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Passing the buck - Carers UK Forum

Passing the buck

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
okay, so I've just had visit from Social worker. I told her that, while I was happy to keep DP for my husband's day opportunities, I no longer wanted it for respite. The reason being, that I couldn't find any, therefore my husband was not getting any of his 'assessed' 6 weeks.
Her reply?
well, we don't have anywhere for him to go either.
okaay...well, doesn't the council have a duty to supply what it itself has assessed my husband as needing?
well, yes, but we can't find any.

Oh yes, of course, silly me, last year you closed all the respite facilities down.

She then gave me two suggestions, one for a local home, less than a mile away, which I had already told her only has one respite room, on the first floor, without a lift. She obviously hadn't checked.
Second suggestion for a home just starting day care - but she failed to check that it has hoist facilities.

think I could be a social worker when I grow up Image
Hi izzy, the more I read posts like yours the more I begin to believe that it really is all down to the postc code lottery. Really hope you get somewhere sorted out you need to be able to re-charge your batteries. Good luck.
thanks, one of her bright suggestions, was
well, of course you could have live in carers for a week., while you have your respite.
And who is going to pay for me to vacate the house?
And how is that a respite for my husband?

a thin lipped smile followed.
I am going to formerly request in writing, respite for April, the way we used to do it at the beginning of every financial year. Our first grandchild is due, and I'm on taxi duty.

am I right in assuming that they have to respond to a written request within ten days?
It really does change from area to area doesn't it?
My social worker wants me to have respite, but I really don't want to at the moment. However, I have asked them if I can have a weekend off in April and I would rather have live-in carers at my house (as it will be easier for Mum) for the 2 days but they say they don't do that and that Mum will have to go into a home for the 2 days.
All I want is someone to look after my Mum in our own home for 48 hours, I don't think that is too much to ask after 4 1/2 years caring without respite.
It seems that Social workers are very keen for us to have respite, but then they charge us horrendous costs and just think that we will leave our carees anywhere without thinking about how they will be looked afer. It's not as easy as it sounds.
Good luck Izzywizz Image
The first time STAN went into care for respite was of course to give me a break the old doll was off on holiday with the rest of the family and i was going to do some work in the new flat this was going to be the first time STAN was going to be on his own in years so i decided i would pop in and visit him i was however informed by social workers and care home staff not to vist him and let them get on with their job .
He went in on the Friday i came back from Manchester airport on the Sunday just in time for breakfast so i decided to visit STAN when i left him he was in a large room en-suite with own T.V. and reclining chair it was the best room in the home the cost was over £600 per week paid for by the VETERANS AGENCY however when i went to "STANS room " no sign of him he had been moved into a small twin room and was sharing with another elderly gent no toilet and just one commode i done my nut i had him back in the good room that day as i said i was not moving till they had given STAN the room he had paid for he should have been in for 2 weeks but i took him home after 1 i found his teeth, specs, underpants, socks all in the sink no clothes in his locker he received no help with feeding they even gave him sleeping medication even though we had stopped it thats one of my reasons for never ever trusting care/ rest homes in the future and that it the half of it ive got some stories that would make your hair curl.
respite care for me is a non starter the only place we would use is the R.A.F. rest home
My son can't have respite care either, as his Diabetes blocks it. We are still waiting to hear if our daughter can look after him and be paid via direct payments,as a one-off. If she can, and it works, then we will consider applying again.

He came home from the day centre the other day, and his blood sugar was vey low. The staff had let him have a small amount of lucozade, but should have followed it up with biscuits.That meant that we had to sort it out once he got home, and if he had been later getting hime, he could have ended up in a coma. He had to miss the next day of his day care. If they can't get it right when they only have him for six hours, how can I safely leave him anywhere, for respite?

Social services have also suggested live-in carers to us. Their idea being that if there are any problems, they can call on our daughter who lives at home,to deal with it!No way. If they won't pay her, then I am not having someone else in the house, that is an insult.I know that it suits some to have live-in care workers, and that there may be no choice at all, for others, but it doesn't give any privacy in life.

I am fortunate, as my son is mobile,and happy to come along with whatever we are doing,but many familis don't have that flexiblity.Good luck Izzywizz
before all the DP nonsense, I had no problem with respite care, I usually had three weeks spread throughout the year - one week I went away, the other two I spent decorating and just visiting friends and family. My husband had a great time, caught up with old friends, went on trips out, he loved it!
Then, Staffs closed all the homes that cared for under 65's - and now its hopeless.
I don't want live in carers as that rather defeats the object of respite for both of us, and I have several cats who would be petrified at someone in the house.They just about cope with the daily carers!
Also my son lives here, most of the time, and I don't want to put the responsibility on him, I've done enough of that in the past.
I'm lucky in one respect, in that my husband is very cheerful and upbeat - just physically disabled, so he likes to go to different places and socialise.
Interesting that you said your cats would be petrified. Our one year old lab had no worries until we had a lot of meetings in a very short time at our home, (Social Services for both my husband and son),and she became very timid. Now, she is terrified of anyone who comes into the house, except for my husbands brother.(and all of our family that call in, and a friend of mine, are dog lovers/owners.)She is fine when she is out and about.
It's definitely a postcode lottery. If you have people coming into your home then you need to be 100% sure they are competent to do the job.
Izzy, no1mum has hit the nail on the head really. Just because you 'could have a PA come into your home to look after loved one', doesn't mean to say that they would look after him PROPERLY............ We've had 14 or so years of live-in PAs from specialist spinal injury agencies, but we can count on one hand the actual number who have been actually spinal injury proficient. The thing is, you won't know how good or 'caring' they are going to be (both with your HOME, POSSESSIONS and your loved one), until you return - then it's probably too late if things have gone wrong. Sorry to be so down on this one, but I'm only trying to say be careful. Best wishes, Fran