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Just a wife. - Carers UK Forum

Just a wife.

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
My husband had someone round to assess his needs today. He told her that apart from a lady coming in the mornings to wash him no one else did anything. Hello, I do all the washing, cleaning, cooking, shopping, taxiing etc etc, in fact my life just revolves around him and his needs Image his reply, I meant people who work, you are my just a wife, it's your job to look after me 24/7. So workers have rights, I don't, he's hijacked my life Image I asked for a carers assessment last week. I got a reply this morning telling me there was a waiting list, but they would let me know as soon as they could to arrange a visit. Meanwhile, please do not hesitate to contact me. Hey lady I couldn't cope with him last week, I am even less able to cope with him this week, but as I'm his wife I will have to just get on with it! Carees can be rude, abusive, demanding, a wife it seems get no help or support, I'm told you married him its your job, get on with it.
I read your post and laughed because my husband is exactly like yours in terms of his attitude. I remember going to an appointment with his consultant. The consultant asked if he had any problems eating. My husband, of course, said "no". I was astounded and added, "I cut up all your food!"

My husband seems to think nothing of me running around all day for him. Not too long ago he said, "it's just being a wife." Uhhh, nooooo.... It's more like taking care of a three year old in terms of basic care, IMO.

In any case, you are not alone. WE know how much you do that is above and beyond, "just a wife (or husband, or partner, or son, or daughter, or ...)."
In any case, you are not alone. WE know how much you do that is above and beyond, "just a wife (or husband, or partner, or son, or daughter, or ...)."
Well said, we are all people in our own rights and despite popular opinion(ie gp's, SS and those who do assessments) we do have needs.

Karen x x
We're lucky to have personal assistants for hubby, living here. BUT, if I'm around or nearby, doesn't matter what I'm doing, I still get called on to 'do something' or 'fetch something' or 'phone somebody' or 'press a key on the computer' or etc etc etc.
When I say, 'can't the PA do that?' - he gets all in a huff and says that 'while I'm (you're) here, you may as well do it, it'll only take a minute'.

Hmm - then when I do loads of things by myself, he tells me off again, for not asking for help from the PA.

I'm stuck in the middle and can't do right for doing wrong. Seems sometimes the PAs can't be 'disturbed', but if I'm doing something, then it doesn't matter if I'm disturbed. Doesn't seem fair.

We're supposed to be wives, all of us, not general dogsbodies or labourers.
I am horrified by the thought that I might depend on my wife for total care at some point in the future, would any of you nice ladies here like to do a swap? Image
Meanwhile, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Take her up on what she said. Phone each week if you have to but do not let them put you off. I spoke to a lady today and it took her family over 4 months to get a reassessment.

Ask soc worker for their out of hours number too in case of emergency, say you will use it as you are struggling to cope.
There should be no need for the above if the system was working but its not and as cuts start to bite more, it will get worse.
Meanwhile, please do not hesitate to contact me.
As my Gran would say '' Kind words butter no parsnips''

Rosemary's right Image Get the social workers telephone number and then ring her every time you're having problems or don't feel well enough to cope......... and remind her that she did tell you to get in touch whenever you needed help...... Image
You should have been offered a carers assessment when your husband was assessed, you should not have to request one. The care manager should also be looking at your husband's needs in the context of the care which you can or cannot, are willing to or are unwilling to provide, the people we care for do not exist in isolation and a good care manager will be trying to help you as well as your husband in order to sustain the caring situation.
Don't just phone every week phone every day. I had this with my sister and my mother. My sister took my mother in and cared for her. She found it very difficult to cope and ended up literally going to the offices and standing there until somebody saw her(that was quite drastic) but you have to keep on atthese people to get e result Take Care Alison Image
I am horrified by the thought that I might depend on my wife for total care at some point in the future, would any of you nice ladies here like to do a swap? Image
Yes, me, me, please Image
Seriously though it is definitely the case that related carers are expected to do so much and we do, but it would be nice to be treated as a person in our own right.
If it makes you feel any better though birdymum some of us have husbands with no disability who expect to be run after hand and foot because we married them and that's our job, is it not? Image
Vicky