Belated sympathy Penny.

It's impossible to imagine your kind of loss but when I took my mum her supper last night she looked very tired and ill. All my earlier resolve regarding leaving seemed to evaporate. But I don't have any choice really, not now.

I'd like to think my sister's behaviour hasn't been as bad as your brother's but she is an extremely selfish woman and is capable of lies. Also, because she is small and rather quiet people tend to side with her. Many years ago I was talking to a former partner over the phone and, inevitably, the domestic situation here came up. She actually said to me that I couldn't stop my sister from seeing her mother! She knew that for three years since mum's diagnosis (made in my sister's front room) that I'd been asking my sister to play a much more active part in mum's care - not just calling round twice a week to talk, drink tea and eat biscuits.

It was only after I suffered a seizure and crashed a car and my sister hung up the phone on me as I was in hospital, that I decided to wash my hands of her. She can still see mum whenever she wants, I just want nothing to do with her. And people seem to side with her! Former partners, idiotic social workers ('people didn't understand dementia as well then'). The female police officer who was with me in hospital was quite surprised though, when I told her she'd hung up "She's what?"

I could waffle on all night but it wouldn't do any good. Thank you for reading my post Penny and I wish you as speedy a resolution as possible to your own dilemma.