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Opinions on this please ? - Page 5 - Carers UK Forum

Opinions on this please ?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Relationships break up all the time, often for very good reasons, and children grow up and leave their homes to find a new life. Older people downsize, some move into sheltered housing or nursing homes as their needs escalate. Caring is OK, up to a point, but it must be on our terms, not our carees. Stability is abnormal, change is inevitable. Caring isn't a life sentence, it is a renewable contract, and it depends on both partners pulling their weight and on the extent to which the State is willing to provide support. There is no need in modern society for people to become slaves to ridiculous Victorian concepts of relentless duty and servitude, they didn't work for the Victorians and they sure wont work for us. We all have choices to make, and remake, every day.
Hi Scally
Your statement is what I would have seen as the ideal, a renewable contract depending on the agreement of both parties what is needed to be given and what is able to be given. Carees have all the rights such as they can refuse to go into respite even if the carer is about to collapse. They can say that they are going home from hospital and expect the carer to carry on caring whether the carer is physically and emotionally capable to carry one caring. Carers can understand what you wrote but can the carees. Obviously there will be some carees who for one reason or another are not capable of understanding situation but I am dealing with a person who is deemed to be of sound mind and yet is stupid enough not to realise that his carer is getting older and less capable physically. I am not emotionally capable of caring due to a bereavement of someone important to me. My caree does not understand my distress as he has never cared enough about any family member to realise what loss is.
Unless we have legislation to deal with the "renewable contract" the only thing that carers can do when the fail to achieve anything by negotiation is to leave the caring situation.

Little Lamb
thanks all.I have noted the useful points you've all made and am seeing my carer support worker this afternoon.I will update you later
You are in a tough situation and I hope your support worker helps.

I think you need to be clear with everyone that your marriage has broken down and it is your intention to divorce. Although I understand how and why it becomes your entire life (my caree is my husband too), in truth caring is secondary. As others have said, it would be a good idea to see a solicitor or if you're not quite ready, Citizens Advice.
Well ,I think you can safely say Audrey (thanks) my courage has dropped off and rolled over the edge.
I saw the worker- long story short.She said it isn't a mental health problem ,it's an aspergers problem.So- no help from the mental health team to re-arrange care as they don't see it as their prob and won't review carers assessment (well , then she said she would- but to offer services hub won't attend, so what's the point?).Oh yeah- the Q at the start of the form .1. Do you still wish to continue caring has been removed? she said.
She did say I looked crap-which I agreed with-spots, no make up, no sleep.She suggested Kalms.I am already on tranquillisers.
Back to the G/p tomoz to argue the toss for getting in to see the one and only aspie consultant in my area,which my g/p is having difficulty locating,even though I rang myself today to check he was where I was told he was- he was.But my g/p says sh'es written there and had a letter back saying he isn't.Fawlty Towers has nothing over the NHS.
I am too knackered to even have a rant.Will have to come back to the board when I have slept some.For those wondering why I don't see a solicitor- I have.Cost me a mint.All the letters went in the bin as soon as he knew who they were from.
Barrowgirl,it might be worth you phoning the Carers UK helpline.I feel sad(but not surprised),that you are not being offered better support.
Ask the "professionals" what they would do if you collapsed or worse.They would have to step in immediately.
I realise it is exhausting for you even to think about getting through another night, just hangh in there, and take strength from us all here. There is always someone to listen.xx
Hi Barrowgirl

I think it is just awful that they are changing the goalposts now. They are saying it is not a mental health problem and suggesting that Aspergers is not a mental health problem, I admit I dont know all that much about aspergers but it is not obstretric nor orthopedics nor cardiac. They need to find out exactly which specialist he needs.

More important they need to help you get free of a bad situation. I might be very cynical but I find it strange that suddenly at this point just after you said you did not want to care anymore that they decide he is not the responsibilty of the mental health department. You have to get the dr on your side here and see if she can find some way to get you clear of this situation

Little Lamb
Quick update for everyone who has helped me in my angst.Am still here but have to say things are looking up.The GP made a home visit!!!! and amazingly is going all out to get hub into see an Aspie doctor-at last.It means locating funding though, so it could be a while.She had a chat to my hub and lowered his anti -deps as she felt the dose was too high.He has pulled round a bit after she chatted to him and I feel brighter.

Although things are looking up ,I have to say I still remain shocked that the question on the carers assessment - Do you still wish to care ? has been removed .According to NHS Carers Direct- this is still seen as a valuable tool for carers to rely on for a review to be asked that q, ( so they can say no if need be) yet on the same day I was told that I was told by mental health that that very question is being removed from carers assessment.Is it just me or is that something we should be concerned about?
other than that-enjoying having my son down and around, it has chirped us both up.
It is a question that you should be asked: but obviously too many are saying "no I don't." As it's a legal right to say so (and most people don't realise that), it's a legal duty for local authorities to advise you of that right, under the Carers (Equal Opportunities) Act 2004.
Latest on this is- the GP rang to say even she can't seem to get my hub in to see this Asperger doctor.Not without him going back to mental health and being referred via a psycheand then she can apply for funding.She was mortified to tell me that she was finding it hard to get him in to see a shrink in order for things to go forward. At least my GP has had her awareness raised about how difficult things are around mental health issues .She says she will continue to fight to get him in .The irony is my hub seems much brighter now he has the prospect of actually speaking (for the first time in his life ) to an aspie expert .Why are these experts kept in such short supply ? when you think of all the money being spent (wasted elsewhere ?) Thank God it's not cancer drugs we need,I know things could be much worse.