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Loosing the social graces. - Page 2 -Carers UK Forum

Loosing the social graces.

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
OK,OK.Stress relief coming up.Take a deep breath and concentrate on not smiling at me.If you can go more than 10 seconds without smiling at me then you need stress therapy.Me,when i get stressed,i just jump on Michael and stress him instead!!!
Yep add me to the list I'm getting a right grumpy mare. I also feel that I'm becoming invisible Image

I'm finding getting out and talking to people very difficult at the minute and I am having to force myself out of my comfort zone
I'm a widowed grumpy, constantly exhausted. I'm expected to be Superwoman. Knee replacement in October, Ombudsman investigating my local authority and care provider, mum in hospital until today. Having taken my son back to his flat this morning, round trip 40 miles, I had a call from the hospital on the answerphone, mum ready for discharge today but she couldn't be discharged until she had some day clothes to go home in, so could I "pop" down with them. I told them I couldn't, I just couldn't drive another 40 miles today as my new knee was already hurting and swollen. Had they got their act together yesterday, and told me they were needed (only because the ones I'd taken in for mum had been given back to me last time I visited!) I could have made a short detour (4 miles at most) when I took my son back. They tried really hard to put the blame on me, but I told them it was their fault for not ensuring that mum had everything ready for discharge. In the end they sent mum home in an ambulance by herself, wearing nightdress and dressing gown, covered with a blanket. 4 weeks after I asked, still no Carers Assessment. Still no adaptations to the front entrance, the ambulance staff could only just get mum into her own bungalow in the wheelchair. By nature I'm a really happy, fun loving person but I'm hopelessly ground down. One thing is for certain, no one involved with mum cares one bit about me and my needs.
Know how you feel Bowlingbun. My Dad has been a prisoner in his own house since hospital sent him home with a wheeled walking frame which greatly eases his mobility and he wants to get out, but can`t because he can`t get it down the steps. OT answer was he would get a ramp if he was in a wheelchair..........we are trying to keep him out of a wheelchair!.........this contraption is a seat on wheels, so that got thrown back at them, plus the fire risk as in the event of a fire he couldn`t get out unaided. All falling on deaf ears.

Keep nagging at Social services about your carers assessment......trust me, it is the only way.

Take care
There's now another chapter to my story. Didn't sleep well last night, woken at 8am by the phone - mum sat on the toilet with terrible diarrhoea, too weak to get off, but sent her carer to her next job! In the end mum rang the Lifeline, paramedics called, local hospital wouldn't take her as they didn't want to get norovirus, so she was taken to Royal Bournemouth Hospital. She has spent all day in A&E waiting for a bed. Apparently so chaotic there that the nurse told me that there were so many poorly people coming to the hospital that they couldn't take them all in, so ambulances were queuing up outside waiting to discharge their patients, so that they could get back on the road again. What sort of NHS is this?
Lack of sleep, nervy, feeling of isolation, no confidence in anything I do...........spent years trying to pass driving test, finally did it this year, haven't driven since beginning of July let alone go out in the car on my own.
I think that its so easy to just give-up trying to be nice when life just batters you about the face every day.Carers often feel battered.
To each their own Everyone is different and no one size ever can fit all.
Carers do a very important job which saves the NHS millions of pounds every year but the NHS has nothing to support us when we are struggling to cope, in my experience. I've been caring since 1979, no holiday for 25 years. I was managing to cope with all sorts of demands on my time until I became seriously ill, followed closely by the death of my husband and a head on smash which left me disabled, in constant pain, virtually unable to walk. I know that by nature I am happy and cheerful, able to cope with almost anything. At every election recently both Conservatives and Lib Dems have approached me to represent them, but I can't due to my caring responsibilities and health issues. When I realised that I was so bogged down with pain and caring that I could hardly function at all, I went to my GP for help, only to be told that there was nothing available on the NHS for me, and gave me the details of a counsellor who would charge £25 per hour. On the news last week they were talking about another wonder drug which would prolong life which cost thousands a year. As carers, we need to know that help and support is there for us when we need it. Surely a bit of free counselling after 32 years of caring isn't unreasonable? Doesn't my well being matter?
I agree.Carers DO save millions and get very little in return.That is very true.