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Need to get out!!

Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 9:35 am
by Mrs M
Hi everyone,
I have been a full time carer for my 13 year old son for 7 years now. In that time I have had another child (he is now 5). We have moved a few times now and have settled in quite a rural location. I have found it hard to make any friends. I basically only see other mums at the school gate. I have tried really hard to fit in but I think now my confidence it getting the better of me. I used to be out going and have a good job, I was always known as the fun one Image
I just feel like my life is over. my husband is very supportive but I have now started to resent him having friend (we live quite close to his home town and he has made friend through work).
I am just sat at home every day and night. We have never had rest bite care and in any case my youngest has ADHD and doesn't sleep so no one will look after him for more than a couple of hours.
What I would really like to do is take some short courses, something where there is no pressure to pass big exams but will help me get out and meet people.I have searched and search on line and made phone calls. I just keep drawing a blank.
I have never had support as a carer, should I??
I would be so grateful for some advice,
Lisa

Lisa, I cannot comment on the

Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 10:56 am
by Jankers
Lisa,

I cannot comment on the carers part , i have too little knowledge for that, but i can empathise about the 'lost' feeling you describe as it happened to me when i had to leave my job through ill health.

I am not isolated by geography, as yo are, but was unable to travel far without some effort and thus took the easy option and stayed indoors until the boredom got too much.
Even interests that could be undertaken indoors lost their sparkle as they were solitary undertakings.

Your idea about courses is probably the best thing you can do, there must surely be something available at Adult learning centres or a college/village hall that you could get to, so stick out for some support when you do find a centre that offers a challenge.

That human contact (other than family) is more important than a lot of people realise.

J.

My aunt lives at thatcham

Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 12:11 pm
by g.herschel
My aunt lives at thatcham park Yeovil some time ago about 1970 ish we went down for a couple of weeks we done the usual stuff but i found the local people very hard to get on with dont know if it was because we are geordies or what but you could hear a pin drop whenever we entered the pubs are you from ZUMERZET Image if not Image

Hi Mrs M, have you

Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 3:00 pm
by mand65
Hi Mrs M, have you a carers centre nearest to where you live our local carers centre have advertised courses that carers can attend in the newsletter, also look on the council website as sometimes there are free 10 week courses at the local college. Hope this is some help, Good luck......mand Image

Hi Mrs M, its me

Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 3:04 pm
by mand65
Hi Mrs M, its me again Image , what about nvq- national vocation qualification? ( i think) no exams.........mand

Hi Lisa I really undertand how

Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:58 pm
by Bluebird
Hi Lisa
I really undertand how you feel. I look after my Mum 24/7, but get 10 hours over 3 days off where a sitter/carer comes in to sit with Mum. It isn't much, but at least I can see my friends and pretend I am normal Image Image I'm lucky though that I already have friends here.
I don't know the situation with children, but you should get support as a carer. My Doctor got in touch with Social Services for me and they arranged the sitting service. Maybe your Doc could advise you on what services can help you get some me time.
Mand has given some good advice on courses, I hope it is of some help and maybe through a course you would meet some new people.
It's not easy, but take small steps to find your confidence again and don't be afraid to ask for help,
Good luck
Bluebird xx

Hi everyone, For some reason I

Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 10:03 am
by Mrs M
Hi everyone,
For some reason I haven't been notified of new messages and with the snow yesterday everyone was at home Image

g.herschel- no I'mnot from Zummerzet, I have commited to mortal sin of being from the South East. In general people are happy to pass the time of day but as almost everyone is related in one way or other! Its hard to break into that kind of friendship.

mand65- I have been proactive and sought out my own carer support work. I have no idea why I have never been refered. So I have refered myself!! Hopefully she will be able to advise me on care for my children.

Jankers and Bluebird Thanks for your support! Sometimes thats all you needto give you a little push isn't it.

Well fingers crossed things will pick up.

Thanks again
Lisax

have u contacted learn direct

Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 10:57 am
by pixienubbins
have u contacted learn direct or pitman? u can go to a centre or do the work from home and no big exams!

I get like this quite often but find comming on here really helps,, i can be "fun" again with outhaving to go out, even sit in me pjs' lol

i get resentful of matt as he seems to have friends and a life and i seem to sit in the background while every one else is going out. but then sometimes its nice not to be noticed, i can slink off and read a book or come on here!

Hi Mrs M, welcome to

Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 8:06 pm
by NanaNana
Hi Mrs M, welcome to our gang! Your local newspaper could be a source for finding out about courses (if you can have it delivered). OR telephone your library. Now, they will have details of courses and social stuff at your local village hall or whatever. Village hall notice boards are a great source too, often have telephone numbers of the caretakers, who will know precisely what's going on there. Come on here and say what you like, we all do! We're all friendly and cheer each other up no end, but also give much support and many hugs when things are going wrong with our worlds. Welcome anyway, love Fran Image

Hi Fran and Pixie, Thanks again

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:24 pm
by Mrs M
Hi Fran and Pixie,
Thanks again for the support Image
I think there must be a shortage of things in my area. I quite near a really big college but it seems to have stopped doing short courses and other than that there is an art class for over 80's in the village Image
Well I wont give up.
Best wishes to you all.