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answers on a postcard please :) - Carers UK Forum

answers on a postcard please :)

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hi
My dad died from cancer 5 weeks ago and my mum was diagnosed with Leukemia 2 days after he passed away Image
I was their full time carer. But since Mum has taken ill my 5 siblings and myself have been taking it in turns to look after her 24-7
Mum was only given a few weeks to a couple of months to live, bearing in mind the doc thinks she has had this since Decemberish 2010. She has got through a few infections over the last few weeks and she is looking really well right now
Now we have got 1 sister going to canada for 3 weeks, 1 bro is back to work, and another is getting a new job.
I have tried to discuss with Mum about Marie Curie care through the night to take the pressure off the remaining four of us, or to even consider respite.
We know she is grieving for Dad still...and has had a lot to deal with, and so have we.
I have explained we need the help too, but the hint just doesnt seem to be sinking in.
We dont know what to do next other than we take turns at popping in and out through the day for meals etc, and someone occasionally staying overnight.
She also has bad rheumatoid arthritis, and can manage to get about a little in her bungalow, but cannot cook meals and is nearly at the stage where we will have to start helping with personal hygiene.
Any advice greatly accepted
thank you Image
So much pressure on you at this time. ((( Big Hug )))

All you can do is carry on doing as much as you can and hopefully you can persuade your mum to see you need some help. Even with your siblings help as you say, the Marie Curie nurses are second to none and would give you that extra boost you are going to need.

Been there so know what you mean, thoughts are with you.

Judy xx
(((((Debby)))))

I can only offer the same advice as Audrey and Judy. Marie Curie nurses are fantastic so it's well worth giving them a call.

Having lost my Grandad, sister and closest friend to cancer, I know how you're feeling.

You're not alone - keep talking to us.

Sezzie.
In this area, our local hospice does all the things that Marie Curie nurses do - the support we all had from them in my mother's last days was wonderful. We had visits from District Nurses from the time her diagnosis was confirmed, I think it was one of them who suggested (very firmly!) to Mum that we should accept their support. In case your mother thinks of a hospice as 'somewhere you go to die', that is not the way of it at all. A visit to our hospice is one of the most positive, life-affirming things, it is a place which is about making life as good as possible for the person suffering the life-limiting condition and the family caring for them.
Maybe Marie Curie could arrange for someone to visit your Mum so she can see for herself what lovely people they are. Her experience of nurses is probably hospital ones who have to be very efficient and wake you up to take your meds Image The Marie Curie nurses are there to give her comfort as much as anything. Good luck Image
Hi sorry i didnt get back to you on this
Mam is still being stubborn Image
She now has a bad chest infection on oral antibiotics, she refuses hospital and IV antibiotics, she gets angry when we give her medication at home, sometimes throwing her pills back at us.
She has had 2 blood transfusions over last few weeks, which has kept her perked up a bit.
We were caring for her 24-7, but she didnt want that or any carers coming in, so we ended up just going in to clean make meals etc. She showers herself which takes her over an hour, then she is exhausted. she is alone for about 8 hours thro day and all night at the moment. But we are going back to 24-7 starting tonight while she has this infection as sometimes she is coughing and choking on phlegm and lips go blue etc..and i know she will not like us doing this, but what else can we do leave her alone and hope she doesnt choke etc
I did arrange Marie Curie nurse to come in and do overnights, but Mam phoned and cancelled them and they said they cannot force her to have help which i fully understand.
She had a fall last week too.
All we want to do is look after he and keep her comfortable and safe.
She seems angry at the moment, and i dont blame her after all she has been thro losing dad and now this etc.
I dont know if i should phone her doc or GP and explain situation and maybe they can talk to her without letting her know i asked them.
Sometimes the way she talks as if she doesnt have leukemia anymore, thinks the blood transfusion has cured her.
She isnt the easiest person to talk to, kind of plays a game of pretend, and we kind of play along to i think just to keep her happy.
Feel like we are banging our heads against a brick wall at times
Image