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Keep everything crossed - Carers UK Forum

Keep everything crossed

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hi all,
Today, we have had the third offer of respite care for Mum and she has AGREED!!
The first was almost arranged but Mum baulked at the last minute and was too frightened to go. The second, we couldn't get organised in time, due to her refusal to have a ramp outside her bungalow and we couldn't organise suitable transport in time. The room went to an emergency case. Today, there is a room available, Mum has said yes, the transport is organised so I'm spending tomorrow packing everything possible and on Friday morning we will escort her to the Home.
The respite is for two weeks but, importantly, with the option of permanent residence if Mum actually likes it. Please send out positive vibes in my direction!
The change of heart on Mum's part has come about because of the pain she has been having because she is sat or lain in one position for hours at a time. As you may remember, she cannot stand up and cannot move much when in bed. She is quite a dead weight lump so I can't move her around and she is all alone, (her choice) at night. Now she is waking with the dawn and has hours to wait until someone comes to hoist her out of bed.
I'm excited but worried that she will not like it and want to come back to her bungalow and she is terrified but, today was determined to give it a go.
Her care is beyond my capabilities now as she needs nursing and constant company and attendance. I am hoping the Home will spoil her, look after her and give her a reason not to return to my weakening efforts. Mum's main worries today - will I like the food and can I have my TV?
I'm sure there will be lots of little problems to iron out but please ye gods and little fishes, let Mum like it there!
Elaine
Elaine. Definitely am sending good vibes to you. These aren't kisses they are crossed fingers! XX XX Nothing is perfect as you know but for you to get some me time would be wonderful (((( hugs))))
Thank you Pet. I think of you often. Had to smile at the image of you swinging on hubby's arm in order to prevent him pointing a confrontational finger at some feisty lady. It was a sympathetic smile. I wish for you that one day in the future, when the horror and the tragedy and the despair is just a glowing ember, not a raging fire, that you will look back at some of these episodes and smile a little too.
Love and hugs
Elaine
They should let mum have her own tv, and if she dies stay permanently her own furniture too. My Mums room looks so lovely with her own treasured pieces in, even the stool cover she sewed in the bombing raids in ww2.
Be prepared that she may have ups and downs about staying. My mum for example hates being checked on in the night but does like the Apple crumble. She did liken her first few weeks to her first few in the services - you dont know who you are going to meet but you do know you are going to have to get through it - attitude helped.
Hopefully she will find it physically more comfortable and with some social life too.
And Elaine do be prepared for your own up and down emotions too, as am sure you are well aware. Are you going to be abke to get away yourself for a few days?
Elaine. Sometimes I do giggle. Today 2 of the ladies were having a ding dong. One was telling the other to mind her own business. Then she said I thought you wanted a wee wee. I do was the reply. Well get of your a*** and go then your old witch. Neither can go on their own. Hubby was acting all pious lol. He's never been pious so it was funny. I suppose because it wasn't directly him it was easier for me. I understand both of these ladies were rather refined pre dementia days.xx
Elaine. When hubby went into the nursing home I made a list of things. ie he gets very annoyed if people barge into his room without knocking. He hates being patronised. Several things I thought may help the staff. There is now a notice on his door asking for the door to be knocked. They learnt the hard way. So if you have time!!, maybe you could list the concerns you have. I'm sure it helps. Yes of course it's scary and emotional for you. Being a visitor is different to being the main carer and some things may bother you. You do adjust (hark at me lol). Have to I'm afraid. For every ones sake, especially your own . My heart is with you. Xx
Mrs A. You made me laugh with this typo from your post
'and if she dies stay permanently'
- well yes, more than likely in that case. LOL.
No, I am more likely to visit every day which may be a bad idea but I'm so used to having full control of Mum's care and believing that I'm the only one who knows exactly how she likes things that I'm going to find it very hard to delegate, even though I'm desperate to do just that.
In my head I know I should vanish for at least a week and let her get on with it but my anxiety will probably get the better of me.
At least I will have some time to devote to my own poor neglected home and garden.
IF it happens of course. Not there yet!
Elaine
Glad it looks like you're going to get some time 'off' Elaine !

One small thing - although Mum is initially going in for just a couple of weeks make sure you label ALL the clothes and belongings she takes with her; it's amazing how quickly 'stuff' disappears ! Obviously you haven't time to get labels printed but a laundry marker should do the trick for now!
I hope it all goes well Elaine. It sounds like you really, really do deserve to have a break and some time to yourself. It's interesting to hear that you have found it hard to 'delegate' your mum's care to others. I am much the same. Will look forward to reading your updates to see how it all goes. Best wishes.
Everything crossed! Mum's nursing home had their own iron on label maker, might be worth asking to find out if the home your mum is going to has the same system. If not, be sure to label things as prominently as possible, or it will be missed. Maybe don't send all her favourite clothes this time round? Definitely a roller coaster of emotions, but please, please at least have a few "days out" while you are free.