My husband on it goes

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
We had the appointment to discuss pain relief. GP very good with my 78 year old husband - I think she is starting to realise what is going on. I did make a point of telling husband to look at GP as when she asked him a question he looked at me. He is very deaf but won't wear his hearing aid. I did manage to mention the District Nurse visiting but that he would not use the cream.

I think she twigged fairly quickly that he is not taking her advice re the Cosmocol/Latulose and indeed said to us both that she was worried he would not as it could store up problems re the morphine. She is chasing the scan re the back.She also is going to refer him to a Geriatric Consultant, who apparently is very good and wants him seen within 4 weeks. I would hope if dementia is lurking, it may well be picked up then......

So I think I am slowly getting there.He is very confused and nearly fell off the sofa and his head went very near the table. Still struggling to get him to eat. GP put him on antibiotics for his foot which I asked her to look at as I thought it might be a psoriasis outbreak. Getting him to take tablets is very hard work - I put them out for him but often hours later they are still there and I cannot shove them down his throat!

Physically and mentally I am exhausted. I have another cat show soon but have given my neighbour the key and if he does not want to come, she has promised to check on him for me. She runs a small care business so is very trustworthy and switched on. I realised at the last cat show how much I enjoyed being free of him for a few hours as it is so draining trying to make sure he is sitting down safely at the shows.

Thanks for reading - this caring thing long term is a nightmare for many of us isn't it? I am looking at local things such as the local cafe has a womans hour every wednesday morning so may well try to go there as even half an hour away from 'prison' which is what my home is, is a relief.

I have found it hard to confide in friends but I was in such as a state at the show when I could not contact him from 8am-6pm people did realise something was wrong. The couple of people I told were very very supportive and i am very lucky having friends in the cat world and out of it.
Hi Helena, for years I ran a national "one make" lorry club, my husband restored one to move our steam engines around, and one thing led to another!
That was our escapism. Very few of the members ever knew that we had a son with special needs, it gave us an excuse to disappear together buying spares - sometimes as far away as Newcastle (and we live in the New Forest!) and those trips when we had a few days just the two of us, and the shows we ran, were very special to us. When my husband died suddenly, my members were incredibly kind to me - it's so important to have friends in time of need.
So don't feel guilty about your "cat life", I suspect it's the only thing that keeps you going. One day, you will have more time to devote to the cats.
Helena, don't mean to sound flippant, but wouldn't it be lovely if humans could be treated by vets - as vets seem to be able to get animals to take all the meds they need without any argument! It's amazing to watch my cat's vet get him to 'accept' having a worming pills indeed 'shoved down his throat'.

The cats know who's boss and for once, it is NOT them!!!!!!!!!!!

(But boy does mine sulk afterwards!!!)(Oops, he knows I'm writing about him - he's just given me a filthy look!) (He's also cross as it's raining outside AT EVERY DOOR...bah bah and bah again!) :)
Ok, less flippant this time.....

I'm glad your GP is now starting to get the full grim picture, and I think it's excellent he's been recommended to a Geriatric Consultant. I do think the latter can see 'the whole picture' of all his age-related infirmities, rather than individual consultants for particular things etc, who can be tunnel-visioned just on 'their bit'.

DEFINITELY keep up with the cat shows - your neighbour sounds a god-send, especially if your husband 'accepts' her. It's essential you have your breaks, both short and longer.

I meet my friend whose father-with-dementia-and-a-catheter lives with her (five years now, sigh), for coffee regularly as this is her 'out of the house' time. She's lucky in that she can afford a cleaner, and her cleaner is very good with her dad, so she can nip out of the house, spend a couple of hours 'escaped' and then come home to a clean house as well!

She says she just 'needs' to be 'out of the house' and 'free' and I can totally understand that.

Hoping you can 'nibble' away at the situation, and squeeze out more Helena-time little by little, just to keep you sane.

And of course LOTS of cat-therapy. I'm sure their purring brings our blood pressure down!!!!
Totally agree re vets Jenny =had to giggle a little but yes having had 2 girls neutered yesterday, find it relatively easy to give them pain relief.

I have said in desperation to a friend recently that if husband were a cat I would be thinking of letting him go as it all comes down to 'quality of life' but it does not work this way with humans.

Hopefully at least the geriatric consultant will be able to get on top of the pain relief although if husband won't take the lactulose properly then that is going to make the diviculitus flare up and cause more pain......ditto not using the cream re the potential bed sore. I suppose if he wont obey advice then it is going to be very hard. I honestly think there must be something mentally wrong for him to be in such pain and so stubborn.

Yes cats are my world having just bathed 2 kittens for the first time I am not terribly popular. Mother came and sat in the bath watching as she could hear Blaze crying - quite sweet really. So 2 more kittens and one neuter to go over the weekend.

I do not want to give up showing but after the end Nov show next one Feb so will have a break to see how things work out.

Your cat sounds a great companion Jenny and a real character.
Helena, the only possible explanation is that he simply doesn't understand the link between the pain and the tablets etc., and that's the bit that the specialist should be able to understand. Consider writing a letter to the consultant, and then handing it to the receptionist directly before the consultation.
I've done this many times with my son with LD, he has enough problems without hearing me say what I struggle with most.
A young yummy mummy friend of mine showed me the syringe which comes with children's medicines these days. Basically you fill the syringe then squirt it into back of kids mouth. One swallow and all done
Do you think GP could prescribe similar for hubby?
Mrs A - those syringes are brilliant! I quite agree. It's down in the tummy before they even realise. Great idea.

I wonder with Helena's stubborn husband whether it is, at heart, a control issue. ie, she (and the doctors) WANT him to take the pain relief - they want to 'control' him as he could be seeing it in his 'controlling mentality'. That its' for his own good is irrelevant.

Maybe Helena should 'ban' the medicines, and beg him NOT to take them....???? Tell him he doesn't need them, it's just silly, and 'she knows best'.....

Kiddology???? Might work?!

I think it sounds like he's getting some kind of 'satisfaction' (ie, sating his controlling mentality) by saying 'no' to her over it??

Sorry if that sounds a bit malign.

In the end, if he won't take them and is in pain, well, his body, his choice - his (quite unnecessary!) pain. I don't think you should strss over it too much Helena. (Though I agree that if it is dementia he has - and to be honest, it could well be, either that or mental illness of some kind)(I mean other than being a controller), then if he cannot make the connection between 'pain' and 'anti-pain' meds then that is tricky. Just like children (or cats!) when you say 'it's for your own good 'and they don't see why....

Helena, I expect Mummy cat was just glad that 'Nanny' (you!) took over bathtime! (But I also bet that the moment she got them back, she licked them thoroughly all over to wash them 'properly'.....and put her scent on them!)

Yes, my cat is quite a character, a very 'stout fellow' indeed, who is the most reasonable of beings provided he gets all his own way, all the time. :)
No I do not Mrs A - he insists he knows better than the medical profession. I think the GP will mention that he is not co-operating so really the consultant has to find out why and also try to get to the bottom of the self neglect.

I do realise that the accidents are not easy for him but I have got various kinds of pads to help reduce the embarassment and discomfort. It isn't really as if we go out much frankly and really fault the GP as she has been very patient explaining how hard it is to get the dose right but to have half a dose if necessary to keep things working. I do not think the lack of proper food helps either frankly but given up on this although I do have bananas and crackers and beef and cheese slices always around.
Just seen your reply Jenny and I totally agree. I am now using reverse psycology a lot - pub quiz we go to is one example as I tell him I hate quizzes - I do not really like quizzes but the people are nice. Now if I said I enjoyed the quiz, he would then not want to go!

Same with next cat show. Would rather he not go but shall keep asking him to go because if I say I do not want him to go, he will insist on going.

I think he is frightened frankly and keeps harking back to being a MD of a PLC - employed 4 people so not really ICI 27 years ago. I think deep down he knows something is wrong. At the end of the day, whilst he has mental capacity it is his choice and all I can do is prompt to a degree. I also think the 'people won't believe you over me because I was MD of a PLC' shows fear as he is constantly telling people about his 'status' . Very sad frankly because he does not resemble the man I met and married 27 years ago.