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My nan is back in hospital ..she is dying,how do I cope? -Carers UK Forum

My nan is back in hospital ..she is dying,how do I cope?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I posted a couple of weeks ago.
My nan is back in hospital.
Dehydrated again.
She just won’t drink anymore or eat.
She’s having a few sips and a spoonful of food.
The doctors have said there’s nothing more they can do now.
They’ve said she can return back to nursing home but are putting in care plan..admission to hospital for fluids would be pointless.
So she will go back to home.
Not drinking or eating and she will die won’t she?
How long as she got left ?
I’m scared
I want her to start eating and drinking but she’s so tired.
She is hardly awake now and her speech is mumbled
Hello Sarah

This is such a sad time!!

Unfortunately, all we can do when at the stage. Is try to remember the better times. And try and make some end of life positive memories.

Find some photos of you and Nan and have a joint decision around the happier times. If you both like reading find some positive uplifting stories to share together.

No one really knows how long this period will be. So make the most of each time you are together.

The mind and the body can be very resilient and people can appear. Near the end for some people to seem better and much improved. And we can think things are going to get better. Sadly, this is not always the case.

Even though Nan is not always awake. The hearing is the last sense to go so don't feel Nan is unable to hear you.
Sarah,
I know how much you want Nan to live, but her body is dying.
She doesn't want or need anything to drink, because her organs are failing.
When my mum was very ill, I googled "Signs of Dying", and it is time for you to do this, so that you can read articles written by people from the hospice movement, about the process of dying.
You will find out all you need to know, its' incredibly hard, but a fact of life.
Do you have any older relatives or friends to help you?
Will it be your responsibility to arrange for a funeral director to be chosen?
No it’s just me.
Everything will be my choice.
She’s not just a nan to me she’s my mum.
I’ve been with her every day since I was born.
She’s my world.
I just don’t think I can imagine my life without her.
Sarah that's a lot on your shoulders. Are you working and have spoken to your employers. Some employers are very good at helping there staff.

Has Nan made a will do you know what her wishes are.

Talking is one of the best therapy's for you in this situation. You are already feeling beavered and need your own listening ear. You could also speak to PALS at the hospital. Who will have contact details of organisations to help you.

https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-questi ... n-service/
Hi Sarah, I'm very sorry to hear your news. My thoughts are with you and your Nan during this difficult time.
Sarah, we will support you as much as we can. Ask Social Services if there is a carers group in your area who can support you.
Somehow, you will find the strength to get through the next few weeks. It's OK to cry, sometimes it helps to let the bottled up emotion to release.
Have you told your GP what is happening to Nan, and asked if there is anyone they know who could help you?
Does Nan own or rent her home?
Do you know how much money she has in the bank? I know it feels like burglary, but you need to know rough details of her financial situation, as you will be the person who has to appoint a funeral director, and you need to know what nan can afford. It's normal practice for the funeral bill to be sent directly to the bank of the person concerned and the bank pays immediately. It's important you know this. Don't arrange anything unless it's affordable.
How are you with paperwork generally?
I've helped with the deaths of 6 close relatives, feel free to ask anything at all you want to know. Someone here is usually around to answer.
Hello Sarah

Like you I can't imagine going through the rest of my life without my mum. I try to tell myself that the person here now is not the woman I remember but of course I know that. For the last two days I've thought of her cycling me to school in a basket at the back of her bike, and I was remembering the route we used to take. It was a pleasant little trip.

I found myself becoming very upset again about a month ago, crying too, and so I joined the forum. I've received some good advice here. Someone suggested I continue to post and share here and I really do think that's helped.

I wish you all the very best, David