moving from one nursing home to another

[Green pea]

One day I will not be frazzled and will be able to contribute valuable support and advice to this forum, rather than just asking for help! I recently posted regarding the utter trauma of the initial move of your caree to a nursing home. My mum has been there now for 11 days. it got better, though it still pains me to leave her there. she has fallen several times, as she attempts to get up herself (especially if she needs the loo and carers don't respond soon enough to her buzzer. Overall, most staff have been good. I doubt there is a home anywhere where buzzers can get answered instantaneously. Anyway, the home she is in was number three on my list but was the only one with a vacancy when we were under pressure to get mum out of hospital. I found out yesterday that there is now a room available at the home that was first on my list. it has a very good reputation and has been recommended to me by several people. the room is nice and mum would be able to have more of her stuff there. the place has a lovely atmosphere. it is slightly easier for me to get to (and I will be going a lot). I think I'd like to move her. Does that sound like madness? I admit that it is sadly true that she is more confused than usual after initial move and has been upset and stressed sometimes. The thought of going through the initial process of introducing her to the new home is not a good one but I would do it if I thought it was best. anyone any experience of this? I am planning to take mum to see it at weekend but given the lady she is, she is quite able to make a decision on how nice the cake is

[susieq]

Hello Green Pea

Normally I wouldn't recommend a move this early, but given that Mum hasn't really had time to get 'settled' yet it could work out OK in the long run. After a few days in the new home she will probably have forgotten about the first one anyway and the big 'plus' of course is that you will probably be more settled and happier in your own mind which would 'rub off' on her when you visit.

Wait and see what her reaction is to the new place and then make your decision (nice cakes can make a big difference in the decision making process !).

[Dancedintherain]

No experience of moving my careee (partly because it was the only who would take him!!) but.............I say...
Trust yourself and your feelings. You know her better than anyone. Just make sure they offer cake and tea on first visit

If they serve home made macaroons, can I come for a visit too?
And I hope it goes smoothly for you both.
(Check out the notice of exit fees...so you don't get an unexpected surprise)

[jenny lucas]

Just to say that I moved my MIL from her first dementia home within about a week I think, definitely within a fortnight. I'd had to move her in there in a huge rush (she got evicted in the space of a week from her Abbeyfield, as she'd 'wandered'), and I put her in the first dementia home I could find that had vacancies.

But immediately after she went in I found a much nicer one that had a room going, so I moved her there straight away. Never regretted it - my only regret is that a year later she had to be evicted again (more wandering!), and she is now back in the one I took her out of, because it has a secure unit (her dementia sadly has worsened considerably since then.)

My objection to the first dementia home was mainly because it felt too 'advanced' for her (poor souls lying inert in hospital beds as you walked down the corridor), and it wasn't as homely as the one I moved her too. I still regret she's had to go back - it's pretty gloomy alas, BUT the staff are wonderful, and I feel that her advanced stage her actual physical surroundings mean very little to her - it's the quality of care and 'affection' she gets that is important now.

Though I loved the second home - it was on a hill, lovely views to the coast, felt like a 'motel', in fact MIL took almost no notice of the location, or the nice gardens, or the views or anything!

So, in a way, maybe it's up to your mum as to which she feels 'happier' in. But if she likes the one you like best, then do go for it. Better, I feel, to change this early, before settling in to the first one, while she is still relatively 'unsettled' over all.

I did feel bad about the first care home in that I yanked her out so quickly, because it felt like a bit of an insult, but in the end one has to do what is best for one's caree. The homes 'fill up' very quickly again anyway! (And someone will be very grateful for your mum's current room if she moves out!)

Hope you can get it all sorted and look forward to a more settled time all round - kind regards, Jenny

PS - have you signed a contract already with the home your mum is in? I was very fortunate in that I hadn't actually signed the contract with the home I took her out of (where she is back again anyway, a year later)!, so I didn't have to pay for a month when she wasn't there, which really helped as she is self-funding.

[Anne001]

Hi Green Pea,

I have no experience of moving mum from one home to another; it was traumatic enough doing it once! I would only say do it sooner rather than later so that mum's confusion is lessened.

Certainly check, as Jenny says, any exit penalties and costs of the two homes. Is this self-funding, or would Social Services have any objection? Also, although home made cakes are nice, I would concentrate on the new home having end-of-life care so that there is no danger of mum having to move again.

A stressful time for you both. Good luck, Anne x

[P_2109]

My Mum is in a terrible home but SW says "you can't just move her" I never selected/chose this home" I have LPA so what can I do in this situation please.

[Melly1]

This is an old thread.

P_2109 your original thread is here https://www.carersuk.org/forum/specific ... home-44322
Not sure if you saw the responses?

Melly1