Mums Respite and update

[brogusblue]

well i have a lovely week of peace and doing things when i want and if i want .. went to woburn safari on saturday and watford sunday for abit of shopping and a meal out.. in to the 2nd week now all going well untill today ..

Had carers review about mum with the social worker today whilst she was in respite .. Mum got some home truths from me and i didn't mince my words about what happen to me to the social worker..

Cut a long story short they are now sending mum home on monday well i have to collect her, they are going to increase the care package by add a evening call in .. i wasn't happy about but there is no spaces in care home for mums needs .. she can't go to a nurseing home as she doesn't need nursing care .. Its a residential home she needs and currently there is no funding available.. Hence they are doing her care at home..

So i told them if thats the case i am moving out asap.. as i don't want anything to do with my mum anymore..They have now forced me to do this as i don't want to be in the same crap as last time, My nerves are still shot, i had 2 panic attacks last week so i am off to the dr on thurs for appointment to see what he say's ..

[poppett]

Pleased to hear you have made good use of the time your mum has been in respite.

You need to stick to your guns as far as the new care package for your mum is concerned. If there is not a proper care package in place I do not think they can just send her home and hope for the best, given your deteriorating health. Hopefully your GP will back you up with this and contact SS to put them in the picture. You could also say you are not willing to fetch your mum and if they insist she returns home they will have to organise it and ensure care is in place as you are not going to be there.

Enjoy the rest of your week.

Take care
Meg

[The Green Archer]

Good for you, speak up for for yourself, at least they know what is what, yes go to to doc's maybe they can help. you can't go on like this, i don't think, especially in my mums case, they don't relise what you are going though, and do we tell them how we feel, no we don't, we just go through life just being there, doing what they want, and having no social life. if you can go for it, you health is just as important, take care.

[Myrtle]

Just tell them you are no longer prepared to care and that you will NOT be collecting her.
And remind them that they have a duty of care, not you.
And don't forget to tell the doc that you cannot do it any more and that you won't.
Stick to your guns and don't let them push it all back on your shoulders
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[bowlingbun]

I agree, don't go and get her. If she needs a place somewhere they MUST find one, they have a duty of care, lack of money is not an acceptable reason to dump the problem back on you. Carers are supposed to have a RIGHT NOT TO CARE if they don't want to. You have been to hell and back, and that needs to be recognised. Care homes have 24 hour care, sending a carer in four times a day is not 24 hour care. I'm afraid that you will be right back to square one within a few minutes of her returning home.

[charles47]

Myrtle and Bowlingbun are right.

All you have to do is say "I am no longer prepared to care for mum" - and mean it. Tell them you will not be fetching her, or caring for her, and they will have to provide for her care full time as you can no longer do it.

You have the legal right under the NHS & Community Care Act, 1990, the Carers (Recognition & Services) Act, 1995, and arguably the Human Rights Act 1998 (specifically, the European Convention on Human Rights, which informs the Act, Article 4 - the right to freedom from slavery and Article 8 - the right to respect for private and family life).

[brogusblue]

Thanks for your replies ..

Another update .. well after giving mum the home truths on tuesday and threating to walk out soon as mum was home, I think the penny has finaly dropped that i really mean what i say the social services, community matrion & ot had to do a emergency asscessment to decide weather she is fit to come home and be ok on her own .. mum said no .. so what they are doing now is extending her respite untill they find a rehab bed in the local unit where they can fully ascess her and see what she can do on her own.. Personaly i would be amazed if she doesn't anything at all .. alot of people have said that mum has given up.. and basically wants everyone to do things for her .. i will wait and see what happens there..

I saw the dr yesterday and he has raised my citalopram from 10mg to 20mg and i have to go back in 3 weeks

[poppett]

Good news about your mum. Glad your wishes have been listened to at long last. These things all take time and I doubt very much your mum could persuade them she could manage alone, but who knows what goes on in the heads of our aged parents.

Good that the GP is keeping an eye on you. The fact that you are on these tablets will make SS realise you are not coping in general, never mind expecting you to cope with your mum alone.

Take care
Meg

[bowlingbun]

I am very happy for you. It should not be neccessary for you to have to take the extreme measure of refusing to take mum back again of course, but you had clearly tried your very best to persuade the "professionals" that you were not coping, and no one listened. I hope that in some small way your Forum Friends helped make this difficult decision easier for you. Let us know how things go, and in the meantime, enjoy your respite. Remember that you will have to tell the DWP that your mum has been in respite. I think the time limit for her to continue receiving benefits is about 4 weeks, someone else can probably confirm this? You will then need to think about having your own benefits reassessed too, but if you are taking an increased dose of your medication I hope they will take a sympathetic approach. If there is anything you are not sure about residential care, I'm sure others on the Forum will be able to advise you too. This is the time to start looking after yourself properly, especially exercise and relaxation, but for tonight, very well done.

[Melly1]

Well done Broguesblue for sticking to your guns and getting health and social to do their job! Amazing how suddenly they CAN find the money and extend your Mum's respite - when they wanted to cut your precious respite short!

Having got this far, use your respite to rest up and recuperate. Have you got any more outings planned?

melly1