[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
new user - new case - need some advice - Carers UK Forum

new user - new case - need some advice

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hi,

I am 51 years old, and my wife is 45.
I’ve met her in 2005 and we’ve married in 2007.
Since the birth of our first daughter in 2008, my wife has shown signs of change in her attitude and behaviour.
She slowly got from bad to worst.
Any attempts from me to explain her that something has changed in her, and would be a good idea to talk to a doctor, was met with anger, rejection and denial, together with threats and other verbal abuse.
Any attempts from me to get help from her GP, the police, social services, got fruitless, nobody helped me in any way – it’s private confidentiality data, or we don’t deal with this but only with physically violent acts.
For years absolutely nobody believed me when I was telling them there might be something wrong with the mental state of my wife.
And that’s because she was behaving apparently normal around other people.
Normal behaviour for my wife is:
• Get rid of all our friends – although I have met her at a friend’s birthday party, today we have no friends at all;
• Distance us and isolate us from all our relatives, both from her side and my side of the family.
• Totally controlling my life:
– she got me to register online so she can check my medical records;
– she forced me to give her access to my online banking so she can control my finances – although she has never worked a single day since we’ve got married;
– she demanded access to my mobile phone and my laptop to check on my activities;
– she had my mobile phone traced to see where I am going daily, as she didn’t believe I was going to work;
– she took my blood with her own hands twice, and sent it to be analyzed for sexually transmitted diseases;
– she forced me to go to a sexually transmitted diseases clinic and be checked if I have any such symptoms;
– I cannot go to a gym or swimming pool as she thinks I’m meeting my mistress;
– I am not allowed to ride my bicycle for the same reason;


As you can see there’s a pattern here.
She was believing I was having an affair, cheating on her.
I tried countless times to assure her it’s not true, but she wouldn’t believe me.

I offered her to take me to a hypnotist, to a lie detector machine, to hire a private detective and discover everything about me.
She has refused all of these, being totally convinced that I was cheating on her and there’s no need for any of these proofs.
I offered her to leave my job and move to a different town in a different part of the country; even to a different country on the Earth at her choosing, and she refused, saying that I’ll be doing the same anywhere we’ll be.
It wouldn’t be hard for us to move away, as we’re already foreigners in the UK.
We’re Romanians, I came to the UK in 1999, and she came in 2003.

By 2005 – 2006 she started saying that a former friend has installed spying bugs in our house, because British Secret Services asked her to do it.
Then she said the same about her own mother who came for a X-mas, but only she was put up to this by the Romanian Secret Services.
One time some street workers doing some job on our back street were in fact taking pictures of our property and watching us;
Even table waiters at restaurants were watching and following her.

I have never understood why she’s so obsessed with people following, watching and listening to her.
Until October 2020 when she finally revealed it to me.

Her real father is not the one everybody knew, the one who’s on her birth certificate and the same one who died in Sept 2018 and we buried him in Romania. Is in fact someone called Sterling and he's very well alive and living somewhere here in the UK.
Her mother's mother is also here in the UK.

The Crown - The Royal family were taking or buying children out of Romania.
The Royal family were always having trouble with my grandfather's family, with her mother's family, and my mother's family. And now there is game-of-power between all these families.

Her real biological father’s father was always in power.
She said that her grandfather had all the power, and her father should have been now on the throne, and my wife is in fact the successor to the Crown from her father; she is not the Queen's Elizabeth successor as she is a fake.

Queen Elizabeth is in fact a fake, she did take care as a nanny of and raised my wife when she was a little baby in Romania.
Although my wife was the successor to the Crown, "they" have put Elizabeth in power, and "they" have selected my wife as "subject to research".

Because my wife is the successor to the Crown, “they” now all attack her so “they” can force the Royal Family to leave “them” alone.
“They” have tried to force her to have children so “they” can get to the power.

Both our girls, because they are successors of my wife who in fact is the successor to the Crown from her real father and grandfather, they are also successors to the Crown.

The Royal family will never leave us alone, there is always some sort of game-of-power between all these families.


Basically, my wife believes that the Royal Family in power today in the UK has somehow deposed her grandfather from his throne.

As you can imagine, after this I have contacted doctors and social carers, and presented them the video recordings I’ve managed to do while she was disclosing all this to me.
Because she denied any help from more than 20 doctors and nurses and carers, she was Sectioned under Mental Health Act and hospitalized last November.

She however appealed and won her case, and she came back home two weeks later in the same condition.

Now I am stuck with a mentally ill wife who refuses any treatment, even refuses to admit there’s anything wrong with her; and day by day she’s becoming worst.

The doctors told me plainly in the face they cannot do anything if she refuses any treatment.

I am just praying to God, Buddha and all the other deities that she won’t one day (or night) kill me and our children, if in her delusion she’ll think that we deserve so.

What’s your advice in this case?

Thank you,
Regards.
Hi Robert,

it's my understanding that unless she is a danger to herself or others she cannot be sectioned and forced to have treatment.

You are being subjected to domestic abuse. I suggest you contact https://mensadviceline.org.uk or https://www.mankind.org.uk for advice and support.

Melly1
Hello Robert

We've sent you a private message. If you click on 'Private message' up in the top right of your screen you should see it.

Best wishes

Jane
Hello Robert

I have sent you a private message in response to your post on the 22 February.

with kind regards
Ingrid
You have repeatedly said that you "have to".
No you don't. Why do you allow yourself to be dominated in this way?
What you have written about your wife is very, very concerning. I would suggest that you keep a diary somewhere safe, to record her behaviour. Wish I could be more helpful, but mental health isn't something I've had much to do with.
You don't want your child to think this is "normal behaviour".
Robert_2102123 wrote:
Thu Feb 18, 2021 11:39 am
. . .
– she got me to register online so she can check my medical records;
– she forced me to give her access to my online banking so she can control my finances – although she has never worked a single day since we’ve got married;
– she demanded access to my mobile phone and my laptop to check on my activities;
– she had my mobile phone traced to see where I am going daily, as she didn’t believe I was going to work;
– she took my blood with her own hands twice, and sent it to be analyzed for sexually transmitted diseases;
– she forced me to go to a sexually transmitted diseases clinic and be checked if I have any such symptoms;
– I cannot go to a gym or swimming pool as she thinks I’m meeting my mistress;
– I am not allowed to ride my bicycle for the same reason;
. . .
Hello Robert. I agree with Bowlingbun. I think that by now you realise that giving in to her insane demands has not resulted in a happier life for either of you. It is time to take tough action.

So supposing you were to change your passwords, hop on your bike and cycle to the gym. Not all at once, perhaps, but just one or two to begin.

What would happen?

Would you consider it OK for you to make similar demands on her?

I also agree with those that say you are suffering domestic abuse, and have given you some useful links.

I do suggest you follow these up. Things will probably get worse before they get better, if you know what I mean.