[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
Re: Gee-ing up - Carers UK Forum

Re: Gee-ing up

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hubby woke up this morning in a terrible state, upset I mean. He feels that getting older is taking it's toll on his body now more than ever before and he's very scared that things are 'giving up'. He keeps falling asleep in the daytime, which he doesn't normally do, which is worrying, he doesn't have as much energy (as far as being wheelchair bound allows) to do things with me anymore. Now he says that he doesn't want to go to the rallies any more. Saturday and Sunday rally mornings start for us at 5.30 - 6am, the getting up process, then we're on the field by 8am ready for the public coming in around 9am. Sat all day, both days, with the engine, constantly talking to people (public and friends who we've not seen since last year, so lots and lots of talking till he's hoarse), back to hotels and dinner. Then into bed around 8.30pm and then he's straight to sleep exhausted. It's a very long 13/14 hour day both days and he just can't stay in his chair or stay awake for that long these days. He was in tears cos he says that's a big part of our summers and we don't/can't do much else and we both get enjoyment out of it, despite him liking the restoration part, he still enjoys the company of his engine blokes and all the blokey engine/carburettor/fly wheel/magneto type talking etc etc.
I came up with the idea that we can still go, not take an engine and go 'inside the fence' and sit with our best mate, still be with his engine and do all the talk and socialising, but then we can leave when he's had enough. Or have more time to wander round the rest of the shows, without having to rush back to run an engine (we always stop the engines if we go for a walk round, cos it's safer, unless we're next to a mate).
He's so upset about this. We've got a couple of mates, who've taken our engines away to work on them (cos I can't anymore) and he feels guilty now, that they're willingly helping us out, but we can't do the rallies any more. He seemed to kinda like my idea, but he's still upset and says it won't be the same. He's not a happy man today, very sad.
Oh Mark - I'm so sorry you feel this way, but Fran's idea is a good suggestion. It's what I was going to suggest before I got to the end of her post.

You know disabled or not we're all getting older and there comes a time when all of us can't do the things we always used to do and enjoy; so we have to find something else to take the place of the things we had 'fun' doing, or find different ways of enjoying them. I know it's nowhere near the same but I really used to enjoy doing all my own decorating and home maintenance, and it upsets and depresses me that I now have to pay someone to do it for me 'cos I just don't have the strength or stamina any longer.

I hope that you will still continue going to (and enjoying) the rallies, but as a spectator rather than an exhibitor Image
I can understand where Mark is coming from, Fran, having a disability which is progressively robbing you of function and therefore of the things which give your life quality can feel rather like a bereavement, you are losing your life as you know it and the future can appear very empty.

You can fill the space left by the things which you can no longer do to some extent but I think that there comes a point where your life has become so constrained that there are very few things which really engage your interest, there is a limit to how many books you can read, etc.. I therefore think that your idea of doing the things which Mark enjoys but in a more limited way is excellent, of course even this will become increasingly difficult and often the price in terms of pain and exhaustion can seem too high but properly managed with careful pacing and planning of time so that days out can be preceeded and followed by taking it very easy and then resting can ensure that despite the pain and exhaustion they are still sufficiently pleasurable to make it worthwhile.

And I think that you are both already very practised at this sort of thing through necessity so it just requires constant adjustment to accommodate the deterioration in Mark's physical health so that the change is as gradual as possible because sudden change in my experience is harder and more painful to deal with than change with comes over time, of course it could be different for Mark.

But, of course, the hardest part is coming to terms with the fact that increasingly you are losing the life you loved and this can only come from within us.
As far as rallies go, we all reach the point where we begin to wonder if it's even worth carrying on. Even if you take disabilities out of things for a while, it's still a lot of stress just for a weekend - and there's so much more goes on than the spectators see.

If he changes his mind and still wishes to exhibit, you could look at your options and consider trading the engines in for something smaller such as models or model engines - although you may need to invest in a walk in tent and make him some sort of travel bed out of wood so he can nip and have a nap when he feels like it... it shouldn't be too cold during the day for him.
Thank you, Beck, but I think we'll just stick to 'visiting'. I've not cancelled the 2 hotels I've already booked, so at least we can pick and choose whichever day is going to be best weather-wise and just pootle off somewhere else for the second day if we want to and do some exploring. Like a normal weekend away.
I'm sure it'll be all right.
Hi Fran,
My eldest son and I are wondering how much longer we can keep rallying ourselves. Since my husband died, my son has taken control of everything but it's a lot of money, work and time. However, it would be saying goodbye to a whole way of life, especially the camaraderie. The head (and purse) say one thing, the heart says another. We were supposed to be going to a show this weekend, but it's already cancelled due to ground conditions. If only you knew reliably what the weather was going to be like it would be so much easier to decide whether or not to go. No magic answers I'm afraid, but I understand the dilemma.
Oh it's the camaraderie all right. Where else would we meet friends from NZ, Scotland, America, the continent? We know so many people through our hobby. Macclesfield is the one huge event in the calendar where we all get together and nobody forgets anyone else, even though it's a once a year event. We're keeping options open, but I can't see him being able to continue exhibiting with the long days.
I can't work with the model engines, all the working parts are way too small for my not so good hands. I started building a 1" scale model traction engine a few years back, but sold it, cos my hands couldn't cope with the weeny parts.
Being a 'visitor' will be just as good, I think, especially if we can go and sit with some mates for at least part of the days.
Our festival organising days are also, sadly, numbered. Too much stress and conflict, far too much paperwork and heavy financial stuff, too hard physically and mentally, and to be honest my son resents it because the house turns into a Carnival HQ and he feels marginalised. Going to other peoples festivals: now that is definitely on the agenda, already booked a couple: let someone else do the hard graft for a change.