[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
MIL refusing to let hair be washed! What to do??? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

MIL refusing to let hair be washed! What to do???

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Great to find that link anne i have been looking everyone for my granny for these.she is bed bound and hasnt got hair washed in so long because of this.will get them so carers can wash her hair
Sunny, those are good questions, but I suspect it boils down to your final comment - choice. She chooses NOT to subject to what she sees as a quite unnecessary ordeal.

She was always an exceptionally strong minded woman (lots of head-to-head rows with my hubby, and I was often peacemaker to their stubborn opposition to each other - often on totally trivial points of recall)(they almost came to blows about where a picture had been hung in her in-laws house!)(I tactfully always sided with her....!) (then sided with my husband once we were alone!).

When she doesn't want to do something she just does not do it. She bashed away at the hands of the carer trying to mop her face, and then did the same to me! She is, alas, these days, what Victorians might have called 'wilful'!

Yes, I guess it's all she has left, in a world that is not to her liking at all any longer.

I will do my best with persuasion, but I fear it might have to be 'imposed' on her whether she likes it or not. She simply can't be left with hair that dirty - it's a health risk if nothing else. (And like I say, she could live several more years yet!)

I will check out that dry one, sigh, if needs must.

Sadly, my own temperament is very 'impatient' which is probably not the best for her. I can't bear people making a 'stupid fuss' etc etc.

My friend with her live in father says he can be extremely 'wilful' at times. It's because they see absolutely no reason for something. I guess we'd be 'wilful' too if someone tried to make us do something 'stupid'....

Oh, what a wretched condition dementia is. I'm probably getting a bit worked up at the thought of her son arriving and seeing how 'low' she has sunk from his memory of only three years ago when he came over for her 90th birthday and she was so, so much better than she is now.....now she is just a 'wreck' of the person she once was. This filthy hair business seems to have summed it up for me. I'd better chillax a little. I just do not want his last memory of his mother to be a sad 'shambolic' woman with filthy hair.....they both deserve better than that.

Again, thank you for everything. 'Rant over'!!!! :)
Oh Jenny I do understand you. My hubby was fastidious. Washed his hair 3 times a week, etc etc. When I see it so greasy I despair. Staff can't force him through.
Pet, would your husband not agree to YOU washing his hair for him? (Even if you had to have a carer with you to help you?)
Morning Jenny
Afraid not, re me washing his hair. He won't even allow me to cut up his food or do his nails. He likes me to comb his hair and moisturise his face arms hands. Should the staff go his room to sort out toilet needs when I'm there, he flatly refuses! I have to make a pretence that I need to go to the ladies, and scarper. Takes two staff to help him.
Before dementia and strokes and even when it was starting he would allow me to help, but now.....
Don't know why and to be honest I'm not allowing myself to think too deeply on that score. I have to treasure the positive times and am grateful he is pleased to see me and indeed still knows us all. I would if allowed, do anything to help him, but not at the cost of him being upset and agitated, All so very painful.