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Opinions on this please ? - Page 4 - Carers UK Forum

Opinions on this please ?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hi Barrowgirl

I am glad to hear that you have got through OK til this morning. I expect that the migraine is the result of the stress. I have a bit of a headache myself today probably also the result of the stress I had yesterday. I am making plans to get myself to safety. I just dont think the risk is worth it. I have already had a serious illnes which the caree ignored and was so bad after I got out the hospital that my 14 year old girl had to shout at him to conduct himself better with me just out the hospital, so got to be careful!

Do you have an out of hours service in your area? I would have expected that they do have all sorts of services to cover weekend and holidays. If you need them phone them and always remember that if the worst comes to the worst you can always get the police to make a welfare call.

Stay safe

Little Lamb
If you Google "depression memory loss" you'll find that memory loss is one of the most common signs of depression. From a layperson's perspective (mine) it seems that when depressed you delve so deep into yourself and your normal brain chemistry changes, which combined cripples your memory.

But, there are probably 1000 different and unrelated reasons for memory loss, so getting someone's attention in the medical profession is definitely needed.
Just to let any interested folks know, have got the appt through for next Monday.Hub is going away for the weekend so things slightly better here.
will post next week
good luck with the appointment Image x
Update .At the risk of upsetting some people ,here's the latest .To refresh memories, the thread began with me thinking my hub had suffered some sort of event as he stopped doing the things he normally could ie said he couldn't recall how to fix dishwasher,washer etc.I was beside myself with fear and worry.However- time passed and I noticed he could actually remember to do stuff when pressed or when he wanted.I became suspicious.A CPN of his hinted a while back that he thought my hub was giving out the "you are my carer and you'll do as I say vibe." That had become "you are my slave" .Not only was I doing all the houshold stuff ,but the heavy stuff -what I call the man's work (that I , having a colostomy am not supposed to do at risk of hernia ) , he started leaving them to me too.On Friday he took himself in a hire car to Surrey to see his family for 3 days.I had to clear loads of wood and boxes to the tip as he wouldn't do it.
It gave me time to think.I'm 11 years older than him with an under active thyroid that makes me tired too.My children had started hinting I should re-think the marriage as I am worn out.
So- today we had the mental health appt.He went in first and gave the I am too shattered to do anything spiele.Then I went in and said, well this is how I think it is.Then he came back in and showed no sign of wanting to attempt to start pulling his weight, so I said "I no longer wish to care." The worker was stunned.She had no idea what to do.She told me she'd contact my G/P and we'd be hearing from mental health.So what happens next ? I have no idea.The house is in my name only,I had it before we met.It's one bedroom and I'm not leaving it.Considering my world is just about to fall apart I feel surprisingly calm.He is asleep downstairs , not talking to me.
kind regards
Well done you barrowgirl!!!!

I've no idea what you can expect next, but whatever it is, it can only be better Image
Hi Barrowgirl

I am so happy that you spoke out for yourself. However, I am unhappy that you are now home alone with him. I would be very uncomfortable with that situation myself. I hope you know that you can call for help from police at any time. I dont see why you should leave the home you have had since before this man came into your life.

I dont really think this person you saw today should have allowed him to go home with you. Unless of course she thought that by saying that you no longer want to care meant that you are happy to have in your life but you dont want the responsibility of having to care for him.

This is the second person today who has said that they want to stop caring. I am in a similar situation. I think the writing is on the wall as far as people caring for their family members. I know that my children will not be my carers and I will not allow it. It is sad but the government had plenty warning that carers were dissatisfied with their lot!

Little Lamb
Thank you Myrtle and L.L., I wasn't sure what the response would be from others.We all try so hard to support our caree don't we?
The last thing the worker said to me was- call the police if you need them.I would of course but L.L. I know what you mean.It's uncomfy to say the least.
When I said I have no idea what happens now-I mean that.Does anyone else know? Does somebody get in touch with social services ? I have decided to see my G/P tomorrow to tell her clearly of my decision.Obviously my hub is just ignoring it and has stuck his head in the sand.He will do so until something - I have no idea what, happens.He will never leave of his own accord that's for sure.( I asked him once, locked the door and he smashed in the windows.)

will keep you posted.I've a feeling stopping being a carer - though it is up to the state to provide - is going to be much harder than starting
ps- he does have a good family down South who would have him.
Hi Barrowgirl

What I would be worrying about is that if this situation in allowed to continue the "authorities" will assume that all is well at your house. I think it would have been the right thing for this worker after hearing that you dont want to care would have been to ask for further information such as are yous still willing to have him in your house but not do any care things or does this mean that the relationship is over. I think if you are going to see your Dr tomorrow you should maybe say something like would you be willing to put in writing that being a carer and having the stress of someone I dont want in my house is damaging my health. Then I think you need to get a lawyer to serve a notice of eviction on your husband. I think it was very lax of this worker not to have taken your statement further although she probably was quite shocked. She acknowledged that you could have been heading into danger by letting him go home with you when she said if you need the police just call them! I dont think we carers are actually meant to "chuck the job in". They should of thought of that before paying a pittance and not even giving us health and safety rights or human rights! We should not be expected to endanger our health.

stay safe

Little Lamb
Barrowgirl, you need to confirm your comments in writing to the worker and her manager and to give them a deadline for setting up alternative support, and be willing to stick to it, or they will simply let things go on. Recorded delivery of course. Putting it in writing seals it - they can't ignore it then.

And remember that you are simply exercising your rights under the Carers (Recognition and Services) Act 1995 and the Human Rights Act 1998 (freedom from slavery, right to family life probably apply). Just in case they think you don't understand your rights.