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Leaving a Care Home - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Leaving a Care Home

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Is there any reason why you can't supply your mum's own sheets etc, and agree to launcher them yourself, if that's doable, and makes things happier for your mum?

I think that letting her win on 'small things' may give her the sense of still being in control, but without impacting too much on you negatively.

Glad the 'holding operation' seems to be working. Keep on holding!!!!
Yes, my mum (in residential care for just over two years now - how time flies!) uses her own duvet and "luxury" pillow and I do the necessary laundering. (In fact, she uses her own bed - a extra-low level divan base purchased when the OT said she would have trouble using her existing one, with her own much-loved mattress on top).

There don't seem to be too many restrictions on what she can have in her room (obviously taking safety issues into account). However, all electrical items have to be PAT-tested by a member of staff before being used (which means that her desk fan has to be tested each year when I take it back in for summer use!).
Thank you for your replies, all.

I've had my gall bladder out now, but still get pain, which apparently happens! And my hormones are still not sorted, so I'm no further forward really. Cataract op seemed hopeful, but my peripheral vision is now all smeary, which is a blinking nuisance, ha! Not sure I'll get the other one done just yet. These sorts of things grind you down.

Mum did hang on quite well ( still in the home and weaker) but has just had a big blow which brought her unhappiness back. Her neighbour was introduced to a couple of new recruits and then came into Mum's room to say how awful they were, inferring the place was obviously going to the dogs. Prior to that she'd been more accepting, so I hope things will quieten again given time.
Problems centre around her need for extra meds on demand, urgently, but being kept waiting for them because the request is forgotten, or it's a meal time or no one is free to leave the unit and go downstairs and fetch it. They are kept on another ward.
I've said she's inconsistent about getting her own breakfast, but that's because some days she can, and some days she can't, genuinely. The staff hand over is so poor that the many agency newbies are unaware that they need to check whether she can fend for herself or not, and whether she's had a drink in the last four hours or not!
Her heart failure, I'm told, is fair reason for very sporadic appetite, so I'm buying in Fortisip to keep her going. Sometimes just the smell of food puts her off.
She does indeed have her own bedding and we do her laundry because the home can't iron a pillow case, let alone a blouse. I like the idea of a furry throw, Thank you!
We have a microwave, and fridge, and I bring her savoury tidbits to try tempt her appetite, but they tend to go off before she gets to them. It happens, I guess.
I think the most difficult aspects are:
staff failing to get her pills to her regularly and on time, and their lack of understanding of how sick she is, or handing on info of any developments.She's not a totally reliable reporter though, so I've encouraged her to note down times if she's going to complain.
Rules and endless regs and jobs worthiness is a grind, and I bet universally so.
She has now given permission to move forward with her house, but I seem to have no time to do it!
I am now going for counselling. It is no surprise to me that mum figures large in my issues, nor that I seek approval in order to feel justified. I already knew that! But feeling good about my decisions is still illuding me. Whereas guilt is not.

I do hope you are all doing well, and thank you
I found counselling really helpful. The first few weeks I just seemed to be talking to the counsellor about my situation, which seemed a complete and utter waste of time, several times I nearly didn't go. Then I realised that this "offloading" stage was important in itself, as a widow I didn't have anyone I could tell just how bad I was feeling. It was really useful having an impartial stranger looking at me and how I was feeling, when everyone else was focussing on mum and what mum needed, despite the fact that I already had a son with severe learning difficulties and a business to run.
I think you should have a quiet word with the Care Quality Commission about the meds problem being inaccessible on another ward when they should be immediately available. That should be simple for the home to sort out, maybe a small individual medicine cabinet in the nurses station?
All staff should be briefed at handover, if this isn't happening properly, CQC should know.
Dehydration is a really serious issue, how on earth can mum be left without a drink for four hours?! Do they not keep a "Fluids" chart for mum? Can mum manage to open a drink carton or a drinks bottle? At home, we have given up using large cartons of fruit juice, as we were wasting too much. Now we just buy the small cartons designed for kids lunchboxes. I always keep some in my car too. Alternatively, there are bottles of juice, my grandson likes "Fruit shoot" these can be opened and they have a built in drinking spout which can be closed to avoid spillage. Not the same as a cuppa, but better than going thirsty, and would give mum a bit more control too.