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Loosing the social graces. - Carers UK Forum

Loosing the social graces.

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
A carer,at our group meeting,told me he feared he was loosing the social graces,due to his pent-up stress frustration etc.He felt drained and angry and quite terrified.He was short with people,grumpy,and not his old self at all.Some present felt they too were getting grumpy.Stress as carers being the thing,they felt.
That's me too. I stay polite, just, but inside I'm seething, angry and frustrated.
A lot of carers feel that way, I think, especially when they've been caring for many years.
* Holds hand in air *
I stay in alot with Oh, I have noticed that I get nervy when I have to go out, I have lost contact with most of my friends and rarely socialise.
Some days I feel frustrated and grumpy, but say 'I'm fine'
Part and parcel of our role I think.
I can only say I am glad I found this forum, I feel like I 'fit' somewhere
All very true ... I normaly say that i am fine to most people but deep down i have good days and bad ,more of the later just lately.. i gave up a lot to care for my mum and i have lost alot too like friends and freedom..

I feel grumpy too .. Even my mums carer brought me a mug and slippers for christmas with Mr Grumpy on them ... Image Image
I'm only grumpier than I used to be with my caree, my husband. It's not because I blame him for becoming disabled, it's because he refuses to do anything to help me or help himself. I blow up at him and then for a day he'll help out, but than it's back to me being the live-in servant.

By "help out", I mean when he passes the rubbish bin next to the door of his bedroom he deposits his empty sweet wrapper in it. He tells me I don't understand how hard it is for him to do, but I figure if he can still lift a pint of lager without help he can manage a sweet wrapper. I know he can't do 98% of normal personal and household tasks, all I'm looking is some show of effort on the remaining 2%.

So, the truth is that I am always grumpy with him these days. I do feel guilty about it. I suppose if I dig down deeper, it's getting harder and harder for me to put on a happy face with everyone else too.
My answer is to look at the funny side.Yeh,i get annoyed,frustrated,etc,but i generally take a couple of minutes to look at the situation and laugh.So far this year Dad has wrecked the computer keyboard,put the vacuum cleaner out with the rubbish,used the remote control to phone the police about Tracey Barlow(Coronation Street),shut the cat in the wardrobe,and probably loads more that i`ve forgotten.Now be honest,who wasn`t smiling by the time i mentioned phoning the police? Image Image Image
Hi Maxi,

As carers a lot of us have reduced opportunity to socialise, so we get out of practise and lose confidence. We feel isolated and have less of a buffer to help us deal with the challenges of caring.

I used to see the funny side a lot more than I do these days Michael. I'm aware of it, but struggling to recoup it. Your post helped.


PS just read the link, Rosemary. I think I cause myself stress when I do not live up to my own expectations...
Hi everything of the above, this is the only place i can talk at just how i feel, yes grumpy cause i can't do what i want, i would like to go for a walk for hours and hours and end up at a pub spend the afternoon there have a bit to eat then wander home and sit down for the rest of the evening and do nothing, i wish, on the monday morning when people at work say what did you do yesterday i feel like lying, yes i had a wonderful day did nothing, ya right, just don't get me started, love very miss grump. have a ((((((hug)))))) from me i know how you feel.