I've only ever asked my father for one thing in exchange for the care I give him - that he shares practical problems with me and takes notice if I tell him to ring the GP. The former are in there because his attempts to find a man to sort something out in the house or garden leaves him wide open to fraud and potential physical danger.
Each time, he makes the promise and ignores it. Things came to a head last summer, while he was in hospital, and he repeated all the things that he's used to get out of trouble in the past - the wheedling and earnest promises that, this time, it will be different. In July, once he was discharged, I told him it was the last chance. Last week I found out he'd completely ignored it within a week of being home and got the name of an electrician out of the local free paper. The electrician "fixed" something - then had to return within a week to "fix" it again. Now the care assistants want it fixed, so I'll be round there later with my electrician, to look at what's needed. I don't particularly care about that - it's the broken word I can't deal with.
When I told him he'd broke his word again, he told me he'd done it out of concern for me. That was the icing on the cake. I hadn't mentioned I was getting stressed until December. He dredged that up in order to make me feel guilty. He did it to prove to himself he can solve his own problems. I understand his motivation but I also know he's completely unreliable and won't do anything for me unless it suits him. And he relies on me to sort out his problems. I've been through this time and again over 8 years. Ironically, when he thought he was going to die, 8 years ago, he told me a guilty secret he'd kept to himself for 50 years. Obviously, he wanted to get it off his chest. It was a pity it was a story that demonstrated his lack of judgement or feeling of responsibility towards his family. And that was the beginning of my caring for him.
Soooo.... lovely people, please give me some help on what sort of relationship I have with this man. I feel as though I've come to the end of the daughter relationship. For a week, all I've felt is anger, yet life has to go on. Somehow, I'm going to have to salvage some sort of relationship out of this wreckage, but I have no idea how to begin.
Any ideas?
Each time, he makes the promise and ignores it. Things came to a head last summer, while he was in hospital, and he repeated all the things that he's used to get out of trouble in the past - the wheedling and earnest promises that, this time, it will be different. In July, once he was discharged, I told him it was the last chance. Last week I found out he'd completely ignored it within a week of being home and got the name of an electrician out of the local free paper. The electrician "fixed" something - then had to return within a week to "fix" it again. Now the care assistants want it fixed, so I'll be round there later with my electrician, to look at what's needed. I don't particularly care about that - it's the broken word I can't deal with.
When I told him he'd broke his word again, he told me he'd done it out of concern for me. That was the icing on the cake. I hadn't mentioned I was getting stressed until December. He dredged that up in order to make me feel guilty. He did it to prove to himself he can solve his own problems. I understand his motivation but I also know he's completely unreliable and won't do anything for me unless it suits him. And he relies on me to sort out his problems. I've been through this time and again over 8 years. Ironically, when he thought he was going to die, 8 years ago, he told me a guilty secret he'd kept to himself for 50 years. Obviously, he wanted to get it off his chest. It was a pity it was a story that demonstrated his lack of judgement or feeling of responsibility towards his family. And that was the beginning of my caring for him.
Soooo.... lovely people, please give me some help on what sort of relationship I have with this man. I feel as though I've come to the end of the daughter relationship. For a week, all I've felt is anger, yet life has to go on. Somehow, I'm going to have to salvage some sort of relationship out of this wreckage, but I have no idea how to begin.
Any ideas?