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Moral Dilemma - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Moral Dilemma

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Excalibur asked why I feel so strongly about this. It's because it's (allegedly) a disability fiddle, rather than another type of fiddle. When I taught in the community, I knew of students (because they told me) that were working whilst being an asylum seeker. I asked them please don't tell me any more etc but I did not feel upset particularly. However, if they told me they were fiddling disability benefits, I would have felt that was more wrong somehow. It is just my opinion - it's how I see the world. They were students and that is a confidentiality issue so I would never have reported them anyway.

This is my last post on the site, so I won't be able to answer any more posts. (But do continue to discuss this issue if you want of course.) I was very upset to feel I had pretty much been labelled a busybody who was out to cause distress and harm to another person by Piscesmaid. My caree doesn't understand why I have been crying and I have told her I am just tired. I realise I am probably over-sensitive and that is a fault, but I have not grown out of it yet. I have had enough in my life of being told I'm all manner of negative things -I don't need it on this site too. You may both be right - perhaps I am a vile person , but there is still a small part of me that believes I am not. I want to keep hold of that small part.

Good luck and wishing all fellow carers and their carees all the best for the future. And Alex, hope you stand for election in the future after uni - we so need someone like you in politics. But I suspect you will find something more rewarding. Bye everyone. Cherishxxx
This is not worth leaving the site over Cherish, disability benefits are a sensitive issue and one which many of us feel strongly about, many have had to fight for them, luckily I have not, and they are under constant threat.

I too felt shocked and angry when someone I once knew told me that he and his wife had "lied their heads off" and that his wife had been awarded higher rate care and lower rate mobility, once I had got over my disbelief I had the same dilemma as you, I chose not to report them but I did cut off all contact with them, whether I had reported them or not I would always, as I do now for not reporting them, know that I had done the wrong thing, report them and I would be betraying someone who had been a friend for many years, do not report them and I had been an accessory to a crime, it was unfair of the person you know to put you in this position as it was unfair of the person I knew to put me in the same position.

Please do not let their unfairness and how you feel some of us have responded to your dilemma deny you the friendship and the support of this board, I think that by putting you in this situation and causing your moral dilemma the person has caused you enough concern without adding to it and we would all miss you so her act of dishonesty will not only impact on you, it will impact on those of us who enjoy your company and I apologise if my response to your first post was insensitive.


don't leave, you are entitled to your say as are the rest of us.


Report her for claiming for not having a partner - the rest will surely follow.

oh come on ladies, this is silly, we are all different, so we act differently to situations, dilemmas and problems, surely if we cannot speak honestly here, where can we, why are some on the defensive side all time? isnt friendship off line and online built on honesty, not tip toeing around each other? we are all different.

I ^dobbed^ someone in once for claiming and working and I have no conscience about it, I didnt discuss it with anyone, I felt I was sure of myself enough and my convictions and proof to do so.

If you ask a question, you have to be willing to read some replies that maybe somethng you dont want to hear, if you dont, then dont ask.
I know that I have a lot going on at the moment and have missed many posts but I am really surprised and upset by what I am reading. Although it is inevitable that when a large number of people come together that some will strike up close friendships with one or more members, I have never perceived this board as being a cliquey and judgmental space. I suppose that it is very much as one personally finds it but I have seen it as somewhere where I can come and go, post or not post, as my situation allows and where all members are part of what makes this board such a good place to visit and, on the whole, where sometimes strongly held views and opinions, whilst not always agreed with, after all this is a discussion board, respected.

Caring is extremely stressful, other things going on in our lives can add to that stress, I do know that there are times when some of the issues I have to deal with make me question myself and I become oversensitive and at these times I keep away for a while to avoid misinterpreting posts because I am likely to take something personally which was not intended to be taken personally, there also times when I want to respond to someone but am not equipped to, this does not mean that I do not care, I just do not have the words, I am not saying that this is what is happening here, I might be even weirder than I realise Image , but it might be worth considering the possibility, cherish and piscesmaid, because it would be a loss to all of us if you leave. Please reconsider.

I'm actually glad anon has flounced off in a huff (but I'm sure she will be back) because it actually showed me that this is not a healthy place for me to be.
It's a very healthy place to be, take it from me, and I have probably had more stick than most on this forum over the years. If we can't handle different views, then maybe we should avoid the net completely, but if we are genuinely interested in dialogue, then lets all get stuck in and say what we really think (personal abuse excepted of course, but there hasn't been any of that on this board lately).

But no forum is complete without a few laydees announcing their immediate departure from time to time because of some imagined slight, and whilst I probably shouldn't say so, it is fairly entertaining for us blokes. From past experience, they are usually back in about... 37 hours and counting.... and most welcome they are too, because we love them all really, though we are all far too polite to ever refer to it. Image
A typical male response Image , I have witnessed a few males leaving forums in a huff too and can they bear grudges Image .
Forums are like any other "club." The difference is that it's much easier to join and/or leave a forum, I suppose, because it requires less of you to be a part of it.

Personally I've always found this forum to be supportive and helpful. As Excalibur said, this is a very healthy place to be, on the whole. And it's by far the most active carers web forum open to view.