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panic, need re-assurance - Carers UK Forum

panic, need re-assurance

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I know I am doing the right thing, and it is a weight off my shoulders but I need to be told it will all be ok!! The situation is this. I have been aware for a few months now, that Hubby's health is deteriating, he is 77 and has asbestosis, copd and severe arthritis. I am 46 and work full time, and as some of you know, have been struggling to cope lately to the point I've been worried about my own health. I've been very tired and stressed and have even snapped at and got irritable with my manager at work on occasion (yes, I know, so not a good career move Image Image Image). Following a lot of good advice from some you, I have now reached the definate decision to reduce my hours, and see what benefits I/we can claim to help make up the money. Apart from my tiredness, Hubby needs me at home a lot more now. I have been off this week and have spent the time looking into what we can claim etc and I think it will pan out alright but part of me is panicing, I have always been in work and independent,that has been my security, now I feel that I'm not in control. Suppose I reduce my hours then find that they won't give me any extra? Suppose because my adult son and stepson (one is in work, one on jsa looking for work) live with us, they say we are not entitled to anything? Suppose my manager says I'm not allowed to change my hours? what do I do then?
Hubby and I aren't big spenders, and are used to economising so I'm not worried about that, and it is a relief to have come to this decision as I have been very worried about him when I've been at work. And the very fact that Hubby agreed to it without a fight (he hates change of any sort- it unsettles him) proves he must be getting worse.
I've spent the week researching into what we can put in a claim for and have sent off for the application forms etc, I think I just need a pat on the head and to be told I'm doing the right thing Image Any re-assurance gratefully accepted.
Phoebe x
ps going to speak to my manager on monday. lets hope she's forgotton my previous bad mood with her!!!!!!
Hi Phoebe,

Please don`t panic. I don`t have all the answers, but the carers helpline will be able to keep you on the right track about benefits you and hubby would be entitled to and the inpact on family living with you at home would have.

I am not sure of the legislation, but Charles does, regarding workplace/carer guidelines. Is there any way you can work from home for your company, or be more flexible with your hours?

I hope your manager will be sympathetic to your home situation, and you need to do what is right for you regading home/work balance.

Take care and enjoy the weekend.xx
Hi pheobe

Any big change is scary. I think the fact that you describe this as a weight off your shoulders and a relief shows that it is indeed the right decision. I was lucky in that there was a part time job came up at work just at the time when I was thinking about cutting my hours down. My boss was only too happy for me to take this job (and it was the same pay scale as the job I was already on) as it meant that she could advertise for a full-time job, which would be more attractive to applicants. You dont know what will happen when you ask for your hours to be reduced and I think most companies are sympathetic in this sort of case.
I know what you mean about always being in work and it giving you security, but you will still be the same person and you are more than your job. Image You will probably end up feeling more in control as you will have more time and be less tired.

Good luck xx
I hope that your boss will understand that your recent snappiness shows just how much pressure you are under at the moment, and why you need to reduce the hours and the pressure. I'm a great fan of making lists to help me decide my priorities. Obviously you need some money to keep a roof over your head. Your husband has a serious illness and needs your time, love and care - but he may also be entitled to direct payments or continuing care. I used to work in a hospital in Western Australia near an asbestos mine, so know something of asbestosis. My late husband's work also involved asbestos at times (not the cause of his death). Has anyone tried to identify when he was exposed to asbestos? In some circumstances substantial compensation is payable. I've just googled "asbestosis compensation" and found a government scheme. Obviously I cannot know all the circumstances, but just wanted to make sure you were aware of this compensation scheme.
Hi Phoebe.
Give the advice line a ring and they will be able to tell you what you should be getting if you either reduce your hours or give up working outside the home entirely.
You might find yourself better able to cope financially than you think you will.
As my husband's condition deteriorated I went from full time to reduced hours and finally being unable to go out to work due to his needs.

OK, we don't have as much money as we did, but he's happier which keeps him healthier and until I actually stopped I didn't realise how much stress I was under and how ill it was making me!

I know it's a big step, but it's ok.....honest! Image
Thank you everyone, I feel a lot better now and am ready to speak to my boss Monday. I think she'll be ok with it, I just hope she lets me stay at the branch where I am now as all my friends are there and it's close to home. Oh well, I can cross that bridge when I come to it. I have spent the past few days looking up benefits on DWP website, and working out roughly what we can and can't claim. The ridiculous thing is, I have to cut my hours back quite drastically in order to claim stuff, but that's probably a good thing. I think the thing that I find scary, is that I cut down my hours before I claim for benefits, which is understandable, they can't do it any other way, but it's a bit like leaping off a cliff without knowing how deep the water is Image I have written everything down and made a "to do" list so all should be fine.
Bowlingbun- thank you for looking that up. We have looked into that previously, it was in the 1950's and the firm is no longer there so they cannot trace the insurers. The government compensation scheme requires you to have the full-blown Mesothelioma (asbestos related lung cancer) before you can claim. If you "merely" have asbestosis, you cannot claim. However, amongst my browsing through the DWP website, I discovered he could claim industrial injuries benefit, so we'll see how we get on about that.
Thank you again, all of you, I feel a lot more confident and, for the first time in goodness knows how long, this morning I woke up, and something was different. Then i realised, I'd woken up without that "stressful, goodness, I've got so much to fit in today, what do I do first?" Haven't woken up that relaxed in ages Image Image Image
Phoebe x
thinking of you
This might help it's an online benefits calculator to show you what benefits you would be entitled to.
https://www.gov.uk/benefits-adviser
What happened phoebe? Please let us know.
Hello, Crocus and everyone, sorry haven't filled you in,haven't been too well for the past few days, have had a crashing migraine, but all gone now. Spoke to my manager yesterday, she is not always the most understanding of people, but has agreed to sort it out for me. She spent all today with our area manager and promised she would talk to him about it and then text me. By four o clock I hadn't heard, so I text her and she replied she had some news for me but would talk to me tomorrow. Hope it's good news!! Will let you all know what she said tomorrow. Thank you, Tracie, for your good wishes, and thank you scruffy for letting me know about the benefits calculater. It really helped. I now know that I've done the right thing, now that I've made the decision, I realise what a strain I'd been under, and I think that it was making me ill. Now I've got rid of the migraine, I feel so much better. I know we will have less money, but we are not big spenders anyway, so it will be worth it to have the better quality of life.
Thank you again all of you for the support, will let you know if there is an outcome tomorrow.
Phoebe x