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Moving Mum to Nursing Home - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Moving Mum to Nursing Home

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I agree that you'll probably need to sign a contract saying you'll pay her fees, but get a copy of that in advance, and take it to a solicitor and basically ask: 'What happens if I refuse to pay after 3 months? Can they sue me, or will they 'evict' my mum?'

If it's only the latter, then of course at that point you basically inform SS you are 'out of the picture' - ie, your mum has NO legal right to live in your house (do check, as I say, that she hasn't acquired a tenancy by being in your house!)(she might not try and enforce it, but good old SS will!) - and then it's up to them to sort something out ....which will NOT include her living with you!

By the way, where was your mum living before she moved in with you? I take it she was renting wherever she lived, or else she'd have the proceeds of her house to pay her care home fees with??
Thanks for advice Jenny, Yes mum was in rented accommodation before she moved in with us. I wish I'd never had her to live with us now, everything is so much more complicated because of that. Do you think SS might try to make my Husband go into residential care? It looks like his mobility is going to be very bad when He comes out of hospital. Can they do that? He will be self funding. Best wishes
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SIGN ANYTHING!
I cannot stress how important this is. YOU must not sign any paperwork whatsoever if mum goes into a nursing home. It is MUM'S responsibility to arrange and pay for her own care, the contract should be with mum. If mum signs and doesn't have enough money, then Social Services take over the bill after a financial assessment. Social Services cannot force her to move back in with you to save them money.
Please, please don't end up with even more problems becasue you don't understand contract law.
OK, so if you put say, two/three months of fees for the care home from YOUR account into your MUM'S account, and your mum signs the contract (she is compos mentes I assume), then you have given the money to your MUM not the care home - so wouldn't that work out as BB has said? ie, your mum will use the money you've given her into her account to pay the initial fees, moving into the care home, then declares she has no more money (which she hasn't, as it came from you in the first place) and SS has to 'take over' the fees....

Do check the care home actually accepts council-paid residents - one of the three care homes my MIL has been in did not. The one she's in now does, and it means that when my MIL hits the LA threshold, there should be 'no problem' about keeping her where she is.

As for her moving in with you versus staying in her own rented flat, actually, it could be that moving in with you was better - she is, technically, 'homeless' now, whereas if she were still in her rented flat SS could just keep her there with care workers calling in (ie, the way they want to do with her in your home).

I don't see why they could force your husband into residential care! It's none of their business because he is self-funding.

But yes, you will need to play hardball with them over your mum - which is why 'evicting' her from your home is important, ie, to discover what her legal rights to live in your home might be! (ie, has she acquired a tenancy of sorts, etc!)
I agree with Jenny, that it should be fine to give mum the initial amount for the home fees, but again, I urge you to talk to the CUK helpline via email to get their advice, as there might be a complication we don't know about.
I have contacted Carers Uk helpline & advice is to inform LA that I will not be able to provide accommodation for Mum from certain date. Also that Mum has no legal right to remain in my home, which is reassuring. At the moment LA will not fund Mum's care home, have said will reconsider when my Husband has been home from hospital for 6 weeks and do another asessement then. Mum had week of respite recently in a care home that would not be suitable for her needs as nearly all residents were dementia suffers, Mum would like to be able to have someone to talk to. LA say because Mum has hoisting needs there is only a certain amount of care homes that would accept her, and that they fund . This does seem to be true from my research. So now if I notify LA that I am not going to provide Mum with accommodation, are they going to put her in this unsuitable home? As recap Mum is happy to go into suitable home as I also have Husband 84 who has very high care needs now. I was hoping to get Husband home from hospital and go through this 6 week period, however Husband came home last week and only home for 2 days and back in hospital with another chest infection & UTI. He is suffering from delirium again ,very bad, threatening to hit me yesterday because I wouldn't take him home. I thought if got this down might be able to go to sleep!!!! I need to sort one of my carees out, as I think I will go mad myself. Thanks for reading.
Linda,
Everything looks worse in the small hours of the night. Social Services must put mum in a NURSING home, not care home, as she needs hoisting, which should be done by two staff. Many homes now have different sections for care, nursing, and EMI (Elderly Mentally Infirm). This sort of home is best, so mum could have the care she needs but mix socially with people who didn't have dementia. Good social activity rooms, trips out, or similar, would be best for mum. Have a look at the CQC website to show what homes are in your area.
Sorry to hear about your husband too, clearly not fit to return home at the moment.
I've been in this Double Whammy situation, it's really horrible, hang on in there and try to find a bit of time for you, maybe a visit to the hairdresser, or massage, or swim, anything that helps you survive.
Whatever you do, do NOT let your mum be 'sent home to you'. Bar the door if she turns up in an ambulance (or whatever). If Carers UK have assured you she has NO legal right to live in your home, that's great. That is your most powerful weapon against SS.

Even if she is unsuited to her current home, if you can tell her to 'hang on in there' for a little while, while you sort out both your husband, and finding a home that suits her nursing needs, isn't full of only dementia-patietns and accepts LA-funded residnts (and the LA funds them there).

Far better your mum puts up with the current place a bit longer, and then moves to a good place for her (you may have to wait for a vacancy remember).

Just do NOT let her home. (Does she have house keys on her? Remove them, so the SS/Ambulence crew, can't use them to 'force' her back into your house).

I hope things improve with your husband, and again, don't let the hospital send him home too soon. Check out 'unsafe discharge' rules - lots of info on this site and with forum members.

As BB says, this is all horrendously stressful for you, but I do hope things 'settle down' and as you get both your mum, and your husband, finally 'sorted' yo ucan look forward to relaxing a bit more, and getting (finally!) some 'Linda-time' for yourself!!!!
Thank you both for your replies- BowlingBun, I will look at CQC website for suitable nursing homes for Mum ,finding it hard to find the time for research!
Jenny, Mum is not in respite now, she is back home with me, but if all else fails I will get another week of respite and not have her home, mind you that is easier said than done. At least CarersUK have said that I can notify LA that will not be providing accomodation for Mum on notified date. That in itself is a relief of sorts.
Thank you both again
Ah, I hadn't realised that! Still, as you say, if you can 'leverage' another round of respite to turn into a permanent residence, that would be good. I would think it sensible to book that in advance (would she be 'self-pay' for that - at least if you could put the money together for that initial week maybe?), booking the respite care into a home that she could then, hopefully, stay on at (I, it suits her, she likes it, and it takes LA-funded residents.)

THEN give the LA her 'leaving date' from your house!

All the very best with it -