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Keep everything crossed - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Keep everything crossed

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I'm ahead of you girls. I have already labelled most of Mum's clothing and a lot of 'things' too. However very annoyed today because I have put my sheet of stick on labels in a safe place, where I would know where to find it, which of course is now in another galaxy or dimension and nowhere to be found!! Damnation!
E.
Oh Elaine. It will all come together. Your head is probably buzzing with it all. Try and have a good night's sleep and start afresh tomorrow. By the way, don't be too disappointed if you don't get as much housework and gardening done as you hope. I'm still struggling re those plans. You may just go so tired. If you do visit everyday it will take its toll. Try not to but I know exactly how hard it will be. It's taken me nearly 6months to take a day off a week. Still feel anxious when I don't. However it does help and is needed xx
Ooh Elaine. So sorry for typo :blush: :blush: : :blush:
In my defence predictive text was on my 'goat' list lol

A thought. If you try to oversee every detail of mums stay that will be more stressful than having her at home.
Stepping back is difficult but I think you need a proper break to recharge your batteries should she decide to come back again. How long have you been asking and waiting for this opportunity?
Fingers crossed for you, Elaine. I remember vividly the feeling when mum first went in for respite. Many tears when I left her but she and I survived. In the end mum ended up in the home where she had respite. I believe it was much easier because the home and staff were already familiar to her. Make sure glasses and hearing aids are labelled too!

Oh, and mum hated one man in the home. Every time he turned round, she would stick two fingers up. Gave her a new lease of life :D

It was certainly not plain sailing but I think I found the respite worse than mum did! Hope everything goes well
Thank you all. Had a manic day today, packing and sorting. Got a 'man with van' to take her riser/recliner chair in as she would not last two minutes in an ordinary chair. Got to take her big TV too and trolley and maybe commode as it was specially made for her little legs. It's like moving house on a slightly smaller scale.
Got to be there early tomorrow and it will be a long, long day. Perhaps I can sleep in on Saturday. If I survive I'll update on the forum tomorrow.
X
Elaine
Good Luck- try not to spend all two weeks wondering if she will stay on- just grab the time off when it is here and see what tomorrow brings.
How did today go? FINGERS CROSSED your mum is safely in the respite home. (And you have a bottle of wine opened ready to have a peaceful evening!!!!)
Hi all
Late post again and boy has it been a long, long, hard day. Started for me by 8.30. Transport arrived on time, 10.30.
Mum cried a bit on the way there and cried when we left but was very, very tired and had been brave all day. We worked hard to get her room as comfortable as possible and she's got her big recliner chair and her big TV. She was changed once when we were there and the nurse kept coming to ask more questions, so I just hope they will be able to keep her comfortable and remember the importance of water (she has to have a drink near her) and having the alarm in reach. I took the personal one from her neck. I didn't want her pressing that thinking someone would come.
I've been worrying all evening. I've promised not to go myself tomorrow but I warned them someone might come. Daughter and carers said they might pop in over the weekend.
We went in through their conservatory and sat there having a cup of tea and Mum liked the view out over the lawn to the park. It was a bit chilly though. I had difficulty getting her coat round her and the driver grabbed her wheelchair and started rushing her out before I could get her hat on so I was running after him saying 'Stop'.
Her room was nice and warm though and she had her dinner, having had to go and negotiate with the kitchen because Friday is fish day! (She's allergic).She had corned beef and veg with gravy so enjoyed that, followed by pears and cream. Tea and cake in the afternoon but goodness knows what she will have for tea. I left her cake and bananas in case she was in danger of starving.
TV is different, being free view only and different channel numbers with a different remote so she was having difficulty with that. I made up the bed as best I could and left her side table as it usually is, hoping they will remember to fill the water cups. She liked the big window and the view, which is of trees so I think she will miss spying on the neighbours. She's eacting partly as if it's forever and partly as if it's only a fortnight (which she has decided is 20 days for some reason). I don't know which either. Mainly I don't know what to do about nights if she insists on coming home. Days are fine for her but hard on me. She has been struggling at night.
I took in a few ornaments and a couple of pictures but she said she didn't want cut flowers thank you, because they die. I'll find her a plant or some new artificial flowers. So the room looked a bit more like home when we left but she thought it was a bit small. We had to chuck out the big easy chair to make room for her big recliner chair. There is one dining type chair in the corner and a folding chair in another. I told her to take morning visitors to the conservatory. Had a brief hello with a lady who said she was next door to Mum and then an encounter with a male dementia patient in the corridor, who was lost and couldn't find his room. I called to the nurse but she said 'just leave him', which I felt a bit harsh. I hope there are people there she can talk to. A number were asleep in their chairs as we passed through.
No phone so I can't make my evening call, which I have done for 40 odd years. If she stays she can have one but right now, only a mobile and she can't manage a mobile.
Altogether a hectic, hard and emotional day, even though on the surface it's only respite. I'm in a panic thinking they won't know what she needs, that she'll be all alone and deserted. I think a few of you recognise those monsters.
So Jenny, I'm on my sixth rum and coke and don't intend to get up in the morning at all. Home has 'ordered me to stay away'.
Knowing my luck I'll have a call in the morning because she's caught a chill on the trip over to the Home. I'll have to take a taxi!!!!
In the meantime I will put the red eyed dragon I see in the mirror to bed and turn the alarm off.
X
Elaine
Well done, you made it, at last. Over the next few days I'm sure mum will be monitored carefully. Remember, at the end of the day, a nursing home is a business, and they are constantly on the look out for new residents, for obvious reasons, and they will know how set in their ways everyone will be. If they have a waiting list of three or four, that guarantees them a steady income without gaps - especially as each gap will represent £700-£1,000 a week! Not only do they have to please mum, and her daughter, but also CQC.
Well done Elaine. Have been worrying about you all day
I suddenly remembered how much better my mum felt once she had her own phone installed. It made such a difference as it meant she could be in control of something and could call anyone ( but she's not dementia).
Your Mum definitely won't be deserted. If anything it's the amount of people around that takes some getting used to, especially if there's only been 2 or 3 of you at home. What with residents and a wide variety of staff you may find she seems more confused than usual but it's only because it's different - it's not bad just different.
Now for you, be ever so kind and gentle with yourself the next few days. You may feel weepy tired and emotional, unable to settle to anything BUT it does pass and as you become more rested you will start to enjoy some time to yourself and the guilt monster will retreat a little.
Try not to expect too much of mum, or yourself. Two weeks is no time at all . If it becomes permanent it may take a few months for you both to fully adjust and get the best from the situation.
One day at a time.
What nice treats have you got planned for yourself? (Once you are over the hangover!)
Xxx
MrsA