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lost daughter - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

lost daughter

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
64 posts
Image Many thanks for all your support,it means a lot.
Our autistic son came home today from college saying that this tutor keeps on to him asking if he wants to leave home, he keeps telling her no but its getting to him. he has written in a diary that we have that he feels that he would die with out us.
He saw his sister today and she told him to F off , now this is totally out of character for her and she has been brought up better than that. It seems that this tutor has put ideas in her head that she can say and do anything she likes to people and thats ok.
Trouble is with our son is he wants to go to college and does not understand the gravity of certain situations, he is always the one walking on the edge of a pavement on a busy road etc.
Still keep on going.
I was also appalled to hear this story, and you have my sympathy.

I've had some training in adult abuse, and to prevent contact with friends, family and other people is abuse, especially so where there are severe communication difficulties. You should contact the Care Commission urgently http://www.csci.org.uk/ and complain about this abuse, requesting that one of their inspectors investigate the matter.
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"This tutor who seems to be the main problem has blocked everyone who knew our daughter from seeing her from carers to transport drivers who took her and brought her back from college and the powers that be allow this by saying its our daughters wishes, so all these people did not care for her , crap.
This person has systematically removed all the people who can communicate with our daughter. "
Image many thanks for advice and will act on it.
Today our son was to have IQtest etc to see if what we were saying was true that he is autistic ,well he told the dr that he did not want to do test as he has done so many so he said no.He handed over 3 diagnosis from 3 seperate drs saying he was autistic.
The dr then told him fine but i will have to tell your social worker. our son replied that he hasnt got one and has never asked for one. The dr told our son that a social worker had signed a form to ask for tests as his social worker, this the dr told our son is illegal(is this true?).
Our daughter was also tested and as this was supposed to be an independent test why did this bloody tutor go into the test room with our daughter and rephrase the questions to her also put pencil in daughters hand and hold her arm down to try to write(she is incapable of doing so)anyway our son who was not paying much attention as per his condition said that they worked sammys age out to be below 10yrs of age her age being 20yrs.
After the drs had gone this tutor took our son and put him in the head of departments room ,then locked the doorand started asking him questions.
have you tv in your room
are you being fed enough
do you go out
have you a stereo in your room
are they caring for you at home
Now surely this is harrasment in the extreme of a boy with disabilitys and also confirms our suspicions about what she did to our daughter

It seems quite a drastic step to consider, but if this was happening in my family I would be banging at the door of the local police station. This is an abuse of a priviledged position and it`s no wonder people don`t want to involve social services in their lives if this is the kind of thing that they allow to happen.
Sorry for ranting, but I just wish I could kidnap you daughter back for you.

Take care

Would it be worth talking to the police anyway. They could at least look into the treatment your son has recieved and, you never know, they may have other complaints on record that could help.
Take care and keep strong. (((hug)))
Hi Jon
If these people cant give you any explanation why you cannot have contact with your daughter get them to explain to you and your family what right they have in not telling you what as caused this situation in the first place.
You are being told your daughter doesnt want any thing to do with you.
Your son is being put through unesscary treatment also.
They must tell you what your daughter said to them so you can a least give your side of the story or at least defend yourself.
This as gone on to long it's disgusting.
Image Well its now a month the longest we had ever been away from our daughter was 2 weeks.
The problem now which adult comm care face is the fact they told us in no uncertain terms that as our daughter was 20 yrs old she was able to make decissions herself and she did not need us as her legal gaurdians.
Now they have done the IQtests and found that her mental age is below that of a 10yr old what can they do, the college tutor and staff were questioning her on her own with our autistic son as her representitive and adult care was doing the same .
What also is strange is that if our son goes on any activity outside college grounds we are given a consent form to sign as his parents/gaurdian/carer yet the college want him to sign paper work for our daughter, any sense in that?.
Hi, Jonjo,

Your daughter is a 'vulnerable adult', and now they have established her mental age, no-one can dispute that. To keep her away from friends and family is abuse of a vulnerable adult.

It's just a thought, but your council should publish a 'statement of policy' in respect of their 'Adult Protection Policy'. This will have been drawn up in partnership with other organisations such as the police, health organisations, etc.. There is probably a clause in there that states carers of vulnerable adults should be involved in discussions about the future of vulnerable adults. Also, there will be other guidelines for 'the professionals' about how interviews should be conducted, who (and how many people) should be present, how the person is assessed, etc.. It sounds very much as though no-one has followed these guidelines!!!

You should be able to find a copy of your council's Policy on the Internet or in your public library - or ask Social Services to send you a copy by 1st class post immediately.

Better still, take the advice others have given and visit your police station. Ask to see their copy of the Policy and tell them what you have told us. The police would have been party to this document so they should have an interest in your case. And keep badgering your MP!!!

We're all rooting for you!
Hello Jonjo
Sorry I can't offer you any advice but just wanted you to know your situation has shocked me.
I wouldn't have believed that it was possible for this to happen. I hope some of the advice others have offered you can help you get your daughter back.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Take Care
Love Kaydee xx
You must visit the police, if they are not interested in a possible kidnap offence there will be the smaller charge of the theft of the speaking aid to be considered.
I cannot understand how your daughter is able to make decisions on her own when she is unable to communicate.
The other members have given you excellent advice which I hope you will take heed of.
with very best wishes for a speedy end to your suffering.
64 posts