by
Lil r » Tue Jul 20, 2010 1:21 pm
I can see both sides. We have no kids and love our quiet but I also believe in autonomy and the value you place on the freedom you have in your own home. I feel for you and your neighbours.
For an easy life, if at all possible, move. Some things aren't worth fighting, especially if you ar e not happy there or feel threatened. It might be a real weight lifted and you might wonder why you didn't do it sooner. might be worth at least looking on rightmove.com
If you can't or don't want to move, I would appease the neighbours a little (as it will make your life easier). I would write to them (less confrontational - though get someone else to read it first). Apologise that they are unhappy (note - NOT apologising for your son, no way). Apologising for the effect it has on them. For all you know they may have difficulties of their own, depression, stress etc. I honestly believe no one chooses to be nasty on purpose, it is just a symptom. In the letter I would acknowledge how they have been feeling, so they feel like you understand their point of view. Even though you are not agreeing with it, this is powerful - it makes people feel open to you, as if you had agreed. I would then invite them round to talk about how this situation could be improved, as you want to get along - this is a real white flag, only the most hardened will not take you up on this. Ask them what their ideas are. You may find the changes they want are small and reasonable and acceptable to you, I guess you won't know until you ask. If you do invite them around, rather than do it all by letter, have them see you and your son in your natural daily life. I think this may well embarrass them into some sympathy. Often when confronted with the problem, it can be like shining a mirror on discriminating or unfair views. I know this is sneaky and an invasion of privacy, but a means to an end (and better than what you have now)
Agree to take one (not all) of their ideas on board and agree to try it and see if it makes a difference. If it does, brilliant! If it doesn't, sit down again and agree a little more, that you can be happy with. If it still does not make a difference, write a polite letter, thus distancing yourself again, and state all the things you have tried, and will continue to honour but you cannot compromise anymore and you are very sorry for this, but be firm.
This means you have been reasonable, open to debate, compromising but only within the realms of what is acceptable to you. Don't do anything you are unhappy with, as this is intimidation.
Whatever you decide, good luck.