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Is this the end? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Is this the end?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Sounds absolutely heartless, that's no time to grieve at all. If there is anything you don't need to keep, put it on freecycle, and it will be collected. Saleable items on Gumtree. Some areas have recycling schemes run by their hospice. It took me a year to empty my hoarder mum's house, with help! In such a short time, maybe getting rid of the largest items first? Even skips are expensive. Perhaps the local Scouts could help as part of a community service project? Just take out every single drawer, remove any lining paper and turn the drawe upside down. People with dementia hide money all over the place! I knew someone who found out, too late, that his mum hid money inside her underwear in her undies drawer. Hundreds, at least.
so sorry for your loss David, but a peaceful way for your dad.
I am shocked you have such little time to get his belongings out from his home Good advice from everyone but start with removing all items that might have sentimental or monetary value and take them home to think about later.
Age UK charity shops like good quality clothes as do some of the charities that work with the homeless. We sent a lot of my dad's clothes to them when he died 4 years ago and it helped mum to think he was helping someone less fortunate.
Sending you a big hug x
Apparently I can have 28 days but I have to pay the rent out of my own pocket, which given that I'm on Carers Allowance and that the funeral is going to cost nigh on £2000, I simply can't afford. Hek the counter started the day after he died. Also given that they insist on changing keys on a Sunday there is a possibility that I'll run into a second week regardless.

Part of the problem is that I'm not just clearing the house of his belongings, the very nature of looking after someone that needs 24 hour care means that by necessity you move a lot of your own belongings in there as well.

ATM the current plan is to box everything up unsorted and ship it all out on Saturday, I can then sort it out later while I mourn.

I've always said that carers are seen as the lowest of the low in society, this just confirms that belief!

David.
Write to the company's chief executive with what's happened, and say how disgraceful their attitude is - copy to the letter to your local newspaper editor, plus the Daily Mail (you know how they like to run 'outrage' stories, and sometimes it's really, really useful that they do!), and also cc it to your MP and your local councillors.

Presumably they treat everyone in this fashion, and it is unacceptable.

In respect of mourning your father, please don't be too upset that you have had this flat-clearance thrown at your head, as when someone dies we enter this weird space where all sorts of things have to be done, just when we are prostrate with grief. I can only too vividly remember how after my husband died I had to go into all the organisation of his funeral, and then get to the registry office to register his death, get lots of death certificates, send them off to banks and building societies and pension companies, organise this, organise that, loads of people arrived to give their condoloences, I had to take equipment back to the hospitals that had loaned them, I had to sort through condolences cards that arrived, write to people who had not known he'd died, sort out my brother in law arriving from the USA for the funeral.....it just went on and on and on....and all the time my heart was broken.....

So, even without the ridiculous and horrible demand you clear your dad's place, you still have all this 'stuff' landing on you when someone dies - it's partly absurd, partly horrible, and totally 'unreal'......

BUT, at some point, all this 'stuff' will be over, and then, in peace and quiet, you can sit back and remember all the good, good things about your father, remember all the times you had, and you will find you 'get him back' in your head.......and in your heart.

With kind wishes at a time of great grief for you, Jenny
That's very good advice from Jenny. When my Mum passed away there was all the usual admin associated with someone's death, plus Dad's care having to be taken over. Somehow I did it all on autopilot and in a weird way it helped to be busy & focused on tasks. However, I didn't have a house to clear and I can understand how daunting & tiring that must be.

I don't know where in the country you are but locally to me St Francis Hospice offer a house clearing service. I don't know if it's free but maybe that's an avenue you can explore in your area?

Unlike the heartless New Charter, I believe that you have a 30 day grace for letting financial/legal etc organisations know about a death. The registrar at the place where we registered Mum's death was very helpful & knowledgable about it all. I think it's worth paying the little extra for certified copies of the death certificate as it makes it much easier when writing to organisations, rather than only having 1 & having to wait until it's returned before sending it out again. There's something called Tell Us Once which is a government run scheme that lets you fill out one form (or do it over the phone) & they deal with telling all other Government run departments e.g.: passport, council tax, electoral roll.

As others have said, please try to be kind to yourself - there's only so much you can do in one day and especially at times of grief. You'll be stopped in your tracks by tears I'm sure, but let them come & wait until they pass.
Some good news, New Charter have relented and told my sister that they are giving us 28 days even if the Housing Benefit stops. If any rent bills appear then I should return them unpaid.

I still have to clear the place down to the last piece of underlay and curtain rail but non the less this makes things considerably easier.

David
Good, I'm glad you have a sister to help.