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Ready to quit caring - don't want to, but can't stand it :( - Page 6 - Carers UK Forum

Ready to quit caring - don't want to, but can't stand it :(

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I should add i love her with all my heart and before she was ill she was the best mother a girl could have. She's been robbed of her life- ill at 30! Now only 54! Its not how i thought our
Lives would be. I guess no one ever would.
Oh, my god, you're right in the thick of it, aren't you? I so remember where you are - I even didn't feel my Mum's treatment of me was THAT bad at the time, but in hindsight, it was terrible. You've probably accepted it as 'normal' for your entire life now...

Whatever happens, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO. Don't ever forget that! YOU are due a rest - that's what respite is for, for the carer to have a break! You sound like you completely need a break! And if you do decide to quit completely, you'll be amazed at how others step in to take over - it is not all on your shoulders, I promise!!!

Sweetheart, my heart goes out to you - I felt every word you typed there Image

Things WILL get better xxxxxxxxxxxx
Thanks so much for ur words. It means alot. I saw a counsellor who thought my mum was nasty and demanding of me as i am so close to her and as the girl showed her what she used to be. I dont know. I just feel sick thinking i want to walk away while my own
Mother is in a horrid hospital ward, losing her independence and dignity step by step.
I was caring for her alone for a year, she told social services she didnt need any help.. Then called me three times a day, cried if i wouldnt stay with her etc etc finally she agreed we needed help and so began the two month wait for social services to help us....
Finally last month the gp could not believe she lived alone and called in an emergency care team and a social worker. We had carers going in twice a day- i was going in three times. Still she had a fall. So she was put into intermediate care/respite until a real care package was put in place. In the mean time i went round to visit and she started fitting in front of me!!
The care staff ignored it and my pleas for help! Til
I screamed get an ambulance... An hour later we are in intensive care. So what happens if im not around?
Had a call earlier this eve- staff nurse calling on behalf of my mum asking why i havent visited today!!! Er because i heard my violent brother was visiting. And am
I not allowed a day off? I bet the nurses think im an
Uncaring daughter. They dont see i have visited EVERYDAY this week.
Ps sorry grammar etc im typing on phone.
Hun, it's been said many times, just on this thread - those who know you, know better - those who don't, don't matter...! Don't let the worries of what random nurses may think of you get to you, thicken that skin up!! Image

I felt that if I didn't do for Mum, no-one would know what she needed, how to help, etc, but it turned out, she suddenly became able to get help herself - that was MY case, not, I suspect, yours. If you do quit, you may have to go gradually, rather than fullstop like I did. Talk to social services, but be adamant - I got great advice here, that if I gave them even a whiff that I might stick around, they'd expect me to do it all. Tell them you're quitting, you're adamant, you need help NOW and see if help doesn't arrive. They HAVE to make sure people are safe, so they will be bound to taking care of your Mum. Try it and see? You can always later say you've decided to remain involved?

But dammit girl, you NEED A BREAK!! Switch the phone off - she's safe where she is now - lock the doors, take some time out. If anything, you can't 'care' when you're exhausted! Get yourself well and rested and guilt-free. You'll be able to deal with much more when that's happened.

Lot's of love and support from here!

Lina xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx