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Carers Assessment - Carers UK Forum

Carers Assessment

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
So i manged to get the local council to hear me out and they have agreed that i can have a carers assessment. I know it will be over the phone as they called me and spoke to me briefly today. Has anyone else had one already? what do i need to know? What are the possible outcomes? Any thoughts/advice would be great. cheers
I refuse to have a phone assessment, insist on face to face.
I agree - insist on face to face and be ready to "take control" of the meeting. Prepare plenty of notes and think about some of the following- what you do for care-personal care, housework, financial admin assistance, arranging apts, fetching, overseeing, administering medication, how often? Do you keep an out over night, do you provide transport, take person out, change bedclothes, look after their pet? Run through a few different days from start to finish and come up with a super long list broken down into above sub headings.
Then- what have you given up so youa re able to do all these things- job, training, retirement leaisure time, social activities, friends, days out- life in general- lay it on thick.
How could they help you? Discount vouchers, gym membership , theatre tickets, respite- weekly and annualy, thearpies to help you relax, swimming- If you don't ask you don't get although sadly it is a postcode lottery.
What services do you need acces to ? What specialists or advice do you need.
Have you claimed all the financial help you are entitled to? Who do you contact if you ahve a probelm with such and such in the future.
Ask when your next review will be and be sure to diary it in your apts to ring them a fortnight beforehand.
Why not type all this out in bullet points and say are giving/will post a copy to them for their records. B)
Thank you. I will see if they can do a face to face. It's difficult as i know the only real thing they have offered is to provide and additional carer for my fiancee, which will cause hell as she has severe social anxiety and doesn't trust strangers so i wouldn't feel right leaving her with them. I'm just really unsure what to expect, i have no idea what they can offer and i don't want to turn their offers down. I know that they have spoken about financial guidance but i'm really hoping there will be practical things i can accept as well.
Make sure it is done somewhere well away from your fiancée, so you can be open and honest, and it's OK to be emotional.
it will be done with my fiance. I don't leave her and i'm always completely open in front of her. She is the one who found the council telephone number for the assessment and talked me into having it done
It would be sensible to accept any extra carers they offer for two excellent reasons -

Firstly, as you say, it isn't wise to turn down any offer they make, even if you don't think it's suitable or the one you really want (which IS, by the way, WHAT precisely? What offer could they make that would do YOU most good??)(this is a CARER'S assessement, remember, not a CAREE'S assessement - it is for YOUR benefit, and you don't get much benefit out of your situation from what I can see, so do not, please, in this instance, be self-sarcrificing, even though that seems to be, sadly, the overpowering impression I get!!!)(and yes, I know you will deny that, and it is entirely to your moral credit that you do, but it remains true all the same)

But if you turn down their offer, however unsuitable, they may take umbrage, and never offer anything else again! Regard this as an 'opening offer' so to speak. If it proves 'useless' in practice THEN is the time to tell them that, and see what else you can get off them!

Secondly, though, even if a 'stranger' freaks out your caree, it's good for them, obviously, to try and get used to it - it's part of your caree's own therapy. Do you want her to be terrified of strangers all her life? Your purpose is to HEAL her (support moves them FORWARD, remember, while 'enabling' keeps them where they are - and she's not in a happy place, right now, is she? So you want her to get better and head towards 'normality'). So, accept the 'strangers' coming into care BUT don't use them as they are intended, as in a substitute for you, but YOU stay there too, to help her get little by little used to them, while YOU are present too. Gradually, as her confidence grows (as it must - she CANNOT stay in her dreadful 'dark place' all her life! What a desperate pity that would be!), then you can, little by little by little, in very gradual stages, start to 'withdraw' while she and the caree are together. First it will be, eg 'going out of the room to fetch something' maybe only for a minute or two, then it will be 'making us all a cup of tea' then it will be 'putting the washing on' and then 'tidying up upstairs' then 'putting the rubbish out' then 'posting a letter' then 'nipping to the corner shop' ,etc etc etc, gradually 'weaning' her away from her dependence on you.

David, I'm sidetracking a bit here, but DO be aware of yet another 'danger' that you and she face, which is that YOU find it psychologically and emotionally 'satisfying' (for want of a better word!) for her to be 'dependent' on you. It can spring from the kindest and noblest of sources in you, that you really, really, REALLY want to be there for her, but at some point the idea is for her to NOT be dependent on you! And sometimes carers in your situation can find that hard. It mimics, in a way, parenting - as parents (and you will; find that out for yourself soon), we can be conflicted over both simultaneously rejoicing as our little ones grow up and become independent, and at the same time missing how they once relied utterly on us.....
My fiance has been very badly upset by carers that she used to have, to the point one was abusive so at this point in time it is not an option. Her mother steps in to give me my evening to play hockey (which my fiance organised) she doesn't drain me at all. I just wanted the option to partake in training. But it seems everyone is of the same opinion that my fiance is ruining my life. I tell her about the conversations i have on here as she asks me if i'm finding the community support helpful, but i have to be truthful and say it isn't. I go to town with my fiance and on her normal days she is coping well with the housework, which i why i don't want to bring in anyone from outside and end up setting her back. Everyone's comments seem to be about getting outside carers in despite me keeping expressing that not is NOT what we need. Does anyone have any advice that isn't "just get outside carers" that is what i asked for. i don't understand why people keep mentioning the same options. I actually feel more isolated after receiving responses that i have already explained are not suitable for our situation.
I'm sorry you find our comments unhelpful, we always try to support all carers, however if you and your fiancée are so resistant to having anyone else involved, what else can we suggest? I am really concerned that you can't even have your own carers assessment on your own. What will happen if you enable this situation to continue, then you have an accident and end up in hospital, for example? Then your fiancée would have no one at all to turn to. Introducing someone to help with some domestic chore, even when you are still there, would widen her horizons by 100%!
Hi David
I've had a read back through some of your older posts to get a fuller picture, these aren't really things for the carers assessment but just some random things to try, speaking to the midwife and asking for suggestions how best to help, contacting shelter for housing advice, having a quiet word with GP asking how best you can support your fiance going forwards, and perhaps suggest some on line socialising for your fiance- how about Mumsnet for some practical advice and contact with other young mums.
Have you heard of mindfulness, I think there is quite a boit about it on line and may be of some help, perhaps something you couold introduce your fiance to or even attend a joint class. How about parenting classes that you could go to together, so she doesn't feel alone and afraid. Sorry these are all very random and may not be much help but just looking at differernt angles.
Sorry if we all launch into the get outside help speach, I appreciate how unhelpful that is because if anyone else suggest "residential care" to me I might bite their head off LOL. A lot of us are or have looked after an elderly person so have a completely different perspective.

Back to the question of carers assessment, maybe the authority can provide support from a social worker- is this something that would be of interest if offered? You mentioned training in one of your posts- this is definitely something to bring up at the assessment- can they help with that in any way or point you in the right direction locally.