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Please help urgent - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

Please help urgent

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I would love a place away from folk believe me but cant afford it. I will repeat that they dont make constant noise and if they do i will bring them in or take them out but it is never enough.
There was a similar case i heard of a good few years ago, a boy i think in the garden got an asbo, not sure of the circumstances but think he was autistic and making a noise in his garden that upset the neighbours, i think the social services or someone bought the house, and bought another remote one out the area and rented it to them. It was when i was having neighbour problems myself that is how i remember it, it was either the social services or the OT but i do know social services can buy property.
The problem is that its all relative, isnt it? I know there are some kids with autism who scream constantly which is a real trial, but what about the borderline cases? Me, I believe in live and let live, I am very tolerant, but in the neighbourhood, mob rule is always going to win in the end; you simply cant take them all on and win.

Ausdig, you have my total support and utmost sympathy; yes you are in the right, but ultimately you are probably going to have to cut your losses and run for shelter. You owe that to your family, rent a wee cottage in the country if you must, even move to the Highlands or islands of Scotland, happiness is more important than money.
Given the recent publicity over a mum who was not supported by the police and social services when neighbours harassed her, you may get better luck. I know you mentioned the police, did they actually do anything?

For example, if neighbours harass you at any particular time of the day, did they agree to "just happen to be driving by?"

If they didn't do anything, remind them of the Fiona Pilkington case and ask them what their policy is on harassing people with learning disabilities and their families. Same goes for social services. Sympathy is one thing, but what are they actually going to do?
you could aldo try your MP
In all this there is always both sides so worth bearing that in mind when it comes to expections.
Not taking sides but often people assume that there case is right,not always so when auth get involved and have to see both sides.
Just a word of caution that all
I wonder how the authorities would set about sorting out the core features of autism then, mind you it would be an angle I would use to try and get better provision Image
Vicky
I wonder how the authorities would set about sorting out the core features of autism then, mind you it would be an angle I would use to try and get better provision Image
Vicky
Well i would say that while there has to be some allowances for any disabilty there also still has to be consideration for the neighbours,it not all one way.
Who is to say that constant noise is not causing health problems to the couple next door.
As i say,just managing expections
I wonder how the authorities would set about sorting out the core features of autism then, mind you it would be an angle I would use to try and get better provision Image
Vicky
Well i would say that while there has to be some allowances for any disabilty there also still has to be consideration for the neighbours,it not all one way.
Who is to say that constant noise is not causing health problems to the couple next door.
As i say,just managing expections
The constant noise is not easy and therefore the present conditions are unacceptable and the housing is unsuitable. There is also the threat of the neighbours using the noise as a lever with the council rates, there is no doubt you need rehousing, any way possible, as they are under 16 try Rowntree trust for direction of where to go and who to ask, as really there is no solution, they can't be gagged
As I read it this is private owned housing and not council tenants or housing association, did I get that wrong? We are fortunate in that we are detatched but gardens are not detached so noise would be more of an issue in the Summer but I definitely would not bring my children indoors to please the neighbours.
I would suggest that as it is the neighbours who are unhappy then they should be the ones to think about moving. I have a morbid fear of dogs and would never buy a property next door to dog owners if someone moved in with a dog then I would definitely have to think about moving as soon as possible, wouldn't expect the dog owners to move out though, sorry for the analogy to dogs.
Vicky
I can see both sides. We have no kids and love our quiet but I also believe in autonomy and the value you place on the freedom you have in your own home. I feel for you and your neighbours.
For an easy life, if at all possible, move. Some things aren't worth fighting, especially if you ar e not happy there or feel threatened. It might be a real weight lifted and you might wonder why you didn't do it sooner. might be worth at least looking on rightmove.com
If you can't or don't want to move, I would appease the neighbours a little (as it will make your life easier). I would write to them (less confrontational - though get someone else to read it first). Apologise that they are unhappy (note - NOT apologising for your son, no way). Apologising for the effect it has on them. For all you know they may have difficulties of their own, depression, stress etc. I honestly believe no one chooses to be nasty on purpose, it is just a symptom. In the letter I would acknowledge how they have been feeling, so they feel like you understand their point of view. Even though you are not agreeing with it, this is powerful - it makes people feel open to you, as if you had agreed. I would then invite them round to talk about how this situation could be improved, as you want to get along - this is a real white flag, only the most hardened will not take you up on this. Ask them what their ideas are. You may find the changes they want are small and reasonable and acceptable to you, I guess you won't know until you ask. If you do invite them around, rather than do it all by letter, have them see you and your son in your natural daily life. I think this may well embarrass them into some sympathy. Often when confronted with the problem, it can be like shining a mirror on discriminating or unfair views. I know this is sneaky and an invasion of privacy, but a means to an end (and better than what you have now)
Agree to take one (not all) of their ideas on board and agree to try it and see if it makes a difference. If it does, brilliant! If it doesn't, sit down again and agree a little more, that you can be happy with. If it still does not make a difference, write a polite letter, thus distancing yourself again, and state all the things you have tried, and will continue to honour but you cannot compromise anymore and you are very sorry for this, but be firm.
This means you have been reasonable, open to debate, compromising but only within the realms of what is acceptable to you. Don't do anything you are unhappy with, as this is intimidation.
Whatever you decide, good luck.