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Caree upset - me too - Carers UK Forum

Caree upset - me too

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A neighbour called round this evening in my absence and spoke to my caree. I had gone to water the plants on my dad's grave and in the twenty minutes I was away, she called. She apparently has an issue with a trellis I put up months ago which she believes is on her land. My caree was left confused and worried, not really sure what it was about. She should have gone away and come back when I was in, and not spoken about it to my caree - my caree is obviously unwell.

The willow trellis is millimetres thick so I cannot see how she can define a bondary down to millimetres.

I put up the trellis to hide the dilapidated fence that separates her garden from ours. It is several centimetres away from her fence. Her fence is a real eyesore and it was my caree's view from the window. To give my caree a more pleasant view and hide said ugly fence, I put up the trellis and grew pretty small-leafed, variegated leaf ivies which have grown up the trellis over the past two years. It looks so nice. I have worked hard to make the garden pretty and flower-filled for her for when she is too ill to go out but can see it through the window.

Neighbour cannot see the trellis unless she cranes her head around her own fence at the end of it. It is not visible from her garden because her fence hides it. She said the ivy might damage her fence. I have written to her this evening (after trying to reason with her in person) to say that if the ivy comes onto her land, she should cut it back where it encroaches on her land (as I do when her plants grow into our garden).

When I spoke to her in person, she said if I don't remove it sher will take down her own fence and then forcibly remove the trellis. To what end? What is the point? It's petty and a drama out of nothing, but I think she is a lonely woman who has nothing better to occupy herself with. The older people arounbd here are generally very pleasant to us as they see me with my caree out together and perhaps having seen more of life, identify with our situation better than younger people around here. This older woman is the exception.

If she forcibly removes the trellis and inevitably damages the plant, surely that is criminal damage.

She made unpleasant remarks about me, my caree and my late father when I went round. They are rubbish and untrue remarks but I am very upset. My dad was well-respected in the community and he is not here to defend himself. My caree is obviously frail.

It helps to write it down. I loved the thread about carers ding courses. I would like to study law and then I could protect me and my caree from this kind of situation.
From what you've told us it seems pretty clear-cut, but best to get some legal advice on this to be sure.
Make sure that you take some photographs now of the position of your neighbour's fence in relation to the trellis and of the trellis and plants so that you have evidence of what it is like before she carries out her threat, if she carries out her threat. If you do experience any damage to your property take photographs of the damage and also report it to the police, they may not investigate it but it helps to have incident numbers which can be linked a record of your complaint to show that you have tried to do something and for insurance purposes should you need to make a claim. And I too would advise you to get legal advice.

Having a neighbour like this can make your life a living hell, they have nothing better to do than try and make your life as difficult as they can and it is best to stop them if possible as soon as they start to make your life unpleasant so that they get the clear message that you will not tolerate being treated like this. And remember, when your neighbour makes nasty remarks about you and your family it is your neighbour who has a problem, not you and your family.

I can relate to this when we lived in a semi detached house a few years ago our neighbour had a conservatory built on the back of there house we had no objection at the time although it blocked out some of the light.

Our neighbour died and the daughter and son in law took over the house I put up some trellis and a clematis first of all my new neighbour said it was to close to his conservatory wall so i move it back about 6 inches then he said that the land i had put the trellis and the clematis on was his land that the builders had left a 9 inch strip on my side and he wanted me to move it back future.

Well at that point i said looking at the roof where there was a dividing seam it looked to me as if this land on my side was all mine he still kept demanding i move my trellis back another 3 inches at this point i got my ladders out put them up against my house got a plumb line fixed it to the middle of the seam that divided our house and guess what the plumb line weight landed 3 inches from the edge of his conservatory roof inwards so 3inches of his conservatory was on my land.

I then said to him when are you thinking of have this part of your wall removed.

I didnt make an issue of it but never ever had anymore complaints from him.

So check it out there fence could be on your land you never know.

Hi Annie, Charles and John. Thank you for your helpful messages. I went down to town on my bike first thing this morning and bought two disposal cameras - one to take photos of the fence and trellis now, and one to keep at hand to take photos if she carries out her threat.

I will take your advice, Charles, and get legal advice too.

Very interesting, John. Great result for you ! Here's hoping.....

Thank you,. all of you Cherish xxx
We are currently having this problem as well,, we have a council house and our fence was an eyesore, the councuil wouldnt do it and nore would the housing assisation that own the house next door , so me, matt and our neighbour tore downt he fence and in a week we re-build the fence, and according to the council plans we put the fence where it should be....

well our car broke taking the rubbish to the dump, our neighbour wanted us to take his garden rubbish (his not ours!) as wella nd we couldnt so i paid for a garden bin from the council.. to clear our rubbish, its up tot hem wot they dow ith theirs..

we came home from a day out ont he bus to find their rubbish in our garden so i oput it int he bin and thought no more of it.. we then had a fella from the hosing assositation telling ME not matt to get the fence sorted as its
1. 2 high
2 over the boundry they have (its different than the councils!)
3. is an eyesaw

a brand spanking new fence, whihc cost US £300 and a lot of time, to stop our neighbour complaining that matt hadnt done it in the first place.

NOW he keeps chopping myhedges down, ive told him several times i want the hedge to grow up a bit more, but her wont listen,, he said he will pull the fence down when we r not here,, i said go on then , but u will find u cant do it on your own, and while u r at it would u mind using my strimmer to do my borders.

It has got quite heated arguments and he threatened to hit me, i said come on then , hit me, give it yer best shot but please dont expect to be standing after it. (wont hit some one unless needed but after how much effort we put in id happily floor him) I got the -- u dont know who i am round here blah blah blah,, i said i do, a has beenw ith nothing better to do than threaten me, go for it, just keep on going i can take it,, some how has been, dont thinku can.
He told matt and amtts replie was-- jesus dont get ont he wrong side of a chatham bird, she can really hit hard!

I explained that the problem is betweent he housing assosiation and the council and if it IS in the wrong place then THEY need to sort it as we r with in our rights to refuse and come in my garden gain i will scream and holler and get HIM in to trouble for trespassimg.

He used to talk to amy alot and she heard him say he would hit me,, when he tried to tlak to her in the garden she said, please dont talk to me, u where nasty to my mummy
Our previous neighbour used to put her (leaking) rubbish bags on our front garden edge. Sometimes on flowers and shrubs and used to park her NEW car behind ours (blocking the way for ramps and wheelchair access, letting us know she had a NEW car. Until she had her driveway pavioured, she was quite happy to put her bags 2-3 each week, at the end of her driveway like everyone else in the road. Then all of a sudden, after her driveway was done, she stopped doing it and put them on our garden. So did the old lady who looks after her mentally handicapped daughter. On asking her to stop putting her leaking bags on our garden please, she ranted and raved at me and her daughter punched me in the head, pointed and made verbal threats to kill me. I tried to move the bags to the kerbside, but she kept picking them up and putting them back onto our garden. ON RECYCLING DAYS, she was quite happy to have the green bin and the paper recycling tubs at the kerbside, actually ON her new driveway (to let everyone know how good she was at recycling!!!!!). And the old lady used to stand and stare at hubby, literally, she'd be out walking the yappy dog and she'd come to a stop outside our house and stare in the windows or at hubby if we were outside. She lives in another town some miles away, but only comes over when the neighbour is at work to look after the daughter, but it was as if she owned the street. The old woman shouted at me that I had no friends and that I came from the gutter. All because I was the only street resident to challenge the pair of them.
THANK GOODNESS WE MOVED. Anyway, the very week after she paraded her new car, mine was delivered, so that put her nose well and truly out of joint. But the stress and tears they all caused us both was phenomenal. FOR WHAT? IMAGE, IMAGE, IMAGE - unfortunately we were the only neighbours who saw through her and we paid the price.
These are some scary neighbours......Horrible and stressful, but I did love Rin asking her neighbour of he would do her borders with the strimmer while he was at it.

Can completely undertstand why you moved, Frandrake. Wish we could but it would be too stressful for my caree - all change is really stressful for her and she starts shaking. Cherish xx
Some people just don't realise what life is all about. I mean........a bloody fence! (excuse the language)....people like that need to get a life! Image
Oh, by the way, I know what they're like - I lived next to one who 'knew his rights' - grrrrrrrr - I got away from him when I left my hubby - yea, two for one! Image
tehehehehehehe 2 for 1 lol

its my strimmer anyway- he just wont give it back

why is the world full of discuting people liek this? and why r they so bored with their own lives?