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personal care a male to a female any advice - Carers UK Forum

personal care a male to a female any advice

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
hi every 1 just wanting to no if any 1 been in this situation and may be able to give advice or support or any thing
i'll start at the begining my sister is 38 and has cerabl palsy and learning difficulties and requires personal care in the way of showering, pads changing and help dressing etc. I'm a male 33 years of age her brother i have helped with my sisters care needs 4 a number of years but just recently social services have said that my sister is at risk.
Even though i work in a residental care home and do personal care on females there and also have a regular CRB check if any one has had a simailar experince please let me no
Have you asked them what exactly she is at risk of....I think we should be told?
Social Services have a duty of care, but they need to be very clear about what risk they are talking about - any such accusations or potential accusations also put your job at risk. They cannot do so without good reason and need to be absolutely specific about it. If they are using the term "at risk" they really should have some evidence. Often they use the term mistakenly, and should be using "vulnerable adult" to describe your sister: she is vulnerable, because of her disability, but not necessarily at risk unless something inappropriate is happening or believed to be happening.

Make sure you get support - witnesses to meetings, etc.

To make it easier - this thread was the only one you had a reply to - I've deleted the other identical posts so it's easier to follow. Hope that's ok.
Dear Landarlo: I remember something that a stupid social worker said to me years ago when i started to care for my mother, this prat thought that i was a pervert and actually called me that infront of other people in a hospital ward situation, i asked him what he meant by that statement and his reply was that i was a pervert because i took care of all my mothers personal care and including doing dressings, he even went on to tell me what he thought of fathers that let their children get into the bath with them, he said that most men cannot be trusted to do such things and that men put into such situations could not control themselves, he is typical of lots of social services people, they have done all the classroom work and exams but have no practical experience of real life, most have no children, they all usually belong to some far left political group and also have some personal agenda to ply.
I told this social worker that if i found that he ever used that terminology (Pervert) again in a public place or used it in a official report i would take him to court and also have his name spread all over the national papers, he soon changed his mind, social workers are also very politically correct, you only have to see some of the criteria you need to pass to become a foster parent or adopt a child, some of the things you need to pass are stupid.
Ask the people for a clarification of what they mean by at RISK, if they continue to say that just because you are a male or that you are her brother, then if that is the case especially as you have been CRB checked, i would then contact your local MP, your local press and national press, contact everyone you can, these people are bloody bullies, there is nothing wrong with you caring for your sister, i admire you for your dedication and love for your sister, please keep us informed of what happens, dont let these horrible people put you off doing a wonderful job, if you need to chat or want someone to talk things over with then please send me a PM.
Good luck and keep up the fight.

Tonyxx Image PS: Charles is right also, make sure you get copies of everything that is said and done, record all meetings and if possible have a witness at these meetings etc.
thanks u to every 1 hope has been so supportive just to let u no social services r interveiwing me on thursday they interveiwed my sisters ilf support worker today and they r now more interested in the fact that my mam dyed my sisters hair more than personal care. We have alsao found out that they got more involved as a carer who we employed through direct payments wrote to social services as she thought it was unsutible 4 me to b doing my sisters personal care.
All i can say is that i will be really warey if i ever employ any 1 else through direct payments as really put me off as if getting support as a career cant b hard enough at times
Hi again.
Long time ago I worked in a hospital for old people. One old lady, when I was giving her a bath, told me that I had seen more of her body than her husband ever had. Interesting comment! I do feel a bit sorry for the old guy, though at this late stage of life he wouldn't have missed much!

We have all kinds of hang-ups, and many of the folk who are paid to care listen very selectively to what they are taught. Some of these people end up being very dangerous, especially the qualified ones who carry real authority.

Likewise we as carers need to be very aware of the hazards of caring. Sadly, some carers do fail, some very badly indeed, but this does not reflect in the slightest on those who carry on doing a great job.

I've been interested for some years in what makes a good carer or a bad carer, and what policies we should be encouraging to improve things. We are not saints, just ordinary people, and some of the situations we all face are very difficult and complex. I would be appalled by the extreme situations described here, but in a lesser way we all face these prejudices and stigma all the time.

Any solutions or ideas? (but please, not regulation and inspection!)
Good quality training with an element of the carer/social worker/whichever professional having to receive poor quality - a little like the "find out what it's like to be blind" training.

There was a film some years ago where a surgeon with the bedside manner of a shotgun goes through the system due to a health problem he developed, and as a result changing his approach.

Hollywood, of course - but you never know.
just to keep every 1 up todate my sister is back home 4 tonight at least there having a meeting tomorrow
when i challenged them about personal care they said they were not bothered so much about sex difrence but because i'm her brother
also they need to check things she says as she only talks repetative and some of the things sound strange if u dont no her 4 example she says open your legs hold this is when shes getting a incontinence pad on at night when they checked back shes said it 4 years and years and every1 new but they were being jobs worths
they r holding a bed 4 her re the out come of this meeting tomorrow the solicetor my mam got said if we refuse to let her go even if they want her to go we have a statatury right to say no as they have found no sign of abuse any way thanks every1 4 listening if i can help any1 i will
says open your legs hold this is when shes getting a incontinence pad on at night
they will take that phrase in a sexual way if they can I never trust SS they are like crown court barristers manipulate it to how they want it to sound not how it is meant
I totally agree with wildthing, i would never trust social workers, they have their own agenda, they think everyone is a pervert, you only have to look at the recent case of the couple who had their three children taken away and permanently adopted, they will never be able to see their children again, in the high court only a few weeks ago the court said there was no abuse, the social services have not said sorry to the couple and they still will never see their children again, these people are dangerous, be wary of them.

Tonyxx Image