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Just a wife. - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Just a wife.

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I suspect you are unfairly suffering from sexism whereas occassionally people like my self (MEN) benefit from the belief that we can not possibly be expected to care for our wives due to genetics. Of course does not mean that we get any more help but we possibly have a head start
I get the feeling reading your lovely replies that you all know exactly how being 'just a wife' feels Image

I've been told that there is an eight week waiting list for a carers assessment so I will just have to carry on coping on my own. A physio came to do an assessment of my husbands needs earlier in the week. He needs two stair rails (two staircases of 7 steps each) and a grab handle over the bath. They have no money to spend until April so we will be at the bottom of a long waiting list for those as well.

I guess I'm in the opposite boat, my better half always tells me she appreciates what I do for her, though times do get rough and we have our arguments.

I do however sometimes feel like a third wheel when it comes to doctors, they sometimes barely listen to me when it comes to her health, specially now she's having hearing problems. But on the other hand when it comes to the district nursing team we have nothing but high praise

Call the SS as often as possible and you might want to call your local CAB team they was a godsend when I first started being a carer.
Simon, hang on in there and don't be afraid to remind them sweetly that you provide your wife's care and as such you are the only one besides her that knows what her needs and problems are.

Another thing that might help is to ask her to tell them that they are to listen to you as well... that worked for me and my main caree
I am very lucky that my husband does try to make sure that I get a break and do get some 'me' time , Its hard because as a extended family we look after 4 people with different needs inc my husband . I also work as a PA via direct payments . I just wanted to share my little annecdote

in the early days of moving to Bolton my husband was assessed and offered 14 hours each week which helped to cover most of what he wanted , we were married 5 months later , on his yearly review the social worker came and this time said " well you wont need so many hours now that your married" My husband asked for the comment in writing , funnily enough his wish wasnt granted , but he did keep his hours , I also demanded that they add 2 weekend 'respite' breaks in so that i could spend time with each of my teenge sons , this I got and still have today. So far I havent managed to get them to pay for a carer to come with US on holiday allowing US to enjoy a holiday together with someone to help with pushing/care . The powers that be seem to not get the idea that 'respite' doesnt have to mean seperation.
Too right they don't Image Image Image
I also must say i am another lucky one whose husband would give anything to be able to not have to rely on me.......he has (COPD) and has now been told he has a tumor on his larynx so we are having a stessful time having to go back and forth to hospital for tests .... but having said that he does get a bit snappy with me but will apologise because he says he does not mean to as he gets frustrated as he wants to do things but can't!!!!!!! We as carers do put up with a lot ....if you think about it we spend our lives careing bringing up a family so we deserve a bit of me time from time to time just to recharge our batteries!!!!!

Why does it seem that whenever hubby and I go out on our own, people assume that I'M taking hubby out for HIS enjoyment? They don't think that WE are going out for the enjoyment of both of us.
Eg. Friday night, Motorcycle Road Racing Legends Charity Evening (an audience with ...... several famous racers/ex-racers, auction, merchandise/autographs etc etc), we both went cos, yeah hubby's a motorcycle fan (well, he came off one himself, which started his spinal injury) and so am I (my dad used to race in the sidecar races at TT, Donington, Mallory Park etc). BUT it was taken that the evening was for hubby's benefit ie. I was just the chaffeuse. "Are you having a good evening, Mark?" and "Have you enjoyed yourself, Mark?"

Makes me sad and cross at the same time, that my enjoyment of a good evening out, isn't counted or even thought about.

Same with holidays, it seems that I am taking hubby for a holiday for his sake. NO >>>>>> WE ARE BOTH GOING ON HOLIDAY FOR US, not just for him. I want to scream, "it's not hubby's night out, it's not hubby's holiday ....... it's OURS'".
I dont really care much about what other people might or might not think. You see, being a mere bloke, I do not have X-Ray vision into other people's minds, which is a distinct genetic advantage as I therefore don't actually concern myself with what I imagine other people think: because I just go and have a good time regardless and ignore all the mayhem going on. If they make a fool of themselves socially, I just say: "Oh they are women, and therefore they make a fool of themselves socially".
But if they are blokes, I just say: "What a moron!"
Simple, eh?
Well, it works for me.
Women ......... they make everything so complicated.....
When your other half can't physically do a single thing (as has been talked about before on this site), it's hard for people to see you as a 'couple' or even a 'married couple'. All they see is hubby and I'm just another person helping him enjoy life. More another assistant than a wife, a totally detached person.