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- Member
Wed Mar 25, 2015 8:34 pm
I apologise for the length of this and if it jumps about a bit but I needed to get all the salient points down. My mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia last year and we've sort of muddled our way along until about a fortnight ago. The 'we' in this is my husband and I with some help from my middle child who has taken her to hearing aid appointments (she is profoundly deaf) and the odd drive or two as well as spending time with her when his shifts allow. My eldest son has his own young family and my daughter lives forty miles away.
The memory clinic was only involved for the initial assessment, scan and final meeting when mum refused any help as she had us! She has gradually got worse over the last year spending most of her days half sitting, half lying on the sofa, eyes closed doing nothing. She would however get her own breakfast and lunch and load and unload the dishwasher each day. Now she spends all day in bed, does nothing for herself except, thank god, going to the toilet and cleaning her teeth although I walk the four or five steps with her. She washes once a week but won't let me help so it is done more often.
One of her continual complaints for at least the last couple of years has been that she has no energy, and she mentions it every time she sees a doctor. She has had blood tests, a chest x-ray (she coughs a lot sometimes bringing all her food back) and urine tests; nothing except the original diagnosis has ever come back as anything other than fine. On the 4th March she was prescribed Fluoxetine (20mg) and she's only got up and come downstairs for dinner three times since. I've had the doctor out twice during this time the second one an out of hours doctor as I wasn't allowed to phone the surgery on the Friday but really should do it on the Saturday!
Yesterday was her return visit about the antidepressants but she couldn't face it so I changed it to another home visit but the doctor phoned instead. I told him about how she was feeling weak and frightened and about the lack of energy and increased confusion. (She tells me the same things over and over, doesn't recall what I've told her most of the time and thinks she's been on the antidepressants for a long time) His response was to arrange for a reassessment with the memory clinic and to continue with the tablets. This evening mum asked if she had been told it was vascular dementia (which she'd remembered) or if I'd decided that was what it was.
Everything she does is a major effort, even having a drink of water makes her look as if I've laced it with razor blades and she chews each mouthful over and over. It took a couple of minutes less than an hour for her to eat a slice of toast, half a two egg scramble and a yoghurt this evening.
No one has any suggestions as to the cause of her lack of energy and I have no idea what to do next. My sister arrives from Australia on Easter Sunday and the plan was that she took mum away for a fortnight to a holiday cottage she's booked. I don't see that happening and instead of having two weeks with my husband doing what we want I can see us having to stay in the cottage so it's not wasted which neither of us want to do. Something else out of our control!
I am feeling totally useless and helpless, I don't know what to do next to get her some help and a better quality of life and wonder if anyone has any suggestions. I do know however that my children are going to put me into a home if I can't look after myself, I'll not inflict this on any of them.
The memory clinic was only involved for the initial assessment, scan and final meeting when mum refused any help as she had us! She has gradually got worse over the last year spending most of her days half sitting, half lying on the sofa, eyes closed doing nothing. She would however get her own breakfast and lunch and load and unload the dishwasher each day. Now she spends all day in bed, does nothing for herself except, thank god, going to the toilet and cleaning her teeth although I walk the four or five steps with her. She washes once a week but won't let me help so it is done more often.
One of her continual complaints for at least the last couple of years has been that she has no energy, and she mentions it every time she sees a doctor. She has had blood tests, a chest x-ray (she coughs a lot sometimes bringing all her food back) and urine tests; nothing except the original diagnosis has ever come back as anything other than fine. On the 4th March she was prescribed Fluoxetine (20mg) and she's only got up and come downstairs for dinner three times since. I've had the doctor out twice during this time the second one an out of hours doctor as I wasn't allowed to phone the surgery on the Friday but really should do it on the Saturday!
Yesterday was her return visit about the antidepressants but she couldn't face it so I changed it to another home visit but the doctor phoned instead. I told him about how she was feeling weak and frightened and about the lack of energy and increased confusion. (She tells me the same things over and over, doesn't recall what I've told her most of the time and thinks she's been on the antidepressants for a long time) His response was to arrange for a reassessment with the memory clinic and to continue with the tablets. This evening mum asked if she had been told it was vascular dementia (which she'd remembered) or if I'd decided that was what it was.
Everything she does is a major effort, even having a drink of water makes her look as if I've laced it with razor blades and she chews each mouthful over and over. It took a couple of minutes less than an hour for her to eat a slice of toast, half a two egg scramble and a yoghurt this evening.
No one has any suggestions as to the cause of her lack of energy and I have no idea what to do next. My sister arrives from Australia on Easter Sunday and the plan was that she took mum away for a fortnight to a holiday cottage she's booked. I don't see that happening and instead of having two weeks with my husband doing what we want I can see us having to stay in the cottage so it's not wasted which neither of us want to do. Something else out of our control!
I am feeling totally useless and helpless, I don't know what to do next to get her some help and a better quality of life and wonder if anyone has any suggestions. I do know however that my children are going to put me into a home if I can't look after myself, I'll not inflict this on any of them.
new challenges and difficulties, hopefully it will quieten down again soon.