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Losing Mum - Carers UK Forum

Losing Mum

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I feel so sad. Can’t stop crying. Cared for my poor mum at home until last Thursday when I agreed with district nurse that mum should be admitted to hospital. She’s suffered such horrific pain. You wouldn’t let an animal suffer what she has every day. She didn’t want to go. Wailing and in such pain when the paramedics moved her, even though they’d given her some morphine. She’s now In local hospital. I thought they’d try and control pain, get her stronger and I’d get her back home mum’s 93. I was in shock when doctor came into mum’s room and explained she would be receiving palliative care. My partner arrived just as doctor was telling me this and we both broke down. She said the aim was to keep her comfortable and treat her with dignity. Couldn’t believe what we were hearing. Mum and I have lived together for 62 years and I just can’t imagine life without her. I’m an only child. It sounds daft but people will see me as this middle aged woman but I feel like her child who’s going to be an orphan and losing such a huge part of my life. We’ve been sitting by her bedside each day. This afternoon she was in pain and bit distressed. Nurse gave her painkillers ( getting the injection gave her a fright not hearing or seeing the needle coming behind her) it was so distressing. We also asked for something to calm her and that was given.. this evening she was settled and looked peaceful which is all that matters but I feel so sorry for myself. I know it’s selfish but can’t help it. Sorry
Sarah, I lost my mum, the only way to stop the pain was to give her so much pain relief that it slowly and peacefully put her into a deep sleep, and she passed away. I could not have wished her to live another minute in pain, but I miss her every day.
Google "Signs of Dying" I know how dreadful it is to type those words, but you do need to know now how the body slowly shuts down.. It will enable you to understand more. Dying is a natural part of life, gentle on those ending their days, but so, so tough on those who are left. Normal life will seem to stand still for a while, be kind to yourself. We are all here for you.
My sympathies, I've lost my mum recently and she was 88, so I have some idea of how you feel, though of course we're all different, You're perfectly entitled to feel sorry for yourself, we all react differently and it's all part of the process. We're on here to support eachother so use it. it's what it's here for.

Everyone feels like a little kid again facing the loss of their parents - I know I do. I lost dad many years ago and still think of him now.

It's a cliche but time is a great healer and as time goes on, you'll feel better bit by bit. It's been 2 weeks for me now and I take it day by day. I found a poem amongst mum's things and although it makes me cry, it gives some comfort too - as if I was meant to find it, somehow. I hope it helps you, too at this difficult time:

Everything's going to be OK,
Things are going to get better soon,
And because you are the special person you are,
I don't think it's going to take very long,
I want to give you every bit of encouragement I possibly can,
Believe in yourself because you really are wonderful,
And don't forget that beyond the clouds that sometimes get in your way,
The sun in shining just for you
And everything is going to be OK.