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Others interfering - Carers UK Forum

Others interfering

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
This post is most likely going to be a rant, so i apologise now, it may also be seen as feeling sorry for myself, but here go's.

for the past 5 years i have been a carer i never asked to be a carer but it happened and i had to be, but the thing is we now have an ex carer come into our lives who is now a "friend", now, over the past 18 month's i have noticed that i can do nothing right in there eyes, with various comment,s in the genre of you should, you want too, basically nothing is up to there standared,, i am now on the verge of telling them what i really think of them but am too mild mannered to do so, my caree is also at the point off agreeing with everything they say.
the latest incident involves something as simple as choosing carpets, my choice was wrong so guess what, we have had to go with what they think is the best choice!!.
I do all the cleaning cooking washing prsonal care shopping ironing etc, but nothing is up to there standered.

ok rant over, i suppose what im asking is for a nice way to get them to back off.
i hope somebody has been in the same posistion
Hi tony and welcome Image
Your not feeling sorry for yourself at all. This is a great place to let your feelings out. How has this person come to be in your life?
It just started with her being a carer coming into our home to care for my caree, and has seemed to snowball from there india,
apologies tony, i thought you were a new member! Image

Was this person a family friend or a carer from an organisation?
no need to apologise india, she started as a carer, but has somehow got into our personal lives, im not even sure how it has happened.
I am not sure if you will be able to use this in any way but paid agency carers who come into people's homes to provide care are supposed to keep a professional distance from the people for whom they care, they are not supposed to form friendships or meet them outside the caring role. Inevitably some paid carers and the people for whom they care do get to know each other well over time and like each other but usually this professional distance is maintained. If the carer is still employed by the agency she may be in breach of her contract.

But... if your caree enjoys and wants this person's friendship and company you also have to respect her wishes and do nothing to breach her trust. I will not suggest anything but, if relevant, you may be able to use this knowledge to find a way to agree with the carer to back off a little from over involvement in your lives whilst still visiting your caree so that they can enjoy each other's company, just tread very carefully, this relationship obviously means a lot to your caree and perhaps the carer.