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Moving Mum in with me! - Carers UK Forum

Moving Mum in with me!

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Hi folks,

It's crossed my mind several times over the last few weeks about moving Mum in with me. When I moved to this house last August it had planning permission for a 2 storey extension at the side and the previous owner put a garage on (they had intended a kitchen and bedroom over the top but ran out of funds). I was thinking of building another bedroom over the garage with ensuite and then moving Mum in with me. It would make life easier as I wouldn't be going backwards and forwards to Mum's and worrying when I'm not there.

I need people's opinions, is there anyone who has done this already?? Let me know what you all think, I've been weighing up the pro's and con's.

I did think about moving in to Mum's house but with me having my pets here I can't take the dogs and cats round to hers. So I'd have to move in by myself and leave pets and hubby behind Image

Another problem, money, how do I fund this?? We took out a bigger mortgage for this house and don't particularly want to borrow again. Mum owns her house outright.

Any ideas please??

Ask Mum to help you financially.
Hi Elaine

I wish I had been able to move my Mum in with me - it would have been a lot of easier and less hassle ! But my flat is only one bedroom, whereas Mum's has two bedrooms so it made more sense for me to come here. I still have my flat and use it as my bolt hole when I get some respite time.

I don't know your family situation or how your Mum's property might be left in her will - but I'm presuming that if you moved her in with you she would either sell or let or own place - so is there any possibility of her funding the building works to your place ? I did think about selling my place and Mum's and then us buying somewhere jointly but it raised too many issues on the inheritance front in the future as other family members have an interest in her property.

Good luck with whatever y u decide !

My first reaction on reading this was whether having your mother living on the first rather than the ground floor would be a very practical solution in the long term and I wonder whether converting the garage into a living/bedroom space with en-suite or with the addition of a shower room would be a more practical, less disruptive and cheaper long-term solution because whilst stairs may not present a problem at the moment they might at a later date and even a stair lift involves a high degree of manual handling should she ever be unable to mobilise independently. I do know people who have converted attached garages into living space so I imagine that it would not be too difficult to gain planning permission for change of use dependent on suitability.

I do not know whether your mother owns her home but, like Dorothy, if she does I would have thought that it would make sense whatever you decide to do for your mother to sell her home and fund the extension/adaptation or, if she does not own her home, to fund or contribute towards the costs if possible, you would need legal advice if you were considering your mother contributing to or fully funding the cost especially if there are issues around her mental capacity.

An alternative, if there is one near you, your mother has a property to sell and is agreeable, might be a retirement village where care and activites are available, your mother would be able to maintain an appropriate degree of independence whilst she is able to and many of these villages can adapt the care to meet increasing needs including nursing care.
Hi everyone,

Thanks for your replies.

Susieq, Mum would be leaving her house to me and some money to the 2 children. She's alwasy wanted me to have her house and live there!!

I've heard that if Mum sold her house and moved in with me that if for some reason she ended up in a nursing home - say she needed round the clock nursing care and I was unable to do that. I'd end up having to pay the council back the money from the sale of Mum's house(to pay for nursing fees). That would put me in an awkward position if I'd already spent most of it converting my house!! I was told the council could take me to Court to reclaim some of the monies?? Not sure how true this is and I would have to seek legal advice.

If I ask Mum's opinion she would just say wait a bit longer until she gets really bad. I don't want to leave it till that happens.

Wish I had a crystal ball!! Image

Still mulling things over and am totally undecided.

Thanks, Elaine.
Hi Elaine,

I would contact your local council and ask about a disability living grant. An OT would become involved to access your mum’s mobility and it should also be pointed out that people with dementia do eventually lose their mobility so ground floor would be best.
I am afraid grants are mean-tested and you would have to pay it back once the house was sold. A person with dementia only receives full continuing care from level 5-6 and that is when the NHS should pay for it!
Here's some useful information http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CaringForSo ... G_10031523
Hi Elaine
The money issue is a tricky one, also what is legal today could be different in the future. At present I think the law states that after 10 years the council have no legal right or claim to any money that has been given to you for what ever use. Also there is a limit to how much the council can take, they have to leave a residue form a persons savings etc I think it recently increased from £10,00 to £20,000.

My mum moved into our home just about 10 years ago from her council house, we shared the cost of adapting our property, then when we moved we absorbed all the cost of adapting the property. Mum recently agreed to go into a residential care home, I was quite shocked to hear from the SW that if mum hadn't have agreed then SS would not have taken her as a resident unless we went to court to obtain an eviction order, regardless of our ability to cope with mums care needs they wouldn't have been able to help with rehoming her.

Mum moved in with us for the same reasons, we thought it would be easier than trekking back and forth. It did work out well for a number of years but it did over time became increasingly difficult sharing our home with a third person both in space wise and privacy wise etc. Also I really think we got less help from SS because they could so easily opt out of responsability regarding mums care needs. And of course the reality seems to be who really carers about the carer? Its not really until you live that you'll understand how nonstop full on caring for, being responsable for,.someone elses welfare etc is.

Best wishes
If money from the sale of your Mum's home was used to effectively provide her with another home, i.e. garage conversion, I don't think the Council can take the money back.

They have to prove that you deliberately used her money in order to avoid care charges.

I'd go along with other posters - convert the garage rather than extension, cheaper, easier, planning will almost certainly be provided due to the reason you need it. It's unlikely to add much value to your property - garage conversion v. lack of a garage is probably about equal, so should help in any future battles with the Council over care fees.
I went through the process of applying for a disability grant. It took 2 years for the work to start and by the time it was finished mum only had use of it for less than 6 months before she became bedridden.

There was a 7 year clause put on the property and if that 'property was sold' within that time period the money had to be paid back...

You will need to check if that includes moving in to a nursing home.