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post 18 what is a parent's role - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

post 18 what is a parent's role

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Hi Janet
Reading between the lines it sounds as though you are very worried about him, and I would go with your gut instinct.
If it's a home for mental health issues most the other residents will have no idea how to handle asc, and nor will the staff. To most asc people joining in activities is very very difficult and isn't necessarily a good thing.
I had a 30 year relative put in such a Home and he was bullied, stolen from and assaulted. Staff kept expecting him to be independent not realisng he needs guiding to do most things.

I don't know, and have often wondered where the responsibility boundaries lie. Our family has to still look after Ms finances, appointments and well being. He has been moved accommodation 4 times as the promise that 'This is so right for him" has been wrong each timeand we've had to battle to get him moved. He's currently in an autism specialist small home but even that is causing us some concerns .

So irrespective of where responsibilities should lie, in my experience, you still need to be his Mum, his champion and his watch dog

Kr MrsA

I really do not know what the residential home are doing. Two days ago my brother mentioned that my son had been cycling down to the farm every evening and staying until about 10 pm, driving the battered farm car in the wood. My brother was worried about the possibility of my son having an accident and no-one being there to help. I contacted my son and explained that he needed to leave the farm by 8 pm. My son agreed to do this. However, I did wonder why the home have not asked him where he goes and what he does when he rolls back at nearly 11 pm each evening.

Yesterday, my son phoned me to say he had an accident. His bike's brakes had jammed and he had been thrown onto the road. He said he has cuts and grazes and a bump on the head and he explained that the bike is falling to pieces.

Although the road on which the accident occurred is a quiet country lane, the route my son takes takes him onto some extremely busy roads. If this accident happened a little further away from the farm, he could have been killed.

I phoned the home up and they said he was OK and that they had advised my son to see his GP if he felt unwell in the morning. I asked about the bike and I was told that my son enjoys working on it. However, I have a feeling it was not roadworthy.

So, whilst my son, at 18, has responsibility for entertaining himself and keeping his bike well maintained and so on, surely the home should be concerned that he has been driving an old car in a deserted wood and riding about on a possibly dangerous bike. Should they not have had the bump on his head checked?

I just get so angry because, as far as I can tell, staff at the home are just letting my son do whatever he wants as long as he is 'happy'. However, surely they need to make sure he is not putting his life in danger?

Sorry about the rant. I have had a disturbed night.
Janet, your son is living in the home because he is a vulnerable adult and as a vulnerable adult he needs guidance and support. If he isn't receiving this, then it is a safe guarding matter.

Have you met his key worker face to face? If not recently, then I would write to the home and request a meeting. If the outcome of this meeting is no good, then ask to meet the manager. You can always mention safeguarding, this should make them sit up and think.

Does your son have any autism specialists in his MDT? His care plan needs to address his autism as well as his MH needs. It sounds like the home needs some autism training too.


I phoned the home again today because I could not get hold of my son and I wanted to tell him that his father was visiting with another bike this afternoon. I spoke to one of the support staff and he reassured my that although my son had a large bruise on his head, he was fine this morning. I asked what time he had been returning and the support worker said that he had been returning after the day staff left (10 pm) and the sleeping night staff had been concerned because s/he could not lock the gates until my son returned and my son needed to take his medication. He said that my son had told them what time he would be back but often came back much later and often turned his phone off so he could not be contacted.

I wonder if he is just forgetting to communicate with people or if he is deliberately trying to find a quiet place where no-one will bother him.
That's really not good enough. He is in this establishment for a reason. Does he have a Needs Assessment or care plan?