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Lies, damn lies... - Carers UK Forum

Lies, damn lies...

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My Mum has recently had a fall and required a new hip. After the op the doctor came to see her when I was there, and told her she needed to walk on it and embed it in, and she would be out with in 5 days. That was 11 days ago, and now she has been moved to rehab as she will not get out of bed and walk on it. She moans continually about the pain and tells us that the doctor told her 'she would have 6 or 7 weeks of terrible pain and then it will go'. No she didn't! I was there! If I say that he doctor did not say that I am screamed at. She is now manipulating rehab and refusing to eat their food, and wants us to bring meals in which we are refusing to do. She manipulates over food a lot all the time at home... one week she loves something and the next can't understand why we are making her eat it. It is a form of power. She was loving the company in the hospital ward, but is now in a room of her own. I think she was hoping to stay in hospital for 7 weeks and have a holiday, but of course that wasn't going to happen. The problem is... is she in pain as it has gone wrong, or is she lying? She has cried wolf so many times (including 'hallucinating' when she is bored or not centre of attention) that we never know when to believe her any more. This is so depressing and getting me really down. Anybody else having similar problems? :-???
Hi Sally,
I have had both my hips done and yes it is painful in the beginning. The pain from the incision (think how much a paper cut hurts and then look at the length of her scar,) plus the pain from all the rough handling they do whilst in surgery, (watch the op online, if you can bear to!) The first fortnight is the worst, it does start to ease after that.

Sufficient pain killers are important so that she can tolerate the exercises and weight bearing is very important as the longer she is off her feet, the more her muscles will become weak and waste away. Ice packs will ease the bruising and swelling and later on heat packs will help warm and relax the muscles. I found short bursts of walking followed by elevating my leg helped to ease the swelling.

Is there a communal room she can walk to on her Zimmer to meet up and see the other rehab patients? I used to get the nurse to carry my morning coffee over to a different patient each morning, for a natter.

Do you have any relatives or friends who have replacement surgery who can visit her?

Hi Melly
She is refusing completely to get out of bed and walk. She will not walk to the toilet ensuite, and wants nothing to do with the other people as they are 'below' her...she says. She has morphine patches for the pain, plus pain killers and sprays. She has no intention of walking as she wants us to let her be in bed. Before the fall we had massive problems actually persuading her to get out of bed. Now it is as if she has an excuse not to do it. She is refusing point blank to actually try and weight bear. Muscle wastage is nothing she worries about; it just doesn't occur to her that she needs to walk when she could be pushed.
If she doesn't get up and walk on it then the next stop is residential care!
where did she live prior to her fall and op?

Would "tough love," work? E.g. Leaving her to it and promising to resume visits once she is up and about again?

Or as BB says, maybe a reality check is needed and a visit to a council care home is or some brochures about some?


PS do you think she is nervous to walk? If the last time she got out of bed she fell? If she is nervous and tensing, she will feel more pain and walking will be more difficult.
I've had two knee replacements, following a severe RTA a few years earlier. I thought the pain would be awful like toothache, but it isn't at all. During the surgery, as Melly has already said, you are severely "manhandled" and so all the muscles and ligaments complain afterwards. The sooner you do the exercises and start moving the better, and of course there is a risk of DVT etc. if she doesn't get up and about.
Where does she live normally? With you, or in her own home?
Hi Sally
She's in hospital so let the staff deal with her. From your description of her past and present behavours they may well diagnose some kind of mental health problem in addition to the physical ones.

Try to step back while she is safe and cared for. You need the 'holiday' more than she does.

Start looking at possible options for when she is discharged, its not worth wasting your energy and stress now. I think you may need it for later ..... Sorry!

Good luck