Is it bad I feed my mom whatever she wants?

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Hello. I am carer for my mom. She is a 38 year old, immobile/bed bound women. She is immobile because of her vast size. She's currently around 700lbs. The doctors and specialists say she's got no reason why shes so big other than that she's greedy. I am guilty for feeding her whatever she requests or requires. Is this bad?
Have they the medical people or social workers ever advised you
What her diet should have been?

I am guessing that they never gave you any training on how to properly care for your mum
Colin_1705 wrote:Have they the medical people or social workers ever advised you
What her diet should have been?

I am guessing that they never gave you any training on how to properly care for your mum
Yeah I've been advised Ive had social workers round to show me how to look after someone of her size but food is the one thing she controls. I'd rather not argue with my mom every waking minutes. I know it's not healthy but if I dony give it her she'll just get other to do it instead
Two schools of thought on this. Food obviously is very important to your mom, but.... if she could gain some control on her eating habits, she will begin to feel better, and maybe have a different quality of life. Who else would give in to her wants?? Have you other family helping you to care for her.
Wants and needs are very different, and needs , ie healthy controlled amounts of food in her diet are a definite better option in the end. This, I must emphasis, is certainly not a judgement, no one judges on the forum. It's hard for you I'm sure, being a dutiful caring person.
Some people will say that "you have to be cruel, to be kind". What about the cost though?
Colin_1705 wrote:Some people will say that "you have to be cruel, to be kind". What about the cost though?
Money isn't really a problem. There's plenty of money in the family. We dont claim any money either. We buy everything needed to care for her. As she grows more we must spend too
I suggest that you register with your Young Carers club in your. County.

And also ask for advice from someone at your College, you need counselling to help you with these problems
When you are not there, who else helps?
Colin_1705 wrote:When you are not there, who else helps?


I'm 19. I'm about to start uni doing a law degree. I don't need a councillor my head deals with it all just fine. My sisters look after her when I'm not available
Matt, this is a difficult decision for you and your sisters.

I have to say, sadly, that if your mum is only 38, and morbidly obese (as it sounds, alas) then if she continues in this way she will, I'm afraid, be life-limited. SO many medical problems will set in (if they haven't already) that a less-than-normal lifespan is just about inevitable.

With that in mind, then I think some serious discussion with your sisters is required (I take it your dad is not part of the immediately family any longer? ie, there is no one else more 'grown up' - ie, your mum's generation - to be concerned about her?). Because you all need to decide whether a 'happy life' is more important to your mum than a 'long life'.

IF you think a 'long life' is more important, then you have to tackle her obesity (fuelled by her overeating), which will, obviously, make her 'unhappy' now. But if you think you would rather have a 'happy mum' who is unlikely (unless medical science comes up with a new wonderful 'quick and easy fix' for obesity!) to live to a ripe old age, then you could easily decide that yes, it is all right for her to eat what she wants now.

in life, we make our choice and take the consequences. But both the choices and the consequences can be hard to endure!!!

One of the THE major problems that the morbidly obese seem to encounter when they try and control (ie, reduce) their daily calorie intake (which, for a female, should be only about 1500 calories to steady-state), is that, from what I have seen on programmes on the telly (!), once they ARE obese, the balance of our 'I'm hungry!' hormone and our 'I'm full now thank you!' hormone is upset - it can get to the point where, grimly, the 'I'm hungry!' hormone is set to 'Always on' - therefore the person, horribly, always 'feels hungry' and never 'feels full'. This, obviously, is pretty disastrous for them, as it will continue to 'drive' their chronic overeating.

All that said, there is someone on this forum who was the carer for their morbidly obese brother (who was considerably older than your mum) and I hope she will be here soon to give you her reply, as she, obviously, would be the best person to talk to you here, having lived with this situation in her brother for quite some time. She has a very compassionate but realistic outlook......