When is a nursing home the kindest option?

[Jacqueline_180912]

My Mother wants to be at home with me and the dogs but is spending more and more time calling out "help help help" because she needs the loo (requiring 2 carers and a hoist). So far we are coping at home with 2 carers coming in four times a day but I am wondering at what point would a nursing home suit her (and of course my) needs better?

I know there is no simple answer but I would be interested to hear what others think. Feel free to ask any questions. Thanks

[Chris From The Gulag]

Two answers ... one physical , the other emotional.

Purely on the physical side , if her needs are too much for the resources available , a care / nursing home may well be the prefered option.

Even a consideration of CHC / NHS Nursing Care if said physical needs are great :

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... inks-32532

Self funding / home owner / assets / recent assessments ( Her and you , as a carer ) ... all have been considered ?

Anything upto £ 1,000 per week ... even more in more affluent areas ... how long will those assets last ?

Online care home fees checker for a rough guide :

https://www.which.co.uk/later-life-care ... n=carecost

AGE UK on care home considerations :

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-ad ... re-homes/#

Is she the kind of parent able to see the merits in such a move or , like many out there , would need to be dragged kicking and screaming into one ?

I will assume that mental capacity is not a problem ?

Yourself ... happy to allow others to become your mother's primary carers ... good / bad / indifferent ?

Future finances ... if your mother's income forms part of your own ... a lone carer perhaps ?

All caring situations are different ... in the circumstances so described , a choice of two end games ?

[Melly1]

Hi Jaqueline,
I would think, when her needs are too great for one person (plus care visits,) to meet. Four care visits are the maximum, as far as I am aware. Why not start visiting homes now, the best ones often have waiting lists, so it's worth starting the research early.

Melly1

[Jacqueline_180912]

Thank you for your informative reply Chris.

Melly I think I will start to do that. It is rather sad but best to be prepared ... as far as one can be.

She definately wants to be at home for now. I want her to be too its just in case ...

Looking at days off for me as a lone carer. It will cost around 80 pounds a day according to a local care worker. Savigs wont last long. Will have one day off a week for now, not two. Wonder if social services will fund this once we are no longer self funding. Not heard of it ...

[Chris From The Gulag]

Your welcome.

On the care home costs side , allied with who pays what , that AGE UK link posted will come in useful ?

An upto date Carers Assessment might also come in useful ... if time " Off " is a problem ?

[Jacqueline_180912]

Had an up to date assessment. 3 hours a week has been granted!!!

Am noticing that Mother has all the signs of early dementia. Noooooo. Somkeeping a close watch on her and will be asking the doctor for an opinion when they next need to come out.

Self funding time out should be fine but I am resisting paying atm. Daft really. I would twll anyone else to just pay up and enjoy the break!

[Chris From The Gulag]

Dementia ?

Potential Power of Attorney another consideration.

Self funding ... you paying ... chalk and cheese ????

[Jacqueline_180912]

I have poa for health and finance. Mother has savings so we will be working through those for as long as they last.

Bought Mother a train set recently as she has always wanted one. May as well make the most of her savings whilst she still has em!

[Chris From The Gulag]

Always bearing in mind the dreaded " Deprivation of assets " scenario ?

[jenny lucas]

This isn't really an answer to your question, but IF she is developing dementia, then, at some point, she will become doubly incontinent, because she will no longer be able to tell when she needs to 'go'. It's just part of the hideous process of dementia. (Which will also make her aphasic - ie, not talking any more - and immobile, confined to a wheelchair, losing the ability to walk) (the brain just forget how to do these things).

BUT, the reason I mention this is because maybe using the nappies that will become necessary at some point NOW, may actually be a help to her? if it truly takes a hoist to get her on to the loo, would it not be a relief to her to have nappies so she doesn't need that? (Or even a bedpan???)

One other possible possible is a catheter? That way she might be restricted in mobility, but certainly would avoid hoisting.

It's all so desperately sad, with or without dementia, as the horrible decline of extreme infirm old age starts happening.

PS - hope she enjoys the train set!