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jenny lucas Online
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- Posts: 9648
- Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:39 pm
Wed May 24, 2017 11:32 am
I think Danced might be right about the 'intimate care' business.
My MIL with pretty advanced dementia is now incontinent, and recently when I went to take her out for a drive, the staff said they had better change her in to fresh pull ups. I was in the bedroom and I was curious to see how she 'put up with it'. In fact, she put up with it very well - I don't think she really was aware of what they were doing, ie, that they were doing anything other than 'dressing' her. The staff just pulled down her trousers (elastic waist), and the pull ups, she had quite a long top on, so I couldn't 'see anything' and then I think they just gave her a very quick sort of 'mop' and then got her to step into a new pair of pull ups, and then her trousers again. She was very 'docile' about it, and just stood there, holding on to the chair, while they did it, very quickly, in a handful of minutes. I found it quite reassuring. I don't know what I was expecting - sort of maybe like a giant 'baby change' on the bed, or something!
I think when they shower her they just probably 'mop' a bit between her legs? That said, I guess I haven't witnessed a 'full' change, ie, from poo (sorry!), not just wee.
It's all desperately, desperately sad....
I know why you are saying 'I should take her home' but even without alas BB's very unarguable point that EVEN IF you could manage a bit longer with her yourself, the point is swiftly arriving when she MUST have more care and residential 24x7 care, I can also say that there was another forum member here who looked after her mum at home and was in despair that her mother would INSIST on continuing to sit in her chair, soaking wet, and refused to let her change her......so I suspect that that might be true of your mum as well??
I was wondering whether, when you visit, YOU could 'do the change' and see if she is 'better' with you, or not?
But I can't help thinking that being prepared to sit 'wet' etc, HAS to be a sign of mental decay (it really isn't rational behaviour!) and it doesn't really matter if she 'understands' (??) that it can lead to all the skin problems etc, she simply doesn't pay attention to that or believe it will happen. (After all, we can be told over and over again that snacking will lead to obesity....but we still do it!) (My point is that if she PREFERS to 'sit wet' than 'get changed' THAT is what is important to her - not some future health problem caused by sore skin!).
(Another possibility of her reluctance is the 'inertia' that can overcome the elderly. EVERYTHING becomes a huge effort, including letting someone take you off somewhere to change you! After all, again, even with ourselves, how many of us continue to watch the TV knowing we are 'desperate' for the loo, but we dont' want to leave the programme just then)(well, I know I do!)
I really would urge for you to let the situation 'ride' for a while, and see if things improve over the next few weeks, as she gets increasingly used to being in residential care. It's upsetting, I know, but as others are saying, it does seem to be a very common problem alas.