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Why do I need to justify my decision? - Carers UK Forum

Why do I need to justify my decision?

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Does anyone else feel like this, or is it just me?
Recently, having decided to reduce my hours at work, and go from full time to part time, Naturally, I've been letting friends, family and colleagues know what is going on. The decision is due to Hubby's declining health, I have noticed the steady decline since April. he now needs care at home and I've been making myself ill trying to do everything and still work full time.
But the thing is this. People, even caring and well meaning people, have come out with all sorts of comments such as "but what will you DO all day?", "what exactly does hubby need doing for him?" and "you are so lucky. Wish I could go part time" and even "you don't know when you may need to come back full time. In 10 or 15 years....".
I get all flustered, and find myself explaining and justifying my decision, and I find it so difficult to explain what is involved on a day to day, and even a night to night basis, to someone who has never been a carer. Most people are genuinely concerned, and well meaning so I don't like to be rude.
Does anyone else come across this, or am I just bad at handling it?
Any insights appreciated.
Phoebe x
Oh yes, I got that too Image

Dont bother trying to justify it. If its a flippant remark (wish I could go part time etc) I just smiled and said something innane like - well there you go then! If they genuinely want to know I might explain what hubbys like and what I have to do.
But really, you dont have to justify yourself. It will pass as they get used to it.
I got this when I finished work to look after my hubby. Even my sil who should have know better said 'I wish I could retire' Image
You don't need to justify yourself to anyone.
You not on your own Pheobe! Image For some reason, some people (not carers) just seem to come out with these comments. They have no idea of what caring is, or what it does to the carer. I also find i justify myself at times, and i dont know why i do it!x
Thank you, Crocus and Booksy, glad it's not only me. I thought I was over reacting to things because I have a lot on my mind, and have been stressed and emotional.
I'll take your advice and not let it get to me.
Phoebe x
Sorry, india, I think we were posting at the same time. thank you, it makes me feel better to know that. and I think you're right. they probably just come out with it without even thinking.
xx
they probably just come out with it without even thinking.
(As Churchie) Oh Yes!
They do.
Or do they?
I remember my sister, looking at our new Motability car, saying "It's nice for some people, getting a FREE car every three years! Wish I could!"
I coulda slapped her!
Until my wife said "I would swap my Motability car for a pain free existence and be able to go out to work every day like you do."
That shut my sister up.
For now.
My brother once told me motability cars were free...........now he asks 'is this right?' Image Image

People who aren't doing what we do really have no idea about any of it.
When I worked, before I was 'lucky enough to get early retirement' (I only got that once too Image Image) I just used to say I'd already done a day's work before I got to work, with another to do when I got home............and they could make what they liked of that.
awwwh phoebe , you are so NOT ALONE!! ...read my dilemma posts , 'return to work .. ain't working...' ..do you know that i even have found myself justifying being at home to my eldest son!? he was 10 when his father dropped in front of him and had a stroke!
no carer has to justify anything, but we do ...and continue to do so ....and with all the social pressure and the welfare reforms which label and pigeon hole people not in paid work....we are constantly under pressure ....frankly they just don't get IT...i get inner strength from this forum, knowing you are not alone is a real comfort....just ask them to walk one step in your shoes....or ....tell you what ..you have my part time salary and my sick husband and i'll have your full time salary and your fit n well husband.... Image
Phoebe, you don't have to justify a thing.

If you feel the need to answer, tell them: "Try living my life, and then you'll know."