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Carers UK Forum • Letting go
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Letting go

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2021 11:33 pm
by Susan_20121234
My elder sister has chronic kidney disease, has in the past year had two falls and two hospital admissions. She is 75 years old.

She lives alone a hundred miles away in London. She has always been fiercely independent.

Following her last hospital discharge she has twice daily caters and a lifeline wristwatch to alert help should she fall again.

She is becoming gradually more physically frail, but remains independent, but has now agreed to power of attorney for her finances as she can no longer cope with letters, bills etc.

I am so sad to see her slow decline, from someone who used to be so strong, she is accepting that nothing can be done to improve her situation, I am finding it harder than her. She sees the inevitable end as a release to her daily struggles for me it is devastating.

How can I manage this overwhelming sadness..

Sad sister

Re: Letting go

Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2021 8:13 pm
by Melly1
Hi Susan,

Others on here have experience of what you are going through and will hopefully be along with advice and support. In the meantime, you might find this information helpful https://khn.org/news/the-long-goodbye-c ... -one-dies/


Re: Letting go

Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2021 8:51 pm
by Pet66
Hi Susan
Although I lost my husband because of vascular dementia and other health issues, I can understand your sadness and watching your sister decline. Reading about ambiguous grief helped me. You can allow yourself to be sad, then think of the happy times you have had with your sister and draw on them. Look after yourself too so you can stay strong for difficult times. Celebrate what remains with your sister.

Re: Letting go

Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2021 12:33 pm
by bowlingbun
When my mum was very ill, I tried to concentrate on "making every day count". This is the motto of our hospice.
I would try to take her something every visit. She loved fresh flowers, so I would take some from her garden, until I had to sell it. She loved pretty nighties, so I would find ones I knew she would like. Scented soap, hand cream. Anything that would make her feel nice, and know she was loved, even when she was bed bound.

Re: Letting go

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2021 7:05 pm
by eastendgirl
Hi @ Susan_20121234
You might find the link below helpful as well.

https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding- ... ory-grief/