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just need to talk.... - Carers UK Forum

just need to talk....

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I care for my 93 year old Dad. He's been amazing since my Mum passed away 7 years ago, fearfully independent, never complains. He had stoma surgery almost 60 years ago and deals with it all by himself, he also has glaucoma and has lost the sight in one eye. Last August he had a urine infection and as a result, lost nearly of all his mobility, he now struggles and it seems so cruel. He's fallen a few times since then and is now getting over a fall which left him with a really painful back and a bruise the size of Africa. I'm physically and mentally exhausted after doing battle with GP's over the last two weeks and trying to find out what he's done to his back. I don't live with him, but I'm close - I live in a second floor flat with no lift and he lives in a first floor flat with no lift. Last week over the course of 2 days I went up & down from me to him 9 times, I have spinal stenosis and those bl**dy stairs are killing me! I noticed yesterday while sitting with him how much weight he has lost, and just now he tells me he's been asleep all the morning. I love my Dad to pieces, I don't have any brothers or sisters and I'm divorced so I have no partner. It's just hit me that he's probably slowly fading, and the thought of it is breaking me up. I know it's the natural order of things, but I'm finding it very difficult to cope at the thought of not having him. What will I do? That's it really, I just needed to get it out, I can't stop crying and I don't have anyone to open up to - my 2 kids are devoted to him and I can't make them unhappy and miserable too. If anyone is reading this - thanks.
Here's a (((((BIG HUG))))))) from me too!!
We have lost three parents in the last few years, and the last one is, like yours, fading fast. However painful it seems, it's important that you prepare your children for the loss of their grandad, by saying, almost in passing, that he "seems to be feeling his years more". Or "the doctors are doing their best for grandad but they can't work miracles". I'm sure they will have realised this already, you might be surprised by their responses. They might resent you going there a lot, but you can say "I'm sorry but he needs a bit more help now he's poorly", can you give me a hand cooking tea, doing your washing etc. Perhaps most difficult for you is that the time has come when, despite your best efforts, dad needs more help than you alone can provide. Time for an updated needs assessment, carers assessment, and a chat with dad about how he sees his current situation. Perhaps he's forgotten that you are no longer fit and in your twenties? Mum yesterday described me as a "young mum" but I was 60 this year!!!
Oh ladybird,
Its hard isnt it?
ah, thanks. It was so lovely to come back on here and see your replies. I just feel very isolated at the moment - a bad day and it was good to have somewhere to let it all out. It makes so much difference to know that there's people out there who understand. Thank you so much.
Ladybird, you are always welcome here. Post whenever you like. If you are feeling isolated you might like to pop in and have a look at Roll Call in the members corner and join in with our chat. Image
heartbreaking Ladybird, thoughts and prayers to you , i remember those feelings well, i just wanted the time clock to stop and hold back... Image x
You should try thinking about the good times and don't dwell on what may come in the future too much.