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Not a carer, not yet a sandwich - Page 4 - Carers UK Forum

Not a carer, not yet a sandwich

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
A head / heart conundrum ... logic v. emotion ?
Evie, the roles of parent and child have been reversed, and it is up to you to make the best decision for mum.
If you have medication to sedate mum, but are not using it, then think again.
If it makes it possible for mum to stay with you longer, surely then the medication is the best way of achieving the best for mum?

If you are struggling financially, then that needs to be reviewed.
Does mum have over £23,000 in savings?
If not, then Social Services will pay for some or all of her care, either provided by someone else, or possibly by you.
This is a step by step process, starting with a Needs Assessment, SSD costing those needs, and then discussing with you how her needs can best be met. Paying you to care for mum may be an option.

Have Social Services done a Needs Assessment?
bowlingbun wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 10:52 am
Evie, the roles of parent and child have been reversed, and it is up to you to make the best decision for mum.
If you have medication to sedate mum, but are not using it, then think again.
If it makes it possible for mum to stay with you longer, surely then the medication is the best way of achieving the best for mum?
You're absolutely right. But my mun hates being sedated, I tried once and she begged me not to do it. It was heartbreaking. I thought I can manage without the medication, but I have to think about again.

I don't know how people do it, you are saints.
Chris From The Gulag wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 10:49 am
A head / heart conundrum ... logic v. emotion ?
You hit the nail on the head once again. Is there an easy answer? Hahaha, just kidding I know there isn't. Life is hard after all.
Beats hitting me thumb ?
Evie, maybe the medication needs a review from the GP?
What is appropriate in a hospital setting isn't necessarily appropriate at home?

After my husband died, I just couldn't sleep. My GP gave me something that made me more relaxed, so if I didn't actually sleep, I could relax quietly in bed. I only needed half the lowest dose to achieve this.
Have you tried giving mum a half or quarter dose?
I'm not a medical person, although long ago I worked in hospital administration, so picked up bits and pieces of useful information.

Have you asked your GP or Carers Support worker for counselling? It might make you work out your priorities and make you feel more confident that you were doing the right thing. I had a counsellor when my mum was very ill, her doctor told me she had less than a year to live. The counsellor's support was invaluable.
We totally understand that these are not simple decisions. And we are here for you through this tough time. It is understandable to want to keep her at home for as long as possible. She is still your Mum and you love her. I feel the same about my Mum. But to keep her at home you HAVE to balance her needs and your needs in order for you to be able to carry on. Even if that is just getting some time to yourself regularly.

Could some additional help in the home make things easier? Are there any particular triggers for her difficult behaviour. (With my Dad it was personal care. He was often more compliant to outsiders.)

So sorry things are tough at the moment.
So I don't know, if I could keep this up longer. Right now I'm off my job, because I have to take care of mu mum. She refuses me every minute of every day. It's difficult to get her to eat, wash, go outside.

The aggression issues subsided a little bit, thank God! I'm thinking about getting some professional help as I have discussed it with my husband and we decided it's time. It still breaks my heart, but I have to be pragmatic and need to go back to work (part-time for now) . Can you please give me some tips as to what kind of help will be the best? I'm thinking about domiciliary care.
Has she had a Continuing Healthcare Assessment recently? That would be free care, whatever she needed.
Drum roll and ... CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare.

Main thread :

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... read-35998