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Re: Christmas and mum - Carers UK Forum

Re: Christmas and mum

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As you all know, my mum lives in Scotland and I'm wondering what to do with/for her for Christmas. Dad died early October and although he's not lived at home for the past 18 months or so and mum's so used to spending Christmas on her own (or at least going over to his nursing home for Christmas afternoon), I'm not sure what she wants to do.
She says she'll be fine, surrounded by her sheltered housing friends and neighbours, but she still has to go upstairs to the flat and be by herself. I cannot go up there, as my leg will still be yukky from 10 Dec operation and she cannot come down here, as she can't get about on trains/buses/coaches etc in her state of health.
I don't know what to do, don't want her to feel we're not thinking of her. Should I send her a present???? or what????
What have others done in my situation? When you've lost your mum or dad and the other parent lives so far away.
Hi NanaNana
My dad died one early September. The first Christmas we drove the 7 hours to Mum's home, picked her up and brought her back to my house for a family Christmas.
The second two of her good friends, also widowed, asked to join them for Christmas Day and the third my husband and I went and stayed with her. By Christmas number 4 she was living 5 mins away from me and has joined us for the day for years. Now, unfortunately she is unable to go out, is unable to eat a festive meal and has declared that she just wants an 'ordinary day' for Christmas. I'll be minus a lot of her care visits so I'll be spending most of the day with her having an 'ordinary day'. Not looking forward to it at all.
None of the above helps you. If you think Mum will have some company for her dinner etc and she is quite used to it, I wouldn't worry too much. Call her a couple of times in the day.
What I would do myself is make up a box of small inexpensive gifts. Special Card, Hand cream, CD, chocolates, tree decoration, for example. Then I would label them. 'Open me at breakfast time'. 'Open me when you have your morning coffee', 'Open me after dinner' 'Open me before you go to bed', etc . Then Mum will have a little something to look forward to all day and you will be 'with her' at each point. How about a packet of chocolate biscuits labelled 'Share me with your friends'?
Hope that helps.
I think that you have to accept that just for this one year - for reasons beyond your control - that you will be unable to visit your mother. It doesn't sound as if she will be alone all day (unless she particularly wants to be) and you're only at the other end of the telephone.

I was also going to make a similar suggestion to Elaine's re. lots of small presents to be opened over the Christmas period!

And then when you're up and about again you can visit (maybe even have a delayed turkey dinner together?!?) or bring her back to you - perhaps something for her to look forward to during the awful bleak months of January/February?

How about putting together a small hamper of "luxury and essential" items, I know that you are a whizz at those lovely finishing touches, then next year once you feel up to it and are suitably recovered you could go and see a show with Mum or have a lovely meal out. x x
When Robert was 13 he had his spinal fusion in December and he was in hospital for Christmas and New Year. We had Christmas dinner and all the trimmings - tree, crackers etc on the following February when he had recovered enough from his surgery.

Great help, thanks friends. I shall put a little present hamper together next week.
Eun, that's brilliant - hope you all really enjoyed it. :)

I've always thought that if one wants a 'budget Xmas' the thing to do is have it when the Russians have theirs, on Twelfth Night, 6th Jan, our Epiphany. That way you can buy all the stuff in the immediate post Xmas sale and save loads!