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“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
Reading this has made me feel so emotional, thank you for sharing it with us.
Thanks for sharing Image this made me so sad but it's also so true.

I really value the little things my hubby and I have, even me giving him his toothbrush so he can clean his teeth, bringing him his flannel for his face etc etc, if my hubby manages to smile to me that feels like a million dollars. Every little thing is done with love in my heart and I know hubby would do the same if it was the other way round.

I dread the day when hubby will pass away from his cancer Image
Thanks jo for this heart felt .warming story it was emotional coffeex
I have read that before but it did not stop me from reading it here again right to the end. So easy at times to miss what is right in front of us

Thank you

x x
Thank you for sharing.xx
Thanks for sharing this with us, so true & I love the bit where she is carried over the threshold, this story should be read by everyone - we have recently been to a funeral in Yorkshire & our friend who was 80 passed having had such an amazing life she would have liked this too.

But her son who is now retired really, he felt nothing at her passing - I can understand this - but it crossed my mind her son who was my wife's first husband funnily enough, he has never really held down a married always had an air & a spare type lifestyle, so it occurd to me & I honestly don't mean this in a cruel way whatsoever, but possibly some people who are on their own for whatever reason' do they grow emotionally - . I mean do we learn emotional intelligence as one person put some years ago or do we grow regardless - anyway as I say that isn't meant to say single people disabled healthy etc are not full emotional human beings & no doubt stronger for it - but is simply an observation.

But yes, marriage or any relationship is always worth fighting for it is our spiritual destiny & long may it be so. God bless.
How sad, but yet beautiful in the simplicity of its message. Thank you for printing it. Image
Thank you for sharing this, I have never read it before and it has made me so emotional, and, I have to be truthful, humbled as to day I have been feeling irritable. I am 46, carer to my hubby, who is 77. As we are an age-gap marriage (happily for 14 years and still happy), I know one day it is inevitable that I will be on my own. It is hard for me to write that, as I push it to the back of my mind. Hubby is my best friend, and due to his arthritis and asbestosis, cannot do much around the house any more, but regardless of how he is feeling, always makes my sandwiches for work, and has a cup of tea on the table when I get home. This means more to me than anything in the world.
Phoebe x
I read this today with tears in my eyes, because it is our Wedding Anniversary. Hubby is apologising for being in bed and for being a nuisance. I said to him you are never a nuisance, not to me. I did have feelings once that I was no longer a wife but a carer but we have worked this out now between ourselves. It is hard enough watching the one you love fade away. Where did my big motorbiker go, the one who walked with me in the valley of the kings many times. One who took me for 2 weeks every year on the back of a big fast motorbike to France in July and also to Scotland in May. I know where he is, he is in my heart my soul and my fantastic memories that we shared together, always and forever mine.