I'm losing it

[katrina adam]

People are always asking me, How are you? Fine, is always my reply.
I have been caring for my husband who has MND, for the past 18months. family and friends seem to have disapeared off the face of the earth. Until one day last week when made a comment on Facebook, regarding a comment from a family member about caring for her father and how the hospital had let them down....nothing personal to them or me, I was just sharing my knowledge of the care system.
For the next 2 days I was unendated with phone calls and messages saying, so and so had said your not coping. I was so angry how dare they presume i'm not coping, and if they really do care where are they today and where have they been for 18months.
Lets stick to one answer FINE.

[Minnie]

Hi Katrina,
Oh how I got tired of saying , Fine, Fine. People start turning into a whining
record after a while. As for rellies , been there , the talking , wading in with boot kind,
in the end they want to leave it to the one person. I found out the hard way, they are not worth
the worry, in the end. they want you to say every-things fine. to save them doing anything.
FINE
Take care
Minnie

[charles47]

We all do it, don't we? I've had massive aches and pains, waiting to be seen by the GP, and still said: "Fine."

So why the **** am I at the doctor's then?

[mr turk]

hi katrina yes we all do it its always fine i think now and again we should say no i feel like s--- and see whate they say i bet they would not here it they are so used to us saying fine might give it a try

[Melly1]

Hi Katrina, we all say fine, because the person asking doesn't really want to know ....

The said rellies who are now ringing up are displaying typical guilt-ridden relly behaviour. The other way rellies display this is by suddenly criticising the care we give/decisions we make or suddenly interfering - just to show they care - NOT!

So how are you today??? (don't forget you can always tell us lot how you really are.)

Melly1

[Limana68]

Im forever saying FINE too! If only they knew the real truth...........
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Scally]

I'm not fine, I'm brilliant! Even if I'm not, it just makes me feel better saying it. And when I think about those poor people living in vast third world slums with no health care, no schools, no home, no security, I maybe don't feel so good after all, but I do feel very grateful for my good fortune, and determined to put something back.

[missyd]

I say I'm fine all the time because on the odd occasion I say actually its tough and exhausting and frustrating people just don't know how to react . Every one just wants it to be sugar coated because if they actually acknowledge how hard it is for me as a carer then they might just have to do something to help .

Do you get the 'be strong ' or make yourself stronger ? I hate that too

[michael parker]

The part that i find annoying is being given advice on coping by people who have never had to.I often say i`m fine,ok,allright,just to avoid illogical advice.That`s why Carers UK is so helpfull,i can get knowledgable opinions and if i want to let off steam then you lot can cop it!!!

[Lazydaisy]

Sometimes people just don't know what to say. I don't sugar coat anything, if I feel terrible then I say so.
I miss my late son very much, and quite honestly it would no matter whether I was in a third world conutry or not, a bereaved parent has lost their heart, wherever they live. I know of one bereaved mother in USA, who is a nurse,and she uses her holidays each year to go to a third world country and nurse there.(She did this prior to her son's death which was due to diabetes,) and I admire her so much to be able to continue.To be the best I can for my family, I have to concentrate on getting through each day.
Courage means something different to each person in the world.For a woman who has been raped, it might be facing other people, every day of her life, for me, it is opening my eyes on another day without my child.