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Issues with Sarah's care assistant - Carers UK Forum

Issues with Sarah's care assistant

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Sarah has employed a care assistant since March, obviously helping Sarah and thus enabling more time to study and do other things

The care assistant chatted to me today about how they are feeling that mine and their relationship has fractured recently. It came as quite a shock to me to be honest, I feel it is something to do with both of us having different ideas of working relationships and this is something I'd like to ask your opinion because due to the type of work I have done in the past and the type of work I'm training for I may not be able to look at this situation objectively.

Obviously caring for Sarah is a very hands on job and requires emotional involvement, yet I'm inclined to think that if you are doing it as formal paid employment like in the context they are doing, then they need to have some kind of professional detachment from preventing them becomming too emotionally involved.

She cited that I would normally come down from my office, have a cup of tea and a chat with them when they were with Sarah. They told me that this not happened recently, addmittedly that is true but that is simply down to uni work becomming more intense.

I'm concerned that she's come too emotionally involved with Sarah which is hindering her professional duties.

Am I being unreasonable?
Do you think I should be more sociable with this person?
I will say the usual pleasantries if I am there when she arrives but I find becomming more closer with this person

Above everything else in the matter is that this person has no obligations to help me directly, Sarah gets the direct payments, Sarah employs her, Sarah tells her what to do. I have nothing to do with what they do, it's not my business hence why I am quite detached from it.
As I see it they are employed by Sarah so don't neccesarily need to have a relationship with you at all any more than the usual pleasantaries. After all if Sarah ran a shop and you went in you wouldn't expect to sit down with her assistant and have a cuppa! Of course it is best to be friendly with the people who work in your home but unless they wish to raise concerns about Sarah then I don't think you should feel obligated to sit and chat when you are busy.
What does Sarah say?
It can be very difficult to maintain employer/employee boundaries when someone works in your home but at the end of the day this person is Sarah's employee and not a personal friend of either you or Sarah and her dealings with you should remain professional at all times, if Sarah is happy with a relationship which borders on friendship that is her perogative but you should not be expected to follow suit.
Thank you Jean and Annie.

I agree with you both about what you are saying, I think Sarah prefers a friendly relationship with this person, that's fine, as Annie says it is her prerogative but the careworker has no duty to me and equally I have no duty to her. Of course I'll say hello but it just makes me feel uneasy that our relationship should be anymore than that. I wouldn't expect it to be like with the nurses and doctors at the hospital hence I don't see why this should be any different.

I think this conflict has arisen because the careworker is far too emotionally detached to Sarah and the surroundings. I appreciate her efforts but she's employed to help Sarah and that is all she should be doing. She needn't concern herself with me.
Sarah has employed a care assistant since March, obviously helping Sarah and thus enabling more time to study and do other things

The care assistant chatted to me today about how they are feeling that mine and their relationship has fractured recently. It came as quite a shock to me to be honest, I feel it is something to do with both of us having different ideas of working relationships and this is something I'd like to ask your opinion because due to the type of work I have done in the past and the type of work I'm training for I may not be able to look at this situation objectively.

Obviously caring for Sarah is a very hands on job and requires emotional involvement, yet I'm inclined to think that if you are doing it as formal paid employment like in the context they are doing, then they need to have some kind of professional detachment from preventing them becomming too emotionally involved.

She cited that I would normally come down from my office, have a cup of tea and a chat with them when they were with Sarah. They told me that this not happened recently, addmittedly that is true but that is simply down to uni work becomming more intense.

I'm concerned that she's come too emotionally involved with Sarah which is hindering her professional duties.

Am I being unreasonable?
Do you think I should be more sociable with this person?
I will say the usual pleasantries if I am there when she arrives but I find becomming more closer with this person

Above everything else in the matter is that this person has no obligations to help me directly, Sarah gets the direct payments, Sarah employs her, Sarah tells her what to do. I have nothing to do with what they do, it's not my business hence why I am quite detached from it.
It's not her buisness what you do or do not do with your time (in reference to the cup of tea bit). I think your professional judegment is sound. I don't think she is becoming too emotionally involved but I do think she is trying to control, it is not her place to.
The homecarer is being paid to do a professional job... not paid to drink tea with you!

It is very difficult to get the balance right, we used to have a homecarer for mum who wouldn`t stay to help her get washed and dressed if I was there as it should be my job... One time mum was left without homecarer for three days as she had seen my car parked at the house and she didn`t go in, just drove past and told the office I was there! I was miles away in someone elses car and just happened to meet one of the homecare managers in M&S....her face was a picture when she realised things are not always what they seem.

Your relationship with Sarah is personal, her care assistant should be professional.

Take care
Meg
Alex, i do not disagree with the responses you have had.

Yet .....i am still thinking about it. Sorry, but it seems unusual of you to be asking advice on this sort of thing and i am wondering why it is worrying you quite so much. Believe me, i am not criticising you at all - i am just, well, concerned about you Image
I'm just wanting second opinions to be honest.
The carer is employed to care.
You are working on your university work.
You are are not running a Social Club!
Think you have the balance just right, friendly up to a point, and shes slightly overstepping the mark as she expects her friendship with Sarah, which must get quite intense due to caring role, to be equal to her friendship with you.
Hope that makes sense!
Alex wrote
The care assistant chatted to me today about how they are feeling that mine and their relationship has fractured recently.
I'm not sure who the "they" refers to? is here more than one care assistant or does it mean the care assistant and Sarah?
The use of the term "fractured" comes across as bit over dramatic.
But it also suggests to me that the CA maybe feeling a bit threatened/un-nerved /worried and has made an attempt to clear the air and get any grievences that you may have out in the open?
Alex wrote
She cited that I would normally come down from my office, have a cup of tea and a chat with them when they were with Sarah. They told me that this not happened recently, admittedly that is true but that is simply down to uni work becoming more intense.
Looking at it from the CA's point of view maybe she (they ) have interpreted the change of behaviour as maybe you are not as happy with the job they are doing? or that they have offended you in some way?
They probably haven't understood about the extra Uni work and how much intense concentration that needs, so rather than see you as being busy and distracted, they may feel that you've changed from being fairly friendly to being off hand with them?
It won't be lost on any CA that although they are principally employed to look after someone to some extent they have to get along reasonably well with other members of the family and partner to ensure continued employment because there is no doubt about it.....that if a member of the family or partner take against them for any reason it could affect whether or not they keep their job.
Hi Alex

I think that the carer just thinks that she has upset you in someway because you stopped having a cup of tea with her and Sarah. She may just be an insecure person who thinks that you don't like her. I wouldn't worry about it, you have enough on your plate without this, just explain that you have more work to do lately and that is the only reason that you seem more detached from her.
Basically, I am agreeing with Cheryl.

Hope you are both well,

Blue xx