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Keep everything crossed - Page 6 - Carers UK Forum

Keep everything crossed

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
NEWS News News.
Went to visit Mum again today and hubby went to her room for a chin wag while I saw the managers. Good meeting. Reassured me that if the care worker had asked for fish, to serve Mum, in the kitchen they would have refused as her details are clearly displayed as a 'NO-NO'.
Churned over a few more things which restored my confidence a lot. Was in a 'bad place' myself yesterday.
Went up to see mum in some trepidation and someone had swapped the miserable and pathetic mother of yesterday, to a chatty and happy individual who was sipping tea and covered in cake crumbs. EH?
Anyway, would you believe it, Mum has made up her mind that she does need to be in a Care Home, that she cannot manage any more and that she is going to make the best of it and stay there. (Must have been the fact that she was wearing someone else's jumper! I changed it. It wasn't a very nice jumper. No name tag.)
I couldn't believe it. What a change. All that stress and trauma, all the tears and pacing, and mother makes up her mind just like that. Yesterday she couldn't remember her own surname. Today she was almost normal mentally. (Not quite).
So keep those fingers crossed for me just a little longer. She has a week of respite to go then her stay becomes permanent. I hope she doesn't suddenly forget what she said and go back to 'I want to go home'. I'm acting as if it's really true.
There's something different about my shoulders. Lighter.
Thank you all for coming with me on the rocky trip I've had for the last week.
Elaine, I'm so, so happy for you.

At some stage, someone will have to make the enormously difficult decision about her house. Was it rented, or her own? This may seem premature, but emptying a house takes much longer than anticipated, and of course, it is the point of "no turning back". Better for you, perhaps, worst for mum.
Elaine. Phew! Guilt monster shrinking. Red eyes fading. Marriage intact. You are sensible enough to know each visit will be different. Sometimes one to treasure, ( lots I hope) some the guilt monster will fight you and all the mixed emotions that go with this awful journey. If you are anything like me, you will be relieved to see some staff on duty, and feel tense at others. We can't like everyone, and neither can they. Sometimes you will feel your mom looks cared for and others you will feel she looks unkempt. Had brunch with my friend yesterday. Her mom was in care home for age related dementia. She went through all of the anxiety's,emotions that we are going through. We're not on our own although it feels like it at times. You've turned a corner, don't turn back now. Your husband and you deserve time for each other. Make the most of it. ((( )))xx
Marvelous, Elaine. Yes, I never knew which mum I would get each time I visited. Always had butterflies in my stomach before a visit. I felt I had to go in and act bright and breezy like a miniature Mary Poppins.

One word re clothing. What mum wears in time will bother you far more than it ever will her. My mum ended up in the wrong clothes sometimes too. As time went on, I found there were only so many battle I could fight; that was one I learned to ignore as long as it wasn't too bad.

Hope the weekend is a good one for you, Anne x
Hi Elaine- so pleased to read your last post, now you can put the guilt monster away and enjoy your visits with mum, and ease yourself into a more relaxed frame of mind for some me time :D