[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
"In her best interest" -Carers UK Forum

"In her best interest"

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I really need some advice and dont know where to go,

August 2005 my Mother-in-law (mil) drew up an enduring power of attorney, making both sons joint attornies. It has now become necessary to register this as she is becoming very confussed and no longer manages her affairs, all her bills have been set up as standing orders and my husband has a card allowing him to draw out money on her behalf from the bank, this is usually about £200 per month which she uses to pay for her shopping (which I do) the hairdresses, cleaner and occassional gardner.

She lives in a four bedbroomed chalet bungalow on her own and has always made it known she never wants to leave. After her husbnd died a number of years ago she moved downstairs to avoid having to use the sairs as her bathroom is also downstairs.

She is a very private person, has no friends or relatives other than my husband and I and 3 sons and his brother wife and 3 sons. The grandchildren are aged 10 - 24 with my three sons 18 20 and 24. She does not read watch telly or listen to a radio, her only activity is to sit in a chair and do 'wordsearches' she has not left the house in over 2 years other than the occassional trip to the doctors, this is her own choice and we often ask if she would like to go out but she gets very upset at the thought.

Early this year when things had go really bad (she was depressed) our doctor referred her for assessment (she has no memory at all short term and long term is not much better) she had one assessment but I could not get her to go back.
The doctor says there is not a lot he can do as she is not physically unwell its just confussion and forgetfullness.

A couple of weeks ago I employed a carer to go in for 1/2 hr a day to check she was eating her dinner and taking her tablets and just to keep her company. This has not had the desired effect as she is still very misrable. I go in every day after work to check on her and we have a cup of tea together, I know she enjoys this and gets very upset if for any reason I am unable to go. My sister in law also goes in fairly regularly but she does not have any sort of relationship with my MIL. (I have known her for 35 years and regard her as my 2nd mum whereas my sister in law is ten years yonger than me and seems my MIL as more of agrandmother than mother and treats her as such)

This is where it gets difficult:
My husband decided it was time to register the EPA and presented the forms for his brother to sign. We were then informed that my brother would like to move in with my MIL taking his wife and three children 10 13 & 15 with him. He cannot afford to buy her house so he has suggested that MIL gives him the house he then gives my husband 50%. (from the sale of his existing home) My brother in law will then use some of MIL capital to make the house large enough for all six of them. He then intends to charge MIL rent.

His plan is to give her a bedroom and small sitting room and bathroom downstairs, will occssional use of 'their' lounge, this will involve dispossing of most of MIL furniture and 'things' which will break her heart.

He is refusing to sign the EPA and we cannot register it without this. I think his intention is to 'sell' his idea to MIL on Saturday as once registerred he will not be allowed to buy the house himself.

He has made it clear he thinks this is in MIL best interest as he and his family will be there to look after her and give her company.

Your thoughts will be gratefully appreciated, my husband and I accept she cannot continue as she is but really feel she will not benefit from this move at all. How can we find out what the options arre for her?
Hi There

Other carers on here may have something to add, but it sounds to me like you need to speak to someone urgently to get a proper legal perspective on this.

Carers UK's CarersLine is on 0808 808 7777 from 10-12 and 2-4 weds and thurs. They can advise you on legal rights and may be able to find a legal expert in your area who specialises in this sort of law.

You could also try this website to find a law centre

If you can't get through to CarersLine, you could try one of the older people charities
Age Concern Information Line open 7 days a week from 8am - 7pm. 0800 00 99 66
Help the aged SeniorLine 0808 800 6565. Lines are open Monday to Friday 9am-4pm.

Matt Hill
Carers UK
Hi Huntsu1,

I would agree with Matt here, in that you need legal advice quick.Too often we see this in families when a loved one has died but to be honest, you just have to read different forums to realise that its happening more and more whilst the disabled/elderly person is still here.
The vulnerable have to be protected and as much as your MIL needs help, she also still has rights regarding her property.

Please consider phoning one of the helplines Matt gave you.

Keep us posted.
Thank you both - will speak to my husband and make the call.